How easily do you forgive people? Can you go now and light a candle for the person who did you the most harm? Can you feel compassion and actually pray for them to be better, to find their way back to themselves? If you ever experienced cruelty from another human, which I am sure you did, you can probably imagine how hard it must be to transform anger into compassion.
Most of our lives we long for genuine connection. We want to find between those small talks people who will want to discover more about ourselves and be patient and trustworthy enough to wait for our heart to open up. Timing isn't always perfect. A soul is not a menu a la carte. Love ain't a fancy restaurant or a home delivery service. We can't expect the other to open up as fast we do. We can't put him or her under the pressure of doing things the way we want them to. A lot of times it happened in human relationships for people to lose each other because of their lack of speaking a common language. Because of a lack of understanding how emotional timing works.
I have fallen in love with this quote and I feel the need to share it with you because it was the source of my contemplation for this article
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Mark Twain
How many violets of your soul's garden have been crushed? Can you breathe the smell of forgiveness after you wiped away your lonely tears? Are you still suffering because someone walked with heavy boots on the fragile paths of your heart? I've been there many times, as I am sure that you were too. You see, usually those who love us the most crush us in the worst times. But consider one thing: they will walk away and you will be the only one breathing the odours of your crushed soul. What do you want to breathe in? Anger, resentment or forgiveness and peace? No matter what you choose, the one who hurt you might never return to apologise, repair or help you along the way.
Family trauma is sometimes unbearable. What a parent can do to a child or a child to a parent... Can be heartbreaking. There can be many years until the garden grows again. It is somehow a paradox that when people think of love, they rarely consider the fact that they will also give and receive pain. Love is not perfect and we often only later realize we might have judged someone wrong and crushed their violets mercilessly.
Finding the power to change family patterns will have a positive effect on future relationships. We can be sure of one thing: our garden, as beautiful as it might be, is not for everyone. Some people will not see its beauty, some will walk into it just for a short period of time, some might just want to steal some precious flowers and run away. But in rare cases, there will be people who will stand in awe and walk with respect in the garden of our heart. They will not only admire it, but nurture it. They will plant a tree where someone left dry soil and a shovel filled with tears. Those are the ones who will have the patience to wait for your violets to bloom before considering them weeds. Wait for this kind of people and make room for them in your garden. It's worth it.
This is the latest article from my personal blog
https://maryhasnolamb.wordpress.com/2020/07/29/whats-the-scent-of-your-violets/
Have a great day and toodle loo!
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I've got a memory like an elephant and the ability, sometimes desire to hand out swift justice.
Having said that I believe I have the ability to let things go rather than to take them on-board and allow them to reoccur over and over; I do't attach a story to an event or actions perpetrated against me, and use that as an excuse later on. I'm not the turn the other cheek guy and in the past have been the eye for an eye dude...But I've rarely been vindictive for the sake of it...There's just not enough to gain.
These days I'm the draw a line beneath you and walk away guy. I have an uncanny ability to make someone simply cease to exist so there's no resentment, anger, hate or regret...They simply just cease to be as far as I'm concerned. That's about as good as it gets with me I guess...Forgiveness? Hmm, not sure the old G-dog has grasped that ability just yet...Maybe in another 50 years or so.
Hey! Oh I can relate to what you just wrote. I had been through so many phases in my life when it comes to forgiving. Been angry, furious, cold, detached, bitter, calm, you name it, I have felt the whole gamut of human emotions.
I do have the ability to completely wipe a person out of my system too. But it usually came back to haunt me. I guess that the more we love someone and they hurt us, the more we lack the ability to repair it rightfully. We would like to let people in, but we are afraid of the consequences because we lost our trust in people.
Forgiving is very hard. I find it particularly difficult when it implies family members and partners. But overall... It is something that once mastered, can bring a lot of peace. I am still learning it.
I don't know is forgiving is the word I'd use when family or friends are concerned...Maybe accepting is a better one for me? Accept them for what or who there are. I don't know...It's not something I think about much, I tend to confront it when required and not think of it at all when it's not.
Having said that, when friends disrespect me or do counter-productive things they cease to be friends. I'm a simple dude really, and have simple solutions. They cease to be friends and I draw a line beneath them and they no longer exist as I said earlier.
Accepting someone for who they are... That is a great perspective because it excludes the consumption of mental energy in trying to change them. If a person is mean, cruel, treats you badly.... You can still accept them as they are and make a decision to walk away. I think this is the place where most people lose their grip on the situation:they accept people for who they are when they are bad instead of using their power to walk away. We always have a choice and I know how time consuming and inefficient is to try to change people. People don't change unless they want to.
Drawing a line means to be aware of the power of boundaries. There are too many people who keep casual friends who disrespected them just because they are afraid to be alone or they believe they can't do well in life without them. Why keep friendships with 100 people if when you are sad none of those people can be trusted enough to spill your hearts out?
I agree that friends should be very well selected.Respect is very important. Who will lie,disrespect,talk bad, cheat or steal once, will most likely repeat the behaviour. It is not up to us to give them the education they lack from an early age.
The smaller the circle the better. Good true friends are rare, what's the point in entertaining friendships that bring you down and reveal the worst?
We are very much influenced and the people with whom we decide to spend most of our time with will influence us. So the selection of people must be based on quality, not quantity.
Most people can't change themselves let alone change someone else...It's futile. Better to see them for who they are and simply walk away as you say. Life is too short to keep pushing shit up hill and the definition of insanity applies (Doing the same thing and expecting different results.) Letting people go, truly letting them go, is an art and fortunately one I have become a master at. My name is really Leonardo Letyougoelangelo! One of the true great artists of letyougoism.
If someone allows someone else to treat them cruelly or badly one needs to wonder about that person allowing it to happen. Just my opinion. And yet how many people stay in bad relationships for whatever reason? Many! I know someone who was put in ICU twice by the same guy...She went back after each time. I drew a line beneath her and moved on...I'll probably read about her in the paper one day...Murdered by her partner maybe. People need to help themselves sometimes, before others can do so also.
Amen on that! I don't get it...Cut the toxicity and live a better life...But no, people are drawn to drama...Maybe to fill what they see as an unfulfilled life with something...Something beats nothing right? (Not always in my estimation.)
Yep!
We pick our friends very carefully and our acquaintances also. Influencers even more carefully. (I don't mean those vapid silicone-enhanced avocado toast eating attention-seekers on Instagram here.) I mean mentors and role models. We choose them very carefully, as everyone should.
Letyougoangeism. Hahaha. That could be quite a trend to follow. When people really reject the idea of looking inside and assuming responsabilitumy, being stuck in blaming others, it is indees best to let go. We can tell them what they did wrong, if they choose to correct it it's only up to them. Peace of mind is very important and I think we all need the type of people who bring calm, tranquility and positive vibes in our life.
Yup, selection is key. I guess that once you love yourself good enough, you no longer need shallow friendships to fill a void. Time is so precious and when I see people wasting it with small people....it's sad but it's also a consequence of their choices.
In the end, when that time will come and we will be close to the end.... It would be terribly sad for one to wonder: what if my whole life was wrong? It's better to put the right questions, draw the right boundaries and select the good kind of people when it's time. The sooner the better. We are on borrowed time. We could live 50 years from now and have time to regret, repair, forgive, forget or it could end tomorrow. I value my time so much now that I wouldn't even consider wasting it on people who do not love me or want me or respect me.
We naturally present this many times in our lives, but the difficult thing is to forgive, especially when there is hatred or anger in the heart. The best thing to do is to free ourselves, let go of what binds us to it. And be at peace.
I completely agree. Forgiving is important. Even if the other doesn't realize their wrong doing. Thank you for reading!
I find your post fascinating @creativemary.
Thank you!
You're welcome, we're at your service @creativemary
When we are inspired to write do beautiful words that come to touch feelings. Congratulations on your publication 😉
Thank you for reading and appreciating it!
Absolutely correct 😘❤
It is not important that what we do for others..the same they will do for us..
Karma works. And I agree that what we give out will come back. So we better spread positivity and love instead of anger and resentment! Thanks for reading📖😊
it is always easy to forgive someone we love. you never want to believe his mistake. This is usually the case. If there is truly love, it is very difficult to hold a grudge. this is of course not true. to compromise our personality and ourselves and to disrespect ourselves. but sometimes the heart works before the brain. maybe it's just a matter of character. I am not someone who can be logical enough. There is a lot that I forgive and ignore..
Hey! Holding a grudge can be detrimental. There is an old saying how if you plan to give back revenge, you better dig two graves. Anger consumes people. But also forgiving can be bad if we do it constantly without letting the other know what hurt us in the first place.
I now believe in the power of saying calmly the things that hurt you so people would know. Of course that there is the risk of them not caring, not apologising, not changing. But at least we will feel good with ourselves for making the courage to speak our mind and show that we were hurt by some behaviors.
Thank you for reading😊
Absolutely LOVE THIS!!!
Used that exact quote in a post I wrote a long time ago about forgiveness. Have stolen a few lines from there...
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Oh wow, you wrote it beautifully! I can relate to this, my parents divorced too and it was a very ugly period in my life. It was nasty.
Anyway, forgiveness is the greatest gift we can make to ourselves. There is no point in bottling all of that up.
I appreciate that you have read this Jaynie! Thank you🤗
Absolutely! Agreed 100%
And it is my pleasure - ALWAYS! Love your writing and your content!
I love yours too! Have a lovely day Jaynie! 💐
Does forgetting count on forgiving? Forgiving something or someone actually depends on what the fault is. Daily small stuffs are not so important.But there is a human being factor in there also. i mean something is unimportant mistake or fault which someone cares it too much. Something will not be known without living it.Forgiveness is something like that.
Hey! I believe that once we manage to genuinely forgive we also forget. I think that always remembering the past mistakes can only show that complete forgiveness hasn't happened yet.
Thank you for reading!
Anyway, I actually did take a great measure of time reading your post...
Your creative writings are really amazing, appealing and catchy. Everything you said are true..., but I must say, getting through a difficult time like that, especially when you're crushed or heartbroken is not easy at all. Some may take months before one could get over the heartbroken experience...
This your creative writing triggers some memories far back. The time I fell in love with a girl who seems not to be understanding, and gets carried away with wealths and sweet entanglements. To be candid, she's pretty, but senseless at the same time, which made me realized that beauty does not really matter, but beautiful at heart is all what matters. But then, when she decided to leave my life, I was heartbroken and pained for some times before I let go and move on with my life, yet I have learnt a whole lot...
Thanks for sharing this beautiful writing @creativemary.
Hey! Thank you for your appreciation! I write from my heart and from my life experiences so I think this is one of the reasons why my writting triggers emotions. It is sincere.
Heartbreaks are terrible. I had my heart broken too. It is not easy. But we need to heal in order to embrace love and be happy.
Yes, absolutely... It's not that easy, but we just have to move on..
Yes, a heart can heal. And we all need a loving partner in our life. Love is a great feeling and we should not deny ourselves of it
Yes, that's true. You're absolutely right. And thanks for your feedbacks
Have a blissful week dear @creativemary
😊
Cheers
I'm not the forgiving and forgetting type. Love mark twain but that quote perhaps doesn't apply to me.
But this line made me halted me —
Yes. That hit close. I believe it can only work when the person is close to you. 'How can they do this to me!'—that fragrance would scream, if it could talk. This is the moment one must learn to forgive. Specially, forgive their own selves. So they no longer torment their very own heart by reliving the memory of it over and over again.
Forgiving yourself is very important! The people can walk away from you, but the memories stay
Hi @creativemary!
So sorry, I've been away for sometimes, and apologising in advance. Actually, I post once in a while, yet I don't get rewards or anything. I guess it's only the Strong and those who has connections from affluent people here can enjoy HIVE at this season.
Hey! Welcome back!
Thanks a lot dear
Welcome!
Cheers!!!
Have a blissful week, @creativemary
You too!
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