Greetings loyal followers.
As you know, I am contemplating what the Empire should do with your planet. Some of the options are to assimilate your planet into the Empire, milk your planet of all of its resources and enslave almost all of its inhabitants (aside from the few Imperial loyalists I have discovered on the steemit.com platform), or simply destroy it.
The final decision will rest on how loyal and useful I personally feel your inhabitants will be.
As you can tell from my numerous amazing transmissions to your planet, I am willing to help you all to decide that it is best to mindlessly follow me without question like good little sheep who will be rewarded for their unwavering loyalty.
You're welcome.
My executive assistant Vera, whose loyalty is inspired by her utter brilliance, has informed me that there may be a group primed to be indoctrinated with the ideals of the Empire.
Apparently, every four years, the youth organization known as "The Boy Scouts of America" holds a large festive gathering for its members. Our intelligence indicates that there will be over 40,000 younglings, ranging from ages 7 to 18, in attendance.
Perfect!
Based on research conducted by our very competent and amazing scientists (as opposed to your Earth "scientists") the Empire has determined that human children who are 7 to 18 Earth years old are at the prime age to be indoctrinated with the righteousness of the Empire's beliefs and goals. Our terrific scientists have found that your human brains are not fully developed until the age of 25. One specific area of your primitive brains that develops last is the decision making portion of it. That means it will be very easy to manipulate the minds of the attendees of this BSA meeting and shape them in the Empire's image.
Lucky them!
Vera has convinced me that I should conduct myself a little differently from the last time I was in front of a group of younglings.
Based on transmissions we have received from your planet, I don't think it will be difficult at all to sway these younglings to follow me. I will simply use sarcasm, insults and adult themed innuendos to convince these children that they should pledge their allegiance to me. If they do, there will be an outstanding and tremendous outcome for them and perhaps your entire planet... if you are lucky.
I already have some experience with encounters with representatives from the BSA (lucky them).
On one of my visits to your planet, I met with this leader of one of the group's many factions:
I had ordered these troopers to shoot the person making a visual record of this data. Big surprise... they missed. Two of them then shot each other.
The leader was so impressed with me (obviously... who wouldn't be?) that he presented me with the honor of one of his troop's "badges".
Obviously in this language "citizenship" also means "domination" because that is what I am going to do.
After "encouraging" that troop leader to follow me, he introduced me to his troopers.
It was very easy to convince these younglings of my righteousness, greatness, ability to attract large crowds, the hugeness of my hands, and that I am so amazing that I never even have to tell anyone how amazing I am. I also added that all of their moms want me... even if they don't know it yet.
Vera just informed me that the summit is ending tomorrow (she's simply the best). I must make haste in order to ensure that I can speak to this captive audience of highly impressionable younglings so I can indoctrinate them with the Empire's dogma.
I just hope no one beats me to it.
Images
I wish there were a shorter word for "a large festive gathering".
MEGA
That kid ate my cookies!
Ready, aim, miss!
Badges?
Shaping minds
Oh great and UN-merciful Sith Lord, I beseech thee to allow this old man to join the glorious ranks of thine Empire!
There is only one condition for my undying loyalty: please do not command me to wear green shorts that stop above the knee.
How about this?
How about a suit of that secret "Dark Trooper" armor?
Yeah, your galaxy has its own version of WikiLeaks, too. Even our backwater planet knows about that secret project!
Oh, scouts are perfect.. they're already trained to follow orders blindly!
Blindly. Yes they will fit right in with my troopers.
I'm sure whatever your final decision is, it will of course be the right one.
And this is why I consider you the finest representative of your planet's inhabitants.
When I was a young boy scout I would have loved for something like that to have happened at one of our camporee/jamborees that I attended. Very cool!
Everyone would love hearing me speak... or do anything.
Hi @lordvader I've published an article about you, check it out, if you can, thanks.
26 Best Steemit Bloggers Of The Day To Follow 31st July 2017
https://steemit.com/advice/@jzeek/26-best-steemit-bloggers-of-the-day-to-follow-31st-july-2017
Your threats are meaningless, coming from a long time ago in a galaxy far away, such as they are.
Even you have a max range on force choke.
I had a question about the force choke actually. Is that on an appointment by appointment basis or do all new followers get the force choke handshake?
I'm flexible.
https://steemit.com/funny/@lordvader/it-is-time-for-me-to-teach-you-all-a-lesson-about-non-linear-timelines
You underestimate his power.
Geronimoooooo!
Blind follower incoming Sir.
You are very wise.
I learn from the best in the universe ^^
You are free to take all the younglings you want.
Just please don't enslave all of us haha
We know that you have went to comic con a few times and those who dress up as storm troopers or others in the first order will definitely pledge allegiance to you.
You are moving up the list of Imperial loyalists.
Haha this is awesome. I will follow you anywhere lord vader as long as you refer to me as lord bane.
You will need to work up to "lord". But I may give you an opportunity.
Lord Vader, please spare the younglings! What have they ever done to you? Think of Barron!
They have nothing to worry about... if they pledge their loyalty to me.
@lordvader I was a boy scout as a child. It would have been pretty awesome to see you speak at a Jamboree!
It would be pretty awesome to see me doing anything. Like this
Long Live The Empire!!
That is the idea.
If you're anything like a particular leader on earth, you'll know that the opportunity to speak to Boy Scouts is not an opportunity to show maturity and leadership, but to act like a spoiled, vindictive, and thin-skinned 5-year-old kid. Hopefully, you're providing a better role model.
That really happened? Dennis! Get in here! The Empire's IT guy told me that transmission was a parody. No matter. When I arrive everyone will be attracted to me. They won't even be able to help it.
The head of the Boy Scouts just apologized on behalf of the U.S. President. I guess they won't be inviting him to their Christmas Party.
The next four years will be one big parody on earth. Do you have any working time machines up there that you could loan us?
http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/27/politics/boy-scouts-trump-apology/index.html
That orange creature seemed very excited about being able to say Merry Christmas. He made it seem like it was a forbidden phrase. He specifically said that humans were going to start saying Merry Christmas again. But what did he mean by again? he just said it and nothing happened. I think he could have said it like 20 times without anything happening. It seems odd that one of your people was so adamant to bring back something that wasn't gone.
Working time machines? Well Dennis is in charge of those... so no.
Had that creature been socializing with this guy before the speech?
Very interesting post as always
Of course it is.
This post has received a 6.27 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @lordvader.
Noooooo two days away, and i missed a second message from My Lord..... Incredible..... so sorry again heemhh so sorry^2.
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May the force be with you
Does this mean small hands aren't so bigly?