Virtual hogs Carl!
Not in the situation that you are in and never had the chance to be in that part but I hope that everything will be better for you with your healing. I can only imagine the hardships that you are going through right now and as a father it breaks my heart to read some posts, that are like this.
To cope with problems before, I learned to shunned away emotions and be as cold and distant as I can be. It helped for a while as I felt that problems just come and go but later on the void for a connection with someone gets bigger and bigger. I turned to online gaming to escape the issues that I have and even sleeping for extended hours I was in bliss when I do but then again after a few sessions when time up and I woke up the problems were still there.
So without anyone to turn to I turn to God. For the first time in my life, I told Him that I am not the strong person that I am portraying, I am broken and a complete mess compared to what I perceive to other people. ( I never went to church btw as I have some reservations still about trusting people ). Just listened to multiple songs and finally saw a quiet church in our place, started the journey and here we are. Still broken but coping with things in life.
Not really sure if this helpful but always remember that you are valuable and you matter.
Thanks so much for imparting your wisdom @tpkidkai..
Hopefully, I can work this out soon ☺️