If you don't enjoy posts looking for help, please skip on by. It feels as though I have weights in my fingers while I am typing this and I know I have a problem. My problem is that it is extraordinarily difficult for me to ask for help. What has spurred me into action though is I need to ease my husband's stress, and for that I am just going to have to risk the muscle strain typing with weights on my fingers will cause. (Yes, yes humour is a defense mechanism!)
I am not looking for donations, my problems seem so minor compared to others. I would appreciate upvotes and resteems more than you could know. As regular readers of my blog know we have been struggling with our small business since 2008. We were sucked into the easy credit of the years prior to 2008, and after the shit hit the fan, we have been left picking up the pieces ever since.
(I really didn't know what kind of picture to use in a post like this???!!!)
Our small secondhand shop and online sales does make enough money to support us, but the debt always looms over us, and since we are in retail, a few quiet months (or even days) can be disastrous as we fall behind quickly. We are slowly shedding our debt and Steemit has helped a bit in this regard, for which I am so grateful it is difficult to put in words. I have been a consistent contributor to Steemit since late July 2016, but I have never hit the trending page, or even the hot page much. That's okay, as my posts will not appeal to everybody and I understand that. The slogan "come for the money, but stay for the community" is perfectly relevant in my case. Additionally for me, Steemit has become an outlet for my feelings and budding artistic (haha again) tendencies.
I have learnt to cope with my stress (mostly) over the last 10 years. I have had to. I nearly died 10 years ago and had to learn to change my coping methods in order to prevent, um, a recurrence. My pain at this moment is seeing the immense strain on my husband's face. We have a huge debt to pay by the end of the week and we are not sure if we are going to make it. This has put all thoughts of Christmas on hold, even though my sister from overseas is visiting for the first time in 10 years. I still need to organise food and a few small presents too and have no idea how I am going to do that.
My husband is a special gentle and quite charismatic person who works extraordinarily hard. He feels emotions so deeply and stress affects him desperately. As each day passes I can see the signs of strain etched in his face. I can feel his energy diminishing, and I feel helpless. He is busy with the massive job of moving everything out of our house to the new business premises and although he is 51 years old he is physically very strong, but the mental strain is leeching that strength. We have been together since 1989 and he is my soulmate. It is time for me to look after him right now.
We have an appalling credit record, though we have managed to avoid defaulting completely on anything for 10 years. For this reason my husband had to borrow money from a private person, and the stress of not being able to pay that person at the end of the week is unbelievable. We owe him R20 000 ($1570) and will probably be able to raise R8000 - R10 000 of that amount in the shop, though yesterday and today have been worryingly quiet. The value of SBD makes this a little more achievable at the moment. I sold 20 SBD yesterday which provided me with R3000, but I had to use that money for an account. It is for this reason I am asking for upvotes and resteems. I realise the payout for this article will only come next week, but I am hoping to lend money against the payout. It is all I can think of.
Now, why is this so hard??? I know why, I think. I am the maternal figure in the family. I am a mom and I look after everyone. I have 3 amazing children, who are the most content and unspoilt children, though they are given few luxuries, and I have never taken them for a holiday, ever. We haven't gone away in 14 years. I am the maternal figure to our staff, especially as they have all worked for us for periods of 8 years - 20 years. I am the oldest of 3 siblings, and I am fiercely protective of my brother and sister. My parents also stay with me, who I jointly financially support with my sister, even though it is very difficult to afford. I am the rock in friendships.
I am the helper.
I think this is the root of my problem, and yes it is a problem, because I need to go that extra step to help my family. I am not ashamed of not having material goods, or even holidays, though I feel bad for my kids. I think it is important we share our suffering so that others can know they are not alone. This time it is me, asking for help in the form of resteems and upvotes.
If you have read this far, then thank you.
@onetree
I of all people know how hard life can hit you. Hang in there. Think of every legal way to make money.
Tap into your creative part of your mind. Do everything you possibly can and God will do the rest.
This is an awesome community. Helping me put food in my mouth since June 2017. :)
My upvote aint worth poop, but Im going to give it, along with a nice juicy resteem.
Hang in there. Do not give up! No matter how hard life gets. When life knocks you down, you get back up!
Don't ever stay down. I have faith in you.
Thank you @iamnotageek I really appreciate your inspirational words! I am glad Steemit is helping you too.
Hello @onetree. I saw your post in a resteem from @karenb54. It certainly sounds as if you are going through some bad times at the moment and asking for help is definitely the right thing to do. I have followed you, upvoted you and resteemed. As someone who has gone through troubled times myself may I offer you some advice? Apart from what you have written in your post I obviously don't know your situation but it seems as if your husband is reaching a breaking point. If at all possible he should seek some medical help with regard to his mental health. I suffer from depression and medication is the only way I can effectively handle it. I overworked and found myself in many stressful situations and thought I was handling things well. That was until one day when I just broke. I became so bad that ending my life seemed a viable option. Now, I'm not saying that your husband is like that or ever will be but things can happen fast and seeking help now may be a wise choice. You also need to think of yourself. You are taking on a massive load at the moment and it will be taking a toil. Try and take a little time for yourself if you can, even if it is only a half hour in a bubble bath or some such. You are no good to anyone if you are broken, so be a little selfish and make some me time.
I hope I have not been too presumptuous. Wishing you all the very best.
I have seen a similar thing happen to my wife. Stress really is a silent killer. My wife has been highly stressed for years and up until about 2 month's ago she simply reached that breaking point. She can't drive anymore since she gets anxiety/pannick attacks, she's had pannick attacks at work and is still trying to recover.
The point is, as you've stated above, that it all reaches that breaking point, without any clear warning signs, then it is too late.
Yes, I do believe stress is at the root of many of our problems. We live in a society where we are surrounded by stressors constantly. I, like you, just want to see the people around me not just survive, but be happy sometimes. But sometimes you find yourself in a situation which makes it impossible for a while. I hope you wife is receiving help? I know it doesn't work for everybody, but yoga helped me more than anything else to cope with daily life. Thank you for your comment and I send my love and prayers to your wife.
We're working through it all, trying out a few different approaches. At least she will be at home for the next 6 month's. Finished off on the 15th so that has already been a major relief. Unfortunately we were just to late to avoid the anxiety so now we need to work through the after effects of being over stressed. Thanks for the response :)
@maninayton thank you so much for your thoughtful and insightful words. You are right, I am worried about my husband and honestly I've been in the situation where I have also longed for the permanent escape, though the sense of responsibility to my family would never allow it. It was unbelievably hard to ask for help, and I am quite overwhelmed by all the kind comments and support I have received. I have followed you too, and I am privileged to have found such a clearly kind soul.
You are more than welcome. I look forward to seeing more from you. Take care.
Sorry I am late with this, I will upvote 100% and resteem for you. I hope people keep upvoting for you as every vote will help you clear that debt. My thoughts are with you sending hugs ((HUGS))
Thank you @karenb54 your help and kind words are appreciated more than you can know.
Hi. I have been where you are, we took out a debt management plan that has helped us sort our debt out, 4 years I will be debt free. Do they do them where you are :)
They do, but it is so much more complicated with a business. My most pressing worry is the amount we have to pay on Friday. As for the rest we will carry on muddling through as we have been doing for as long as possible.
Do you have to pay it all back on friday. why not instalments. We muddled through for years until we both couldn't take anymore. I hope you can get itty sorted.
Thank you, I appreciate it!
I feel you @onetree. I hope you guys can come out of this situation. Praying for you guys! Upvoted and resteemed!
Thank you so much @phillip20steem. I really appreciate that.
wow is so hard live in countrys with problems economics upvote and resteem
Thank you @enriqueig I really appreciate it.
you are an awesome wife....your husband is a lucky man to get a sincere wife like you and we all here in steemit as one family and by your great post you strengthen this feeling in me ....I'm so happy to grasp your blog ..and I have the honor to upvote it although it's not so worthy and resteem it....following you to get this sense of the one family again ...all my respects and regards to you dear friend @onetree
Thank you @ghadaelsawy This is why we have life partners, to support each other. And we are more lucky as we have a supportive community too.
I have Upvoted your post even before seeing it on @teamsouthafrica discord but i have resteemed it now. God is your help and he will surely help you.
@seyiodus.
#itestify
Thank you!
I upvoted. But I want you to read my words and hear them. What's causing this hardship is that you're trying. You're trying to earn an income based on this ... trying isn't how that will work. A youtube creator can shill a lot of products and make nothing by trying. In this case, what I'm saying is just this; talk about and share the things you love as if it was of no consequence how they are received. Just as in actual life, that is how friends are found.
Thank you @caseyjparker for good advice
Good job that you did this post! It's the right thing to do, people can decide how they want to spend their energies.
It's like a bird calls out for its tribe in times of emergency, or the whale blasts its song to its fellows in the tribe in the ocean.
This is how you could locate your tribespeople.
Randowhale has just come back. I found out about this just a few hours ago! I didn't know what happened, something just told me to send one randowhale tip to your post.
And when I came home, I checked out your blog before going to bed.
Something must be telling me what to do!
All will be fine! Just do what you have to do!
Pray for your guardian angels' assistance! Some of them are still on holiday! SMS them to come back to you!
Best wishes.
Have faith all will be alright.
Thank you @kaminchan for the encouraging words. The post was difficult to do, and you have made me smile tonight! Thank you for the tip too, I was wondering how I got a @randowhale vote! I am going to start sms'ing now!
I wish you good luck in all your endeavors..... More strength to you during this hard times... @surpassingoogle Thanks for resteeming.
Thank you very much @seanmalex
Hello @onetree, I saw your post post from @teamsouthafrica on discord. I believe everything will become better for you. With God all things are possible for those who believe in Him. I want you to invite Jesus into your situation and He will surely walk with you through it.
I do say something that when you see a problem at it peak, that means it getting near the solution just like when we have boil. It get more painful when it's getting ripe.
i pray for you that help will come for you in Jesus name. I will continue to put you and your family in my prayer.
It's good you are asking for help and not giving up. He who run the race to the end is the winner/champion.
I have giving you my little token and resteem. This is a christian community account that i use to upvote and leave this comment. I will also do the same with my personal account which is @seyiodus. When things get better which I know will, I will like you to share your testimony with everyone. You can use #itestify as your main tag for itestify to manually curate your post and resteem for you. It is well with you and your family.
God bless you.
#itestify.
Thank you very much @itestify and @seyiodus it is faith that gets us through the hard times, as well as an amazing community of people like you.
We should all thank God for what He has done and what He is going to do in our lives.
Bless you sister.
Goodness me, i hope it gets easier. This is a stressful time of year as it is without added debt worries piling on top.
Thanks @meesterboom It has never been easy, but I'm used to it and can usually manage fine. But you are right, the time constraints on this problem and my husband's stress is a bit difficult at this time of the year. It always does get better though.
Please chat to @sweetpea. I'm sending her a message right now.
Thank you @giantbear I will, and for your support. :)
I wish you good luck! I gave you my upvote with the few cents on it and I sent you lots of positive energy to make it happen! :)
Thank you @purplemoon so very much, it means a lot to me, more than you would imagine.
Life is a challenge, my thoughts are with you. Stress is a killer, take a walk and picnic with the family, try to make some time for yourselves.
I think most have given good advice in comments and upvotes, hopefully this will take you into a better new year.
#teamsouthafrica has shared this post far and wide, our people have not had it easy for the past ten years, we can replace things, we cannot replace health or lives, take care.
Thank you @joanstewart you are right, things have been difficult in this country, but also in many other countries all over the world. I am honoured to have had @teamsouthafrica share my post and for your kind words.
It's great to see how a community can help a person in such an amazing way. I'm sure doing a post like this,asking for help wasn't easy and I applaud you for taking the step. You will be able to pay your debt (or at least some of it) in no time. Shared!
Thank you @bdmonuae it wasn't easy (putting it mildly) but I have seen the community come together many times. I have a germ of an idea....stay posted. I appreciate the support.
I have utmost respect for you ma'am, you have a good heart and I pray you come out of it with smiles and victory. Upvoted and resteemed.
I am touched by your kindness, thank you.
Hey @onetree. I am sorry to read that you are going through a hard time in your life. Maybe this "time" is longer than you've expected it to be, but I am quite sure it will not last that much and better days are coming for you and your family. Seeking help even here on Steemit is the right thing to do. Many times we get help from complete strangers rather from our friends and family. Keep your head up and I am sure you will reach your goals :)
Hey, isn't it weird, strangers are always more helpful than friends and family???!!! Thank you so much for your kind words.
@giantbear loves you and i do too. I just hurriedly came here, so i will not spend long but you have been hear since day one and reping SA and you have been awesome. Keep on awesome.
Thank you @surpassinggoogle ~ I have no words!
I have words: "keep on awesome!"
<3
Why the hurry?
where are going ????
I'm going thru a terribly difficult time myself. Completely single mother of three teenage boys with no child support. I need not say more ;)
My heart goes out to you luv <3 Resteemed
@arbitarykitten, thank you for the resteem. Life can be difficult sometimes, and nobody really talks about it, which is wrong. I have some ideas for people like us next year....
I just wrote about how hard it is to ask for help for some of us... Toughen Up is the title if you're interested. I speak of how harmful it is to tell kids that, and that may be to blame for our "affliction" ;)
I am interested in hearing your ideas!
Hugs to you my friend <3
I will most certainly take a look. It was extremely difficult to write the post, but I am glad I did.
This post has been selected by @teamsouthafrica's Daily-Nominated-Post. Your post will appear under the relevant channel in Teamsouthafrica's Discord group.
Thank you so much @teamsouthafrica much appreciated!!!
Wow, @onetree, I feel sad that I never knew of these problems in the background. Just yesterday I was talking to your husband and he is always cheerful and optimistic. He was talking about the new shop and that it will be busy moving the shop again. If I had known I would never have asked your husband for money for the boxes he gets from my recycling business. And now that I know the story I promise you will never pay for the boxes that you need, ever again. Don't stay away because you feel embarrassed about it. I honestly wish I knew before. Since I am very new to this community I do see the upvote post but am unfamiliar with the resteeming. Let me know how to do it and I will support you in that way as well. Good luck, I hope this helps.
Hi Nel, thank you for your kind offer! Business is difficult, but you know this. I would never take free boxes as you have a business to run too. So no arguments there!!! If you need any help with Steemit, feel free to visit me at the shop anytime. :)
Thank you, I will visit soon.
Upvoting and resteeming so that people will know how to be brave and strong for others (and for themselves). You have a beautiful heart. I fervently hope things get better for your family. Continue to be an inspiration!
Thank you @beatenegg. You are very kind!!!
Looks like this post will give you a nice little cash injection. I hope your situation improves. By the way, I see you have some SBD in your wallet. Perhaps you should sell it while the SBD price is so high.
Yes, thank you @condra I am definitely planning on selling my sbd, just waiting for a couple more payouts. ;)
Always be helper, this is show we are humans, by the way animals also helpful to each other's.
Yes, you are right. And I see from my pets how much pets can help and love each other, and us.
A little to help out, If your in a small town though really reach out to your loyal shoppers give them a reason to keep coming back. But also look at your supply stocks and whats working and what is not. Even open up some of your most popular items to online orders if you can support it. It takes some time but once you get systems in place the flow keeps going and the profits will continue to build.
I've been helping small businesses grow for the last 13 years of my life and own one myself so feel free to ask questions :)
Thank you @bitcoinflood Good advice is always appreciated! If I need help I will remember your kind offer. :)
Hi My Friend, Sorry to hear abut this, have resteemed and gone back to your 6 day old posts and given you the Max upvote I can, which hopefully will assist.
@awgbibb Thank you it will help, and I do appreciate it a lot!
Just hang in there as there is always hope. It may not be much my upvote and resteem is yours.
Thank you so much for your kindness @watersnake101
Hi ma'am @onetree I can certainly feel your trou bles and stress. I can feel you because I have been there (at your situation) although we don't have a business, your financial struggle is very much the same to what I have experienced when I am young. All can say is, do not give up. God is with you. He will not forsake you.
Followed you and resteemed this post of yours
Thank you @afterglow for your kindness. :) We all have troubles in this world.
You're very much welcome. Just keep on fighting :-)
Hi@onetree, will pray for you and your husband to get over this difficult period. There are many kind and generous people in steemit who will help. Judging from the number of votes which I am sure will continue to grow, I am sure things will work out for you.
Have uprooted and follow you.
Take care and God Bless
@jackpot
Thank you @jackpot the community response has been very overwhelming!
Life might get disghausting at times but giving up should be the last option we should ever think of.
I beleive you gonna get over this hard time soon amg get to smile again.
Goodluck to you
Thank you so much @mayowa-eu I will never give up. :)
You have a beautiful heart. Ups and downs are part of life. May GOD fulfill all your dreams. wish you best of luck and hope for the best.
Thank you @kousarabbas for your encouragement.
My pleasure.
Wishing you all the very best for 2018, may the steam roll in :)
Thank you!!!
Your very welcome!
100% Upvote. I think the physical aspect of what stress does is paramount. I suggest "the real red pill" from Infowarsstore.com. It is perfect for stress related ailments, promoting circulation, artery health and mental clarity without stimulants. Often what we see as mental ailments are actually physical ailments and the mainstream wants to frame these as mental health bc Big Pharma makes so much money off of medications for stress management, depression etc.. I would also recommend "adrenal health" by Gaia Herbs. As for your own relief, I have found that by committing myself to working on Steemit, the rewards begin after about 2 months. So whatever your passion is, post on it with your full passion and the rewards will come to relieve your stress, in both monetary ease and love from the community. Praying for ease for you both!!
I'm so sorry, I only saw this comment now. It was nested under somebody else's and didn't show up on my "replies". There is a lot of weird (and bad) stuff going on in this world, layers upon layers. Thank you for your advice and encouragement.
Wishing you the best, @onetree! Prayers and love to you
Thank you :)
Thank you for sharing your story. My steam power is not very strong but still. All the best for you.
Thank you very much for your support.
Upvoted and Resteemed! My full power vote is not much at the moment, but hope that things go well for you. Have a wonderful day!
Thank you so very much for your kind wishes!
me too 😓
wow
nice blog congrast;)
good post @bijoy123
Your thinking is very good, thanks for this nice blog
Thank you
Beutifull cat.
Thanks
Thanks
a sweet and funny Persian cat. And always you keep it well
Thanks
Woow how so cuteee ...your photo is so great..thanks for sharing i resteem your post.. @onetree
Thanks