"Calling isn't my thing. I don't text much either. In short, if you text more than I do, it will be a problem."
Yeah. That's what he said. Right before we had that conversation, I did most of the reaching out. I tried to call, and send messages. And the likes. If I go many days or weeks without calling or texting, he doesn't do them. The only time he calls or texts would be when he needs something. It could be assistance(borrowing), funds for himself, his friends, family members, and probably, help with relocating, talking about a new business idea, or sorting one thing or the other out.
But if he did call, and not for any of the facts above, then, he'll talk for a few minutes and hurries to drop the call promising to call back. And never does.
At some point, it wasn't a problem. Why? Because most of the time I made excuses for him. There was a period he wasn't financially buoyant and he had issues with his phone screen. So I made excuses for him not calling or texting because of this. But when he became financially buoyant and he had his phone fixed, there was no other excuse to lay up for him.
Source
When he told me the text quoted above, I didn't pay attention, I thought he was probably joking around. But he wasn't. It had nothing to do with his phone screen nor how much he had. He just lived like this. I won't say this is his personality. I feel he hasn't loved someone enough to understand the essence of communication. Nor has he loved someone enough to always want to talk to them no matter what happens.
The first time I brought it up, he said I was acting as though I was his girlfriend. Now, that he thinks I am his girlfriend(only in his head) because we spend more time together, I brought it up again, and he said I was just looking for attention... Nice one.
Well, a few weeks ago, my sim had been blocked due to the NIN situation in my country. I decided not to unlock it to watch what he will do. Sincerely, he didn't call. Until the afternoon he made a trip to Abuja without my knowledge and wanted to know if I was home, so he could deliver my things and drop off some of his.
Pause. Rewind. He did call before this day. And it was one morning when someone sent me funds that were meant for him. I woke up to 5 missed calls. I was wondering what's wrong. Only to be told I had funds in my account that were not mine..... Typical of him right? Yeah. He called because of the money as early as possible not minding if I was awake or not.
Yes. The money day before the day of dropping off. And after this. No more calls. He went off to his work that takes 3 weeks and no calls, no messages. I think we lived like this for one week and I couldn't call because my line was blocked. I deliberately left it this way to see if there would be a change.
After one week, I received a message, I don't remember what it was but in the end, he said: "I missed you". Wow. Have you missed me or the physical activity you are desiring right now? That's what I thought in my heart. So, I just type, "I doubt it". Then he blurted out, "is it because I don't call?"
I don't remember what else followed but I know I talked back and forth, giving him all the instances I shared above and more. And he threatened to move to his friend's place who is dying to have him according to his mind.
I respond. "You can go to him". Every time he dragged the conversation, I reminded him to take his things to his friend's place when he returns. He went quiet for one week. And after 8 days he was in my inbox bantering more. Probably trying to win when he knew the odds were against him. I think I didn't talk much. I do not have the strength seriously.
Four days after, an issue with his job came up with one of his colleagues in my inbox, and I had to message him back and forth until everything was resolved. Once I was done, I stepped out and got a new SIM card. The plan was to remove the sim once my data for last month has been exhausted. For a few days, I wasn't online with him. So he had no means to message me when he liked.
Saturday morning he called. I was hoping it will be because something came up. He lingered until he brought up why he called stylishly. He didn't have to say it directly, "I called because", no he has his way but since I had started taking notes it wasn't new to me. I breathe a sigh of relief to know that he hasn't changed.
In between, he was trying to find out if I was out of data or if we had no power supply. How? I live and breathe on the internet, you should know this by now...I said in my head. So it's impossible for me not to have data or a battery. I told him I have been on the internet but he mentioned I hadn't been active on the one he communicates with me..... No comment.
Somewhere along the line, he mentioned his birthday is today. I know this dude, you don't have to remind me. I said in my head. Somewhere in his heart, he knows, I am done. Bringing up his birthday won't change the fact that I am patiently waiting for him to come to get his things and get out of my life.
Today is his birthday. And no, I am not going to create any post to celebrate for his friends to see. No, I am not going to be that friend that covers up the fact that we are having issues, and smile at the camera or the public to save face... That girl isn't me.
My data had been exhausted today. I know he is waiting for birthday wishes or gifts but no matter how many times my head has said to do the opposite, I am doing this... Making everything about him oblivious.
I had removed the SIM card off my phone, removed and created a new social media account, and added all my friends except him, his friends, and anyone related to him in any way.
This is me saying in action and not in words, that since he couldn't call or text as a normal human, then he doesn't have to do it anymore. I have given him the freedom to stay quiet without having to reach out since it wasn't his thing. When he comes for his things and asks for explanations, I'll say these to him
"I am giving you the chance to not have to call or text me since it isn't your thing. And you know the good about this? I won't be expecting it anymore so it wouldn't hurt. And no one gets hurt or bittered about anything. This is your free rein. Enjoy it.".
PS: I saw this statement on Quora, and it made me want to share this with you.
You’re not being selfish for wanting to be treated well. Remember that.Quora
All in all, if someone isn't trying to make an effort to keep a relationship, whether it's a mere friendship or an intimate one, don't settle for less. Always ask for what you want and if it seems the other party is on the receiving end and never wants to give, step out of it. Don't ever forget that love, whether it's cordial, agape, romantic, or in any form is proven by actions. Never allow anyone to gaslight you and make you feel like you are selfish or asking for too much. When you just want the things that make us all feel alive, wanted, and valued..... Communication(you can add anything you want in here).
oh, no Iska 😔I am so sorry this is happening. Communication is so important in a relationship and we should all learn each other's love language and give value to each other.
absolutely 100%!!! We all have a right to be treated with respect and kindness and not be taken for granted. I know some people are just not texters or callers but everyone can do one or the other, especially if they care. There is no excuse. So yes, it's like the saying... if you love something set it free... and that is what you are doing, although it seems you have made up your mind that you are worth more than he is prepared to give you anyway. You are an inspiration for loving and respecting yourself that much. !LUV
@samsmith1971(1/5) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | discord | community | <><
HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
Oh ma'am. You have no idea how this support means to me right now. I needed this for the strength to send him out of my life when he returns to gaslight me. Or try to make me feel guilty or kinda losing out because I know he will do it.
Thank you do much ma'am. 🥺🥰❤️
Communication is one of the most important factors in a relationship...
Any excuse of "I'm not a call person" or "I don't like texting" yen yen yen are ludicrous
Relationships involve compromise, and effort.
I'm sorry that you had to go through all that and feel like you're not loved.
I hope you figure it all out
Good luck!😊
Oh Max, you are a darling. I appreciate you for this. Thanks for the support. 😩🤗🥺🥰
🤗🤗
You're welcome
Congratulations @iskafan! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s):
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Thanks hivebuzz 😍😍🥵
You are welcome @iskafan, that's with pleasure! We wish you a happy buzzy week 😊👍🐝
You have experienced a very peculiar situation.
But we have seen your application as relevant. In the foreground, someone could circumscribe your experiences and thoughts only with the couple relationship, but you apply it also to friends, and to the different types of love. We found that very clever. 🌟
Yes, we want to show love with words and deeds, and in no way will it make things worse when we show it to others.❤️
A big hug @iskafan 😘
Aren't we told to marry our friends these days? 🥺
If I was supposed to follow this advice, wouldn't I be in a mess of a relationship and finally marriage?
Won't I be expecting and looking for something I know I won't be able to have?
Isn't it best, I leave now, that a lot of feelings and additional emotions haven't been ruptured? 😩
Thanks for reading. And for your thoughtful comment. I sincerely appreciate. ❤️❤️
I actually just took a screenshot of this to post on my WhatsApp status. I'm going through a similar situation and just like you I have said "no more". Seeing this post encouraged me to stand for what I want no matter what.
Thank you for this. I'm sorry you're going through this as well. You are doing the right thing by deciding not to put up with such attitude anymore. I hope you get the kind of love and connection you desire with a person.
Sending you a comforting hug babe.❤️
Oh. I am honoured @didiee to have my thoughts featured on your Status. I appreciate that .
Yes, you already saw the quote, you are not being selfish for asking to be treated right, so go on, and don't fret.
Thanks alot for this kind expression on my part. I appreciate you babe. ❤️😍
You did the right thing babes, like I will always say "if he wanted to, he will".
Communication is very important and I hope you find someone worth it.
Thanks alot for your support babe. It means a lot. 🥺🥰🙃
You are welcome, be strong, you deserve the world.
Oh my goodness.... My heart skipped when I read the last part 🥺.... You are a darling. Thank you. ❣️❣️
I love you ❤️ you are welcome.
I love you more 🥰🥰❣️❣️
I am glad you are taking care of yourself. It is very important.
It sounds like calling and texting actually ARE his thing, but only when he needed something, not when you did.
In my experience with people like this, the moment they are ignored or neglected (even slightly) and notice it, they frequently make an insane amount of effort to call or text. This is ego -- you are no longer a fish on their hook and it upsets them. I mention this because he might be back with grand gestures and promises, but I think they would ultimately be empty. Hopefully, he is just gone, but it is good to have a strategy for how to deal with him if he shows up somehow.
!LUV
!PIZZA
@harlowjourney(3/3) gave you LUV.
H-E tools | discord | community | <>< daily
I learned to take care of myself a long time. Initially, it wasn't easy to do so but I am glad I am slowing doing them.
Yes, that's exactly what I noticed too. Texting and calling only became his thing when he needed something..
Well, he won't be able to do the insane ego calling and texting no more because I changed my contacts details.
That's what I meant when I said I was giving him the chance to not have to call and since I won't be expecting it either, no one get hurt or angry about the other person.
Thank you so much for your support @harlowjourney. Much appreciated ❤️💚❣️
He seems more like a narcissist to me because what the f*ck is this behaviour. You know I've heard people like this exist but I find it hard to believe.
I'm not a call person yen yen yen but he can call when he needs something - the audacity! I am not a call or text person but when I care about someone, I make necessary adjustments. It's basic human decency.
My love, I'm sorry you had to go through this. I know it wasn't easy but I'm glad you were able to set healthy boundaries. I hope you fell better soon❤
Namey, I tried hard to not place him on the narcissist category but it seems even though I tried to call hide it, it's written all over
Thanks for being so real and raw about this.
I know that there is no such thing as I am not a calling and texting person because we all make compromises for her friendships and relationship.
And then you screamed... The audacity! I could hear it thundering on my ear drum over here... Lol.
Thanks alot for the kind words namesake. It would have been a shameful thing if I didn't take this step yet always advising others to do it..... That would be some high level of hypocrisy in my opinion.
Thanks again for the support. 💚💚❣️❣️
You're right dear. Some people's behaviour makes it hard to hide who they are.
I'm glad you were brave enough to do the right thing. I'm so proud of you ❤️
O my! I relate well to this narrative. I've been here and out. We deserve to be treated well and our emotions respected. Absolutely love this and glad i found my way here. brilliant post Love💗😍
I am glad you got out. This isn't a place anyone should want to be. Thanks for stopping by.
💗💗
People will always show who they truly are 🦏 when we give them the chance to reveal it. I have heard that when people show us who they are - it is our job to believe them! ~haha!
The last part.... It took me so long to accept it whenever people show me who they are.... I'll start doing it now. Thanks alot for the reminder. I appreciate. 💚💚
Yeah communication is key. Reading through I could relate so well because I've been in a similar situation before but now I've found someone that calls me almost everytime and gives me all the care and attention I need and I know you are going to find yours soon.
Thanks so much teem leeder. I appreciate your thoughtful comment. 💚💚
It's my pleasure sweetheart 🥰🥰.
Remove all negativity from your life.
He sounds like an arse. Is this the one you were telling about a while ago and you were worried he would find out you had no family near you. Or maybe I am confused.
Either way, you are a wonderful young lady and will attract someone who deserves to be with you.
No oooo. This is a completely different person that I have known for many years now.
Having around more closer than before helped me put all the tiny pieces together.... Everything from all the years I have known him began to make sense recently.
Okay the time element did make me wonder.
Well I am glad you figured it all out...
It sounds like it was more than the lack of calls and texts. He simply didn't want to spend time in any form, unless he needed something?
I smiled at this comment. Because it represents him in every way. Every time he spent had been times he is running away from something I couldn't place my fingers on. The moment it seem as though it's been resolved a bit, he picks his things and dashes out as though someone I pursuing him.
That's not a good friend. I'm glad you put him out of your life ♥️
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL
PIZZA Holders sent $PIZZA tips in this post's comments:
wrestlingdesires tipped iskafan (x1)
@harlowjourney(3/5) tipped @iskafan (x1)
Learn more at https://hive.pizza.