I think I have always been a chronic procrastinator.
At least I can't remember a time when I didn't tend to drift off and do something other than the most important thing that was at hand.
Sure, I have learned lots of different tools over the years and some of them work pretty well and allow me to at least maintain a semblance of concentration and focus. I make lists, and I have little "schedules" I print our and have to follow every day, on which I check off boxes of things that must get done. And it works... up to a point.
I'm not sure why I procrastinate, but I have certainly read an awful lot about this particular psychological problem (or disorder).
Some people suggest that procrastination is actually a product of childhood trauma, while others suggest that it is a byproduct of depression. Yet others suggest that if you find yourself procrastinating — and repeatedly so — it's most likely a manifestation of the fact that you're doing something that you dislike and/or are resentful of having to do.
Never quite bought into that one, as I live a rather privileged life of someone who's self-employed and get to do things I really do like.
Regardless, the “Procrastination Devil” is often with me, luring me towards doing other things (aside from the most important one of the day) in need of doing.
I found myself thinking about writing, again. Not writing, as in blog posts on Hive, but thinking about writing my HSP book… and how I always seem to get bogged down in it. Not even sure how I get bogged down, because I do have a pretty good idea about what sort of finished product I want to end up with. But I get bogged down, and then I switch to procrastinating again.
Do I dislike the book, even if subconsciously? No. I think what I dislike is the fact that I am fairly enthusiastic about a very niche concept I will end up putting 100s of hours into, and ultimately might make 1/10th of minimum wage for creating.
In the end, I ended up writing some more on “Coffee in the Apocalypse,” a slightly surreal set of reflections on how it feels to live as a neurodivergent person in a world you don't really relate to. I got bored after a while, and stopped.
And so, I found myself actually organizing my “writing” folder, in expectation of actually moving forward with some of my book ideas. I suppose I feel some slight sense of guilt at completely having skipped past NaNoWriMo and other writing challenges that typically run during November, every year.
It was about time to do that (organize)… and it was surprisingly easy to get things on the way. Although it feels like I have done A Lot Of Stuff™ over the years, there’s really not that much body of text, just a lot of ideas and outlines. But at least I feel a little more ready to write something.
And that feels good.
Now I am going to “avoid” any further effort by putting the rest of my evening time into finishing this post and getting to bed. I'm giving myself a bit of a "hall pass" because I was kind of sick earlier in the week... and still don't feel back to 100%.
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great week ahead!
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Created at 2024.11.24 23:19 PST
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Success with that book, page or line written daily! I hope to read it here soon. The pictures are beautiful. Best regards.
Mostly I procrastinate because either I'm not felling very well, or don't want to do the job.
The results of the flower plant photography are quite beautiful and I like this look.
May I add one more important and additional "trait" to these theories that could lead to a better diagnosis of your mysterious and inexplicable procrastination?
Well mate, I suspect that what contributes the most to your problem (or disorder) of procrastination. It's that you are a perfectionist. But I still have to investigate a bit more if it is "perfectionism" alone which is the responsible and whole culprit of your disorder or if it's some sort of mixture of it with all the other ingredients of the other diagnosticians. ;o)