Introduction & Pre-Analysis
Mysteriously emerging from uncertain depths of a missing mind something proclaimed as monumental is on it´s way to stream into the download services physically located on the cayman islands and other countries far off of the babylonian copyright mafia structures for even paying playmoney from a childs boardgame to watch junk like this would be some kind of sin.
Some moments ago Absent Minds Inc (AMI) officially announced their new movie hitting theatres in one or two of the next moments considering the exponentially increasing reduction of the half-life of the recipients organic memory. This means, as it is broadly known, the directly while announcing release method was chosen due to the fact that the rate of memory withering among possible viewer groups expererienced in countless advanced cases happens to be considerably faster than loading new Data. By the way, the mentioned data withering procedure was developed some time ago to be recently installed more and more to solve the issue of capacity twingling in an easy and fashionable manner.
The films voicing features simplified speech narration with a strong hang to express everything spoken only in vowels to the end that the viewer hopefully doesn't lose the thread all too often. This approach clearly indicates that the desired prey for this screen flickering are the north american sheep resources. Sadly, reality seldom reflects such a pious hope, especially in recent years where mayhem tended to spread whereas nobody really knows how and why. So, most likely, the sheep herds of the rest of the world aswell will be magically driven to swallow this throw-off. Fact is, as
frequently made observations show, the standardized audience of movies in such fashion usually devours them in a highly hypnotic and dozy state knowing it is just an entertainment because everybody knows that cannonical hard boiled facts and final truths can only be found on the back of a cornflake box or some considered scientific candy bar. The second somewhat smaller group of viewers consists of health fetishists getting there kinda similar and with quite the same efficiency through chemically colored granola bars. So, the odds end up almost exactly identical. The interested analyst can seperate them efficiently by keeping an eye on the purchases at the snack bar of the cinema. While buying drinks sold as 'light' directly indicates a group two specimen.
Lastly the determined genre of this concoction is located in the space near a apocalyptic comedic romance the filmmakers stated in the course of the press ceremony after pointing out that there has to be sufficient room left for some artistic freedom.
Plot synopsis (Spoiler alert)
The starting scene of the motion picture introduces a rocky american east coast sea shore in winter time. An enormous number of busses cut there way towards the top of a rather high cliff and stop a little further back on one of the large tourist parking lots. Subsequently people start to stream out of the busses in large numbers all of which are not quite happy with their situation due to the cold enhanced trough heavy rain and the howling wind from the sea. But they don't have any clue where else to go or what to do leaving them only enjoying all the advantages of a full-scale dim-witted glance.
Some moments pass starring only the wailing sea winds. Then some marines arrive on one of the next busses armed with big plastic signs which they expose to the dazed crowd. Nothing is written on them but only showing big arrows pointing towards the cliff. This is a side feature of the implemented simplified Speech narration. The filmmakers don't want the audience to be buckled with reading and therefore disrupt their dull state through needless stress.
Anyway, without speaking the crowd starts to move while heading for the instructed direction. All that is accompanied by extrem loud and easily more pathetic music, naturally without lyrics remaining faithful to the narration style.
In the following the apocalyptic part takes place in which countless people drop off the cliff in an endless stream. This happening is entangled with the comedic touch which is achieved due to some fellows of the horde proving themselves too dumb to die after the fall. And, the even more hilariously funny effect emerges as they walk away from the shore just to catch the next bus to the top of the cliff. As the scene evolves one of them dramatically ends up screaming out in fury because the bus didn't stop for that dude due to him standing on the wrong side of the street. But, this personal defeat all of a sudden pulls out his tremendous heroic traits and he walks proudly posing all the way up the cliff by foot. With the last spark of energy he then drops him self down from the absolut highest point of the rock. Seconds later he´s dead. Some off them repeat that process several times until eventually the dieing works out properly for them. This blood stained suicidal massaker goes on and on with deaths filmed in every possible and impossible camera angle often in slow motion which could be one of the major causes for the enourmous length of the movie.
Some commercial breaks later the consequential ending again shrouded with music of virtual unreached patheticalness reveals the unexpected romantic attributes of the film. The ongoing carnage finally ends up in the genesis of a bridge to europe consisting of the countless dead bodies which soon gets called "The Atlantik Brücke" because some german witnesses it first. This marks the last highly emotional scene leaving everybody squeaking happy after all.
Preliminary rating:
Minus 8
Main sponsoring:
Movie title:
Lax BrainStarring:
Donald Dump as himself & Inane McCrapper as Norman Baitin'Regie:
Stanley FullbrickPublisher:
Absent Minds Inc. (AMI)Production:
Negative IQCo-Producer:
Roland JämmerlichRealisation & Screenplay:
Cognition Ammunition Ltd.Story:
Vacuum Royale Realms [vrr]Dialogue:
Linguistic Graveyard in association with Simplified Speech ImplantsStunts:
Punchinello ConnessioneSpecial FX:
Nervous Convulsions & John Who?
LOL. Production: Negative IQ . Educating Americans since the birth of cinema. In co-operation with Linguistic Graveyard they are going to shape our destiny. Another masterpiece. Can't wait to see it and get my IQ below room temperature :)
Thanks. The production wasn't easy including record-breakin' amounts of real fake blood. Unfortunately the show is stuck in the premiere due to the viewers of the first show don't find there way out of the cinema because the gps in their smart phones doesn't work in that thick brick house. As soon as the rescue crew has freed them they want to try another show. Wish them luck...
There was a rescue attempt, however the rescuer had to shoot the audience in self defense.
One in the crowd farted and SWAT thought a grenade went off. No survivors. The heroes from SWAT received a medal of honor from president Dumb. Anderson Cooper reported live from the scene. Some say, the Russians or even Putin himself are responsible for the tragedy which put the lives of our law enforcement at risk. Bibi called for a nuclear strike against Russia and presented evidence which he had safely tucked under his foreskin.
Statement of the filmmakers of AMI: "Every free publicity is good publicity and ..." Sadly the rest of the statement couldn't be decrypted because the sound technician cowardly flew the scene that moment, although there were only minor explosions at that time. We hope to find a replacement soon. If somebody is interested please send us an email yesterday.
Q Anon just posted that Julian Assange might be interested. He will submit his resume as soon as his internet connection is restored.
Leaked application photo sent via Fed Ex Turbo RabbitActual surveillance photo taken by NSA showing the Fed Ex Turbo Rabbit messenger who hand delivered the application.
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