Often times, when I saw my son out of control, I tend to ask him to control himself. Or I would ask him to calm down. That suggestion itself would make him even worse, because he got upset with me asking him to control himself when he was already obviously could not.
I humbled myself and acknowledged I was making a mistake in saying so. Trying to improve as a mother, so I read up this article, that blog, this parenting website, so on and so forth.
Turns out it is true that children's inability to control themselves is valid. They can't. And they just can't. It has to do with the development of the brain — one part of their brain is still growing.
Ironically, when children cannot control themselves and start to have meltdown or throwing some tantrum, you notice adults follow suit. I thought adult's brains are fully developed? Go figure. Haha.
Well, I was guilty as charge. So I vowed to improve.
I have improved alot since then. I learn that when my sons become uncontrollable that is the moment they need me to be the most controlled person. Able to squat down to their eye-level and still tell them, "I know you are having big feelings now and it is challenging, so mummy is right here with you" instead of "control yourself please!".
Parenting is a gift. A blessing. To unlearn and relearn many things. Because you tend realise you also actually can't control yourself and you are starting to learn to control yourself in times of children's meltdown.
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I found your thoughts the same as mine when I was a young mother. I also had to unlearn my family's way s once I saw myself doing what I disagreed with as a child. It took me awhile to see myself but I'm glad I finally did.
Me too, unlearning family ways. Thank goodness nowadays there are lots of educational blogs out there for us to learn from as well.
Nice meeting you here, @willowwisp :)
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We would not say 'control yourself' but: 'behave' or 'behave yourself'. It all doesn't make sense.
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What children deem as control is far different from what we adults perceive it to be. You're doing great, mummy! Xx
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