Hey! Oh I can relate to what you just wrote. I had been through so many phases in my life when it comes to forgiving. Been angry, furious, cold, detached, bitter, calm, you name it, I have felt the whole gamut of human emotions.
I do have the ability to completely wipe a person out of my system too. But it usually came back to haunt me. I guess that the more we love someone and they hurt us, the more we lack the ability to repair it rightfully. We would like to let people in, but we are afraid of the consequences because we lost our trust in people.
Forgiving is very hard. I find it particularly difficult when it implies family members and partners. But overall... It is something that once mastered, can bring a lot of peace. I am still learning it.
I don't know is forgiving is the word I'd use when family or friends are concerned...Maybe accepting is a better one for me? Accept them for what or who there are. I don't know...It's not something I think about much, I tend to confront it when required and not think of it at all when it's not.
Having said that, when friends disrespect me or do counter-productive things they cease to be friends. I'm a simple dude really, and have simple solutions. They cease to be friends and I draw a line beneath them and they no longer exist as I said earlier.
Accepting someone for who they are... That is a great perspective because it excludes the consumption of mental energy in trying to change them. If a person is mean, cruel, treats you badly.... You can still accept them as they are and make a decision to walk away. I think this is the place where most people lose their grip on the situation:they accept people for who they are when they are bad instead of using their power to walk away. We always have a choice and I know how time consuming and inefficient is to try to change people. People don't change unless they want to.
Drawing a line means to be aware of the power of boundaries. There are too many people who keep casual friends who disrespected them just because they are afraid to be alone or they believe they can't do well in life without them. Why keep friendships with 100 people if when you are sad none of those people can be trusted enough to spill your hearts out?
I agree that friends should be very well selected.Respect is very important. Who will lie,disrespect,talk bad, cheat or steal once, will most likely repeat the behaviour. It is not up to us to give them the education they lack from an early age.
The smaller the circle the better. Good true friends are rare, what's the point in entertaining friendships that bring you down and reveal the worst?
We are very much influenced and the people with whom we decide to spend most of our time with will influence us. So the selection of people must be based on quality, not quantity.
Most people can't change themselves let alone change someone else...It's futile. Better to see them for who they are and simply walk away as you say. Life is too short to keep pushing shit up hill and the definition of insanity applies (Doing the same thing and expecting different results.) Letting people go, truly letting them go, is an art and fortunately one I have become a master at. My name is really Leonardo Letyougoelangelo! One of the true great artists of letyougoism.
If someone allows someone else to treat them cruelly or badly one needs to wonder about that person allowing it to happen. Just my opinion. And yet how many people stay in bad relationships for whatever reason? Many! I know someone who was put in ICU twice by the same guy...She went back after each time. I drew a line beneath her and moved on...I'll probably read about her in the paper one day...Murdered by her partner maybe. People need to help themselves sometimes, before others can do so also.
Amen on that! I don't get it...Cut the toxicity and live a better life...But no, people are drawn to drama...Maybe to fill what they see as an unfulfilled life with something...Something beats nothing right? (Not always in my estimation.)
Yep!
We pick our friends very carefully and our acquaintances also. Influencers even more carefully. (I don't mean those vapid silicone-enhanced avocado toast eating attention-seekers on Instagram here.) I mean mentors and role models. We choose them very carefully, as everyone should.
Letyougoangeism. Hahaha. That could be quite a trend to follow. When people really reject the idea of looking inside and assuming responsabilitumy, being stuck in blaming others, it is indees best to let go. We can tell them what they did wrong, if they choose to correct it it's only up to them. Peace of mind is very important and I think we all need the type of people who bring calm, tranquility and positive vibes in our life.
Yup, selection is key. I guess that once you love yourself good enough, you no longer need shallow friendships to fill a void. Time is so precious and when I see people wasting it with small people....it's sad but it's also a consequence of their choices.
In the end, when that time will come and we will be close to the end.... It would be terribly sad for one to wonder: what if my whole life was wrong? It's better to put the right questions, draw the right boundaries and select the good kind of people when it's time. The sooner the better. We are on borrowed time. We could live 50 years from now and have time to regret, repair, forgive, forget or it could end tomorrow. I value my time so much now that I wouldn't even consider wasting it on people who do not love me or want me or respect me.