Cats, once believed by naturalists to be a distinct species, were discovered in 1957 to simply be the product of crossbreeding between chimpanzees and rabbits. Sloths are likewise chimpanzee/pig hybrids. The entirety of the animal kingdom is now thought to descend from especially rapacious chimps.
"As we gradually sequence the genome of every known species in the animal kingdom, it seems more and more evident that there's just not a whole lot of living things that chimps won't put their penis into, given half a chance" said Rachel Williams, lead geneticist.
"When you think about it, these findings go a long way towards explaining a wide variety of human sexual behaviors once believed aberrant, but now recognized as unfortunately characteristic of homo sapiens and our most closely related evolutionary cousins."
In other news, research continues on the alien organism which crash landed on Earth a month ago. Namely what bodily openings it possesses and how, if possible, we might copulate with one or all of said openings. Every attempt to date has provoked only loud screeching from the creature, believed to be either efforts at enticement or moans of pleasure in it's native tongue.
This has been an installment of Real True History. All purported facts contained herein are works of fiction and satire. Anybody who mistakes them for actual facts has brain problems I am powerless to fix. That is all, go home.
Alex - I started thinking my dog is my relation now... lol is that true? I mean 'descend from especially rapacious chimps.' Is that a true history or a fiction? This is very funny... :)
+W+
We're all just acting out. Trauma from being rape babies of the ETs and their ape slave races here on earth. History is fascinating when real and true.
What about the platypus? A drunken 3 way between a chimp, a duck, and an otter？
Fuck I wish somebody had been around to film that
Everything I previously knew was a lie.
So, it's horny monkeys + hony aliens = human evolution.
I soooooo knew it.
It is not completely work of fiction and satire... Cause people are like that. And baby goat with a human face is proof of that lmao.
Now I know how Dwayne Johnson was born! T-rex banged with a butterfly!
Butterfly was a male ofcourse.
I always knew cats were just glorified rabbits!
AHA!
Where might I find this alien organism? Does it have knees? Hence, backs of knees? 👽
There's nothing it doesn't have ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
ô¿ô
giggity
Yes, I'm sure we all can't wait to have a nice bukkake fest on this new alien organism. We can make our chimp ancestors proud.
Really? From chimps? Well it sounds a bit strange that cat would be a cross breed of chimpanzee and rabbit, but I guess everything is possible with evolution
If it worked the way it does in Pokemon anyways.
Hahahaha well you don't say 😂😂😂😂😂
I think these are getting more and more disturbing LoL.
@alexbeyman,
Lol dude WTF they said. Definitely they are hybrid of chimp and donkey lol. You are the man of the day.
Cheers~
Taking the time to think about where organisms come from and why would benefit us as a society a lot more. Would maybe humble us a little bit and even teach us a thing or to about how we got here. Great post!
Something tells me you did not read the post.
nice ..reyl story
i like ur post...
@alexbeyman sir Such a great articleThis is my quest to follow the whales.. No matter how hopeless
love to read it
This should be a very sensitive subject. Many people don’t believe in evolution at all. They would ask why are still chimps among us if they were our ancestors millions years ago?
Are you being serious? The same reason why dogs came from wolves, but wolves are still around. One species branching off another doesn't cause it to disappear.
You are not talking about evolution. If Wolf becomes a dog it should be called adaptation. It’s still dog!
No, wolves are not dogs. Ask a biologist. They may look similar but that is not how species are defined.
I am indeed talking about evolution. If somebody told you evolution is something different from that, they lied to you. Evolution is adaptation.
What force would stop lots of small changes over time from adding up to big changes, over billions of years? What exactly would prevent a species from changing into something totally different from and unrecognizable as what it used to be?
There could be one answer for that, but I figured you wouldn’t understand.
Am I the one who doesn't understand here?
Some more questions I'd like to ask you, and which you should deeply consider before writing your response:
What is your reputation score?
How does it compare to mine?
What happens if I flag you, vs. you flagging me?
Do I need you as a follower?
Do you think I want a creationist as a follower?
After considering my response, I’m not gona flag you, it’s not in my nature. I thought this was a conversation and not competition. I have a huge respect for you as a writer, but it doesn’t mean that I agree with you on everything.
@alexbeyman......bro these are getting more Disturbing ....anyway thank you for sharing with us ....have a nice day
thanks for the information his friend, hope you are healthy always and your dream in this year can be achieved all its
continue to work,
Well do not really know what to say but it does seems surprising though ;)
Nice history..Thanks for sharing@alexbeyman.
wall i would just saying i am liking this keep it up