Yesterday in a heated argument with my brother he said you will go after marriage then I will rule the house.
All of a sudden my 12 year old younger brother just came and whispered in my ear that I have an idea for you to write about.
And I asked what was his idea?
He said that he has very simple question to ask.
And I asked what is your question?
He asked me that why after marriage girls have to leave their houses? I have never seen any boy leaving his house after marriage and going to the girl's place.
I had no answer to this question. Moreover I tried to explore and think but I got nothing to write about this.
All were just random thoughts that in India parents say that their son is their heir because he will give them grandchildren and they will expand their family name in coming generations.
One question came to my mind at this thought was that the girl who call them mom and dad is also their daughter. She also have the same DNA
Moreover, she will also give birth to their grandchildren after getting married.
Their son is just going to give his sperm but their daughter will give her 9 months and will go through a lot of pain. So, who is the real heir?
So you can see I got a question while searching for an answer.
Although our law has given the daughters a right in her parents property and belonging but still our society is not ready to give them that right.
At this point, an incident comes to my mind.
A boy in my class said that his sister got married and we gave her 15 or 20 lakhs as dowry, I don't remember the exact figures. Then he said now she have no right on anything and the house and everything belongs to him and if she ever turns up and asks for anything then our society will spit on her. This was the exact word he used "society will spit on her".
After realising that his image is at stake in front of his friends and after receiving angry looks on others faces he covered up by saying that I don't mean I will not help her if she gets into any problem. I will always be by her side whenever some bad happens to her. But this asking for her right is not acceptable in our society.
I'm actually confused and that younger one's question is really taking up my whole energy. I can't answer him and today after school he will be back to me with his question.
Kids have a very pure mind and soul. Free of all bad things. They think freely and act freely. They don't understand society and the thoughts of their neighbours doesn't matter to them. All they know is the difference between right and wrong.
Honesty speaking this kid has taught me a lot from the day he is born. I find his thought process and his ways of doing things very different. Very pure soul and a mind full of justice. But he is scared to share his thoughts with his elders because he always gets scolded by them.
So he always comes to me and share everything with me.
Now I couldn't find his answer so I'm posting it here. I hope someone will answer this question.
What do you think about this? Answer this question with honesty. Your honest answer is going to shape a thought in that young child's brain.
Regards,
Himani Tokas
Their are lot of grammar mistakes and sentence framing mistakes in this article. Kindly ignore them as my cellphone's battery has almost drained and right now I don't have time to correct everything.
Hey @himanitokas This is the ugly truth of our Sick Indian Society. The life of a girl we can not understand their position. Every child has its right over our parents property as well whether its boy or girl. This also keep me worried that why she also be sorry & only she have to adjust with.
In my opinion The dowry is the biggest curse of our society, just bcz of it parents get worried since the birth of female child. This dowry SIN should be rooted up by us. We can appose at the time of our marriage.
And most importantly We must respect our life partner as she had left all over behind just to lead for a new relationship in a totally different people. So its We only who should hold her hands with love and care for a better world.
Unless we will not change our perception NOTHING WILL CHANGE!!!
hi himani,
Good bhai behen ladai..
Nice wrote,but i also have not ans of your questions but i know one think that here we all same boy and girls so all right should be same for both girls and boys
Well, different species have different mating and child care stratedgies. In most species either male or female leaves the parental group, that kind of evolved because it reduces the deleterious effects of inbreeding. In species where male kins live together and females born in the group to leave the group is what we call female exogamy. Now since it's humans in question who makes pseudo kinships to form largest social groups known to primates, you got to complicate female exogamy a bit. Invent marriage - a social assurance where if you don't keep your words to form a bonded relationship you get social altruistic punishment.
So probably female exogamy is what evolved in humans even before marriage came into picture. Just like everything else we made it super complex.
Thanks for the information I seriously didn't know this but is that mentality which makes you say that society will spit on the girl who asks for her rights is that also correct?
And I also wish to. Know the species where male exogamy exist
I don't think the term for what you want to ask is male exogamy. But I think l get your question. You mean the species in which makes leave their parental groups? Well Lions and elephants. An example much closer to humans would be Gorilla.
Well, for whatever reason humans societies evolved the way they did, it is no excuse to deny anyone their rights today. The fact that humans evolved a brain with both rational thinking and immense empathy overrides any excuse to be an ass to anyone. My response was to the why in the child's question , not a justification of why humans should carry on Luke their cousin apes. Apes didn't visit moon , we did, we should act better.
now a days boys also leave their parents alon. they really dont care about them so people cant say only girls go to sajna house :D some boys also do.
Well, this issue is something which has no end. But yes someone has to leave because both families can't stay together if a girl leaves then we can question why a girl leaves and if even a boy leaves that would also become the point of discussion.
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You can see in some areas of Meghalaya where the Boy goes to his wife's home .
madam the thing is u have only taken one aspect "of the society and the role of women"... the topic for which you seek a satisfactory answer lies in the individual's mind set. like for example, i have never ever thought that my elder sister has lesser rights than me or my elder brother. Actually this problem has its roots in the mindset of parents and moral education provided by them to their children.
"HAM VAHI KAT TE HAI JO HAMNE BOYA HAI"... not every family discriminates daughters this u should understand.[ And this problem can not be solved with the snap of a finger we have to take the initiative "each one of us" we will have to teach our children to respect women and their rights equally as we respect our own.] i think this is the answer you should give to your younger brother and guide him towards the correct form of moral education which our traditional parents are ashamed to provide to their children.
just give your younger brother the quotes of MK Gandhi over this topic- "Be The Change you despirately want in others" then only we can make this world a better place for both the genders.
I agree on this mindset and values given by parents play a very important role
Dowry is definetly a Curse in indian society. agree on that.
@himanitokas Your brother asked the question that almost no body have answer. There is but no one want to admit it. nice article and nice thoughts btw.
Huh! crazy, weird fucking society. I have seen many cases over here. I always give them abuses.
Hi! Thank you for writing such a thought-provoking piece. I wish I could advise you in how to respond to your brother, but living in the UK, with such different rules and laws, I don't feel that I am able to look at your problem fairly.
But I too have a younger sibling- and all I can say it the fact that you are absolutely on the right track - you are considering your brother's purity and innocence in how you reply, and wish to ensure that your protect him, as I would with my little sister.
Be sure to be truthful - for whatever answer you give him will undoubtedly be met with a thousand more questions. But your little brother will grow into a man, and your answers now may shape a life which strives to change the laws and rules he discussed with his big sister all those years ago.
E x
Thanks for reading and helping
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Smart kid with a smart question,
Well, being a christian id give this a religious reply,
Taking into consideration from the beginning when God created man and thereafter a "woman", the woman was created to be an helper and to support her man in all his ways, while a Man was expected to protect his wive or "woman" and take absolute care of her, its his duty to love and provide all her needs as well.
I believe a the tradition of a lady leaving her house to that off the man is quite tied to the nature of our being as humans and to the genesis of our existence.
Taking religion out of the case; merely judging our society has created a system in which the male tend to be more opportuned in generating income and raising funds, most aspect of the society tends to give dominance and power to the male, hence its of much greater value in favour of the female to colive with the male after marriage....
However i still believe this is tied to Nature, it happens in majority sectors all over the world, this is not to dispute the fact also that some homes are built by the female in which their husbands tends to cohabitate during a relationship or after marriage.
Im a living example, hahaha, after my dad got married to my mum he moved in with her, cause my mum already had a home and they both continued to build the home together till she departed in late memories.....
I hope my contributions made a little sense and would also be of help to your bro....
Thanks
Yes of course very helpful
Nice blog...its realistic!