I'm incredibly touched by all the words you write about your (difficult) relationship with your daughter, being a father... A 12-year old has simple but intense reasoning about the relationships she keeps, and she will have more nuanced reasoning in a few years probably - I hope you both find ways to (re)connect.
(Maybe it touches me because although my dad lived at home he wasn't always super 'present' but became present after he got sick - and then better again. I forced him to hug me which he never did, I kept hugging, and now he told my mom that 'he learned how to hug from his daughter'. It's the best thing I've ever taught anyone. I was 16 years old when I had that break through with him and I'm grateful it happened.)
I love reading personal posts, so I appreciate the little insights in your emotional life you offer me here :-)
Thank you. Comments like these mean a lot to me. And I remember acknowledging times when my daughter (re) taught me things too, these are special moments for all.