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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A man walks into restaurant and orders a steak the waiter says how would you like it cooked to which he replys ripp its horns off and wipe its arse l

A lady walks in a drug store asking for some arsenic.
Seller: Why would you want arsenic?
Lady: To kill my husband.
Seller: Ma'am that's called murder, I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Walk away before I call the cops!
(a line starts to form behind the lady)
Lady opens her purse and gives him a photo with her husband having an affair with hi's wife.
Seller: Oh, excuse me! I didn't notice that you had the recipe.

A guy walks into a police station, carrying a life peguin under his arm-
Police officer: Why did you bring that animal here ? You should take it to the zoo !
Guy walks off.
Next day the police officer sees the same guy in the streets, still carrying the penguin.
Didn't I tell you to take that bird to the zoo ?
They guy answers, all smiling:
That's where we went yesterday !
And today we are going to the movies !

The Federal Reserve