MONOLOGUE: I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE

in #freewrite6 years ago (edited)

Sometime last year I fell in love with this beauty. It was at a party, one of the strangest place you would ever find a person like me. I was high and mesmerized by her tiny waist, which moved intensely like the pop song playing in the background. I had my fingers clenched to her skin like a leech to its host, never wanting to leave. Our bodies in sync, nothing mattered at that point in time which stretched into the dark and the thin air drenched in sweat. It was perfect. That's how I fell in love.

Something about that night I cannot forget. Our bodies fit together perfectly like two puzzle pieces and it was not of my imagination. I think she felt it too--the drunk her. she told me had no idea what happened that night but I thought otherwise. I think for the first time I saw her in her purest form. This was the start of something beautiful.

What happened to be sexually motivated interest, turned out to be love or what I think love is. I stopped thinking about her bum and more of what she liked and if she had a man because I was willing to risk it all. She was worth it. I swear everything about her changed after that night. She smiled differently. I noticed her tiny nose more and everything about her seemed animated--magical. But I have been here before.

Only know you love her when you let her

Love is a strange feeling. One I have not been able to master even though I have felt it a thousand times. It pulls and pushes you at the same time. Today I decided I was going to let her go. Never to speak to her again until I find another perfect distraction. I think my days of being a hopeless romantic are over; I think my days of being a genuine human being are over, because like I have said, I've been here before and it is not a place I ever want to be again. I know the end from the beginning; I know how this will play out in the end, I know far too well.

This could have been the start of something beautiful. I have played with the idea a couple of times but it would take more of my imagination to make this a reality. Probably if she said something to change my mind I will stay. She has that much power over me and I pray she never notices.

Her name is **** and she is a dancer. That's probably all I can ever know about her. And like myself, she has been here before but not with me this time. Not with anyone.

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