William Southold | Opinion Columnist |The Southold Report
“Speaking fiction to power one story at a time.”
I am filing this post a day late, and I hope not a dollar short. I blame it on my dog Middie. She insisted on going out afterward to The Family Dog, the highest rated dog friendly restaurant in Atlanta, to celebrate. While there, she talked me into staying over in Atlanta a full day so she could watch the impeachment hearings uninterrupted. She was especially looking forward Adam Schiff’s wrap up.
“You want me to change our flight?”
“Gotta do what you gotta do,” Middie replied. “I feel like it’s history in the making. It's not to be missed, especially by any Newsman worth his salt.”
I now believe it was history in the making. Anyway, time got away from me.
So here goes:
Well, we made it into the press room at Tyler Perry studios OK. This would be nothing for most Newsmen, but for me, a Fake Newsman, and my testy companion Middie, I wasn’t just assuming that it would be smooth sailing. I have to give props to Middie here, she was the one who came up with the idea of a “disguisable” dog carrier that looks somewhat like a briefcase. It was a tight fit for her, but she rose to the challenge and put up with the cramped quarters without complaint. Anyway, we were in, and in plenty of time to grab a choice seat with easy viewing of one of the large tv screens hung on the wall.
The room was large, much larger than I would have imagined, but remember, this whole event was done on a movie studio lot. The adaptations were a credit to Tyler Perry’s imagination, not to mention his “Southern Hospitality”. I brought this thought up with Middie.
“A multitalented creative force”, Middie added. “Doesn’t surprise me in the least.”
I staked out my work station with easy viewing of the largest screen, and easy access to the debate stage, if the sign on the nearby door was correct. I wanted to be one of the first into the actual debate hall so I could possibly grab a one-on-one with a participant, although I knew that would be unlikely. I placed Middie’s carrier/briefcase next to my computer but with enough of a view of the tv screen; it would have been pointless for me to object to her making comments and contributing to my report. I would have to live with it.
Overall, the debate turned out to be one of the mildest so far. There were a few memorable moments, though:
Cory Booker challenged V.P. Biden on saying he didn’t think we should legalize marijuana, suggesting Biden may have been high when he said it.
“I wouldn’t mind seeing Biden high,” Middie chimed in.
Biden seemed to have some trouble expressing his thoughts at times, misspeaking about the “only black woman ever elected to the Senate”. Booker and Harris were quick to jump on the mistake.
“I wish they would let up on Joe,” was Middie’s view.
Tulsi Gabbard went after Pete Buttigieg fairly hard about statements she said he made about sending troops to Mexico. Mayor Pete didn’t shrink from the challenge.
“Now that man knows how to express himself!”, Middie told me in no uncertain terms.
“You don’t think Gabbard is scoring some points?” I asked her.
“She is, but I don’t think she is the direction Democrats are going to go,” was Middie's considered opinion.
Elizabeth Warren had a chance to explain her 2% wealth tax, relating it largely to support of early childhood education.
“So true, so true,” Middie agreed. “Just think how much I have benefitted from Mrs. S. sending me to puppy day care. It’s where I learned how to talk, and express myself.”
“That’s where you learned it?”
“I didn’t get it from you,” was her, I thought, uncalled for response.
Kamala Harris came back hard on Gabbard, tying her to not only Trump, but being on Fox News and criticizing Obama and other Democrats.
“That one sells with this crowd,” Middie observed.
“But Gabbard’s a fighter, don’t you think?’
“She’s picked the wrong ring,” Middie said. “She’s a scrapper, but I’m not too clear on why, or where, she is trying to land her punches.”
As I said, all in all it was pretty mild soup. The whole thing wrapped up after about 2 hours. I left Middie in the press room and made it through the crowded door and into the performance hall. I can’t claim I was able to obtain any meaningful comments from the participants that you haven’t heard already. Those TV guys are quick on their feet, and some of them weren’t shy about barging to the front of every interview being conducted.
Not getting what I had wanted, I returned to the press room and gathered my things, not that Middie is “a thing”, and we headed out. As I said, our plans soon changed, and ultimately called my wife to let her know.
“You make sure you’re taking good care of Middie,” was her only concern.
Well, you can see how I fit into this picture now, can’t you?
Central News Service, proudly bringing you the fakest news anywhere, featuring our very own Pulitzer Prize winning Fake Newsman, William Southold
(CNS Disclaimer: Mr. Southold has in no way won the Pulitzer Prize.)