What I do know is this: I love my tiny extended family more than I can ever ably express, but I also love my friends, especially those with whom I can feel ompletely csafe in terms of trust. A good friend died three years ago of ovarian cancer and I still think that the phone will ring and she will be on the line.
When I have self-pity moments I recall her resilience and sometimes taciturn manner, and hear her saying "Oh for heaven sake, get over yourself." Wherever you are, my friend, thanks for continuing to boot me along the right path.
Good friends are more irreplacable than they may even realize.
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I really relate with what your experience has been. When that special friend is not there anymore, there is some emptiness that we got to overcome and yes, Good friends are more irreplaceable than we may even realize. Keep it up and move forward :)