I took this picture at 5.15 this morning, one of the perks of never being able to sleep more than a couple of hours at a time..you never miss beautiful moments like this.
Its been a really rough week. Severe back pain that comes and goes, that makes me double over and unable to move my leg, several trips to hospitals and the slow realization that there is nothing the doctors can do.
"Its an unfortunate side effect of being pregnant with ehlers danlos syndrome"
I think I had more faith in doctors and healthcare than i should have had. Even though I throughout the years over and over had this realization: that going to the doctor with pain/ chronic pain solves nothing. I still somehow thought they could help me.
A highlight from this week was when we went to a clinic here in town, i was concerned because my one leg was way more swollen than the other. The doctor came in, 25 minutes late, sat down and starts reading my journal as he is asking questions.
I started explaining how i went to the hospital the evening before with severe back pain and that i got morphine for it, that it did nothing to ease the pain..
-why did you have back pain, what did they diagnose you with? Was his first question
-eh..pregnancy, i answered
He looks at me
-are you pregnant?
...yes
It was just so bizarre. Im 36 weeks pregnant, 8 months and he somehow failed to notice.
Anyways.
A doctor here in town at the hospital asked me why i came there, instead of going to the city. Oh i dont know, because im in so much pain i can barely breathe but sure i'll go have a 1 hour 20 min car ride that will not only make the current pain worse it will also trigger my chronic pain to get worse. For days.
They did tell me to go to the city next time, that they cant treat me there because they dont know enough about my condition. In the city they keep sending me home, im not in labor, its just muscular pain.
So, im home. Sometimes somewhat pain free. Sometimes doubled over, trying to take deep breaths as the pain stabs and cuts through my back and sides, just waiting for it to ease up. Sometimes able to walk, other times unable to move. Exhausted. Impossible to fall asleep when in pain. Other times i lay down, half sit dosing off only to be awaken by pain. But hey, its just for 3 more weeks. A lot of women experience discomfort at the late stage of pregnancy, at least thats what the doctors said.
Im not trying to get ppl to feel sorry for me, i just had to write to get it off my chest.
So sorry you are having such a difficult time. I hope writing helped ease some of your frustration. I'm sure that you know the best way to look after yourself already, but I wondered whether any of these ideas might help? Hope you manage to get some sleep - I always better after that.
Yeah it felt better after writing, its almost like i let go after i put my thoughts in to words.
When it comes to pain meds not much helps, and because im pregnant i cant use any of the anti inflamatory that does help and thats the biggest issue.
Some of the things listed i already do daily - mindfulness and meditation, yoga (took me 1 year of bodyweight training and 2 years of lifting weights before my body was strong enough to do yoga), i have a number of physiotherapist exercises i combined throughout the years that i do, feldenkris exercises that releases tentions and i relearned how to stand and so on. Brock treats me almost daily with the omtf massage tecnique, one of the few treatments that ever managed to decrease my pain without causing more. Other things on that list i dont do, i tired over the years and they dont work for my body.
It was just so hard on me hearing from the doctors that there is nothing they can do, that there is nothing more that can be done, i just have to live through this pain. Im no stranger to pain, but this new stabbing pain, it just takes over entierly.
So sorry to hear that. I thought you would probably know most of things on the list. Good that the massage works, hope that provides some relief in these last few weeks.
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