Robert, James, Mary, Alice, June...My mother's voice soared across the brook that separated our yard from the forest. Her singsong refrain traveled over the pines and into whatever thicket we were exploring that day. It was time to go home.
How old was I? Three, four. Maybe five. Not more. But when I recall her voice now I am in the moment again.
We didn't resist her summons. She was always waiting, usually on the porch. With her at home was another brother. He never came with us to the forest, because he was an invalid, bound by a twist of fortune to a crib.
Home. My universe, in its proper order. Mother and her six children.
Somewhere in time, my mother's voice still echoes through the trees and she still waits on the porch. But many of those trees have been cut down, and the six of us...we are now three. My mother long ago departed.
For everything there is a season.
How do I make sense of the season I'm in? How do I live in it?
I remember reading about the cicada. Some cicadas live underground, as nymphs, for seventeen years. They spend their days in nymph form, eating, growing, preparing to fulfill their purpose on earth. In culmination of this effort they emerge as adults, climb a tree, mate, and die. Seventeen years of preparation for six weeks of life--their final season.
When my eldest brother died, three weeks ago, I felt sad, profoundly sad. I allowed myself that, briefly. Then I insisted on getting back to the business of living.
Is that all there is? Peggy Lee sang these words wistfully in the 1960s. If that is all, her song suggested, then we should take out the booze and start dancing.
I loved the song, and love it to this day. Peggy Lee's rendition is haunting, but the shallow, almost nihilist vision of the lyrics will not carry me through my final season. They were not even enough to take me through the hardest days of my youth, when I found validation not in distraction, but in doing.
William James, the American Pragmatist, is said to have written the following to Helen Keller: Act as if what you are doing makes a difference. It does.
Once, when I was in the hospital recovering from surgery, I met a young woman who seemed incapacitated by the surgery she had just endured. She was my roommate. I was a veteran of surgery and had learned the basic rule for recovery was to get up and move, as much as possible. And so I did, to the astonishment of the nursing staff and roommate. Dragging an IV pole behind me, I fetched my own supplies and even made my own bed.
My roommate was on the brink of tears. One of the things that bothered her most was her dirty hair. So I helped her wash it.
I have no grand plan for my days ahead. I'm not going to discover the cure for a disease and I'm not going to write a great novel. But in this, my final season, I can still do.
Is there sadness? Yes. Lingering in the past, though, takes me nowhere. I, personally, cannot be both sad and productive.
Turning to William James once again--he wrote: The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. I can hear my mother's voice, and I am stirred by memory of that time, and of my siblings. But then I let the memory go and I look to the future. Like the cicada, I try to find purpose in this, the final season of my life.
I think this picture was taken in the summer of '49 or '50. I was born in '47. I'm the girl on the lower right, holding her chin. I was always a serious child ;) One brother is missing from this picture, my brother who was an invalid. He had suffered traumatic brain injury at birth. He was twin to the smaller of the two boys in the picture. The brain injury was a matter of bad luck. The first twin, the boy in the picture, had an easy birth. The second twin did not.
The names used in the story are not truly our names. I used substitutes that sounded right to my ear.
- **The cicada reference:
One of our best bloggers on Hive, @abneagro, recently wrote an amazing piece on the cicada. That's why this insect's life cycle was in my thoughts.
- **Title
From Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, New Standard Version Bible
- **William James
Founder of Pragmatism, which some characterize as the philosophy of doing. He taught at Harvard and wrote books on psychology, philosophy and religion.
- **Helen Keller
Deaf and blind because of an illness in infancy, Helen Keller became a pioneer in establishing services for the blind. She wrote books and demonstrated that the deaf and blind are 'able'
- **The Photo
This is, obviously, my own
I'm sorry to hear about your brother and respect your fortitude. What else to do but go forward and be kind? William James' writing to Helen Keller echoes a sentiment from my favourite film; 'One man's life touches so many others that when he's not around it leaves an awful hole.' Perhaps that is all there is to it. But I think that the mouse hotel alone has earned you your place in paradise....but not for a long time yet!;)
Hello my friend @deirdyweirdy ,
I hesitated to write this and then thought, why not?
Oh wow, you do know how to say it. Yes, exactly. That's the only power we have...be kind and try to make a difference even a tiny difference--maybe in an abandoned chicken's life :))
That's a great quote.
As for the mouse hotel 😂---it'll take a lot more than that to make up for some of the stuff I've done😁
Thanks for your perceptive and kind words. Always you leave an impression that lasts.
A writing where nostalgia is felt, I felt in part every emotion that you capture in your publication, I see that you have gone through many things, like everyone, some good and some not so good, but you have managed to recover and not give up, that is admirable. I liked your attitude regarding the operations you have had, moving little by little to strengthen your body. On the other hand, I'm sorry to hear about your older brother, it's very hard to see our dearest family or friends leave us.
The adult age of cicadas is short, but their youth or early stages are long, there are insects that live only a few weeks. If we are alive, then we must do our best to shine in our own way in this world, like fireflies in the midst of darkness. Sending you a hug @agmoore 🤗.
Hello @abneagro my friend,
Yes! People hesitate to talk about the real stuff, and I hesitated, but it felt good to write about this. These are universal experiences and concerns, I think.
Thank you for your kind thoughts about my brother. Accepting loss is part of maturing and we don't have a choice in that, do we?
As the cicada does its job, so we must do ours 😇
I send I hug to you and your family. Thanks again for your kind and insightful sentiments.
Sometimes it is a good idea to release some emotions by writing, Hive is a good tool for that.
Yes, it will always be hard to accept it, but we are still alive and we can't give up, we have to look around us to realize that there are still people who need us in some way, family or friends.
One of my 2 best friends died in February 2021 from COVID, it was a friendship of over 30 years, he was like a brother. What hurt me the most was that I never got to see him for the last time, as he was away for 3 years as an emigrant due to the situation in my country. However, our loved ones never die completely, they will live on in us because we will always remember them.
Hope you have a nice day Friday 😇.
🌷
I am very sorry about your friend. We lost a dear friend to COVID also, in March of 2020, when the epidemic was first starting. I'm also sorry that conditions have forced so many in your country (and other countries) to separate from those they love.
You are right. Those we love are always with us.
Nice to "know" you, @abneagro.
Your friend, AG
I love your approach to life, @agmoore, and your outlook. Why not keep doing and enjoying the doing, since you can? I'm with you — while sadness is real an it's important to process our emotions and our losses, just sitting in that space feels counterproductive at some point.
I'm very sorry about your brother. That must be so hard. You have so many years of memories tugging at you, I'm sure, each time you think of your family members. I am several years behind you, the second youngest of five, and I see that on the horizon at some point. I dread it. I shudder. I'm still very close to all four of my siblings. Life is meant to be lived, though, and I intend to do so fully at every step of the way, even through the inevitable losses. I try to cherish the people that have gone on to the next realm, thinking of them with a smile instead of sadness.
I will have to round up a picture of me as a young girl at some point to share with you. I had straight brown hair and bangs. Your picture reminds me so much of what I looked like as a little girl!
I found that [Peggy Lee song on YouTube](
Wow, you're right. It is so beautiful and haunting.Hugs to you, my friend.
Thank you my friend, @jayna, for this thoughtful response. Writing for me is like the therapist's couch. Getting this out has been helpful.
Yes, exactly. My brother certainly lived. He set a model for me...he was a good brother.
We can't dwell on what will be. That just robs us of the present.
Please do round up the picture of you as a child. When I saw the movie To Kill a Mockingbird (with Gregory Peck) I thought Scout looked just like me at that age.😇
I read your response several times. Your sincere sentiments are most appreciated. Warm hugs to you my friend.
So sorry about your brother and really have no words as your straying thoughts of your own mortality.
I do believe that the final bit is the best bit though, time to gather the old bones, inject the last bit of life in em and go another great round.
If we're gonna go out like fireworks anyway, lets go out with a bang!✨
Hello my young friend, @seki1,
You are very sweet, very kind. I don't mean to distress you with my 'straying thoughts'. I have been very sad since my brother died. It helped me to put this down in writing and share it. I actually feel better.
I look at the president of my country, Joe Biden, and I see how he refuses to accept the reality of his age. That is not only unseemly but a tragedy for my country. I'm just determining where I am in life and deciding the way I can get the most out of it.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. Have a great week, @seki1.
We appreciate you taking the time, to either use #ThoughtfulDailyPost, or otherwise help this Community grow. So...
Thank you!!
Thank you Thoughtfuldaily post, and @wesphilbin. Where would I post such a piece, but here? You offer a perfect niche for people to 'talk things over' that matter. Or at least talk things over that matter to them--and maybe others.
It felt good to share these thoughts.🌈
https://peakd.com/c/hive-113115/created
Wes...
That does look interesting. I just took a peek and subscribed. My mind tends to follow ideas to a point where no one else cares😄. Writing is a good outlet to flush out those ideas. The Free Mind Collective seems an appropriate place to 'discuss' them. Thanks for the reference, @wesphilbin.
👏 Keep Up the good work on Hive ♦️ 👏
❤️ @jasonmunapasee suggested sagarkothari88 to upvote your post ❤️
🙏 Don't forget to Support Back 🙏
Thank you @hivecurators. I truly appreciate the support and acknowledgment.
Of course there are no words to measure or compensate for the loss of your brother, but I’m more than sorry! Life can be so damn tough, but as Jayna said, I love your attitude…your willingness to take what there is and move forward. I hate the tough patch that you’re going through and only hope that it eases. Huge hugs! you are sooooo very, very dear!
Thank you dear friend🌷
Writing has always been the best way for me to communicate, and so I indulged in that luxury with this post. It helps me to organize my thoughts and understand where I am. I appreciate very much your kind sentiments and your understanding. You are one of the friends on Hive that I can 'talk' things over with.
Hoping you have a most peaceful weekend, dear @itsostylish
Thank you @innerblocks. In all the time I've been on Hive I don't think I have checked you out. Time to correct that :)
I appreciate the recognition and curation.
Challenges sometimes can be overwhelming especially when they are health issues but we just have to try our best to move on hoping for a better Tomorrow, so sorry for your family ordeal.
Thank you for your kind comment, @beauty197. Writing about these issues does help me. I like it better than talking. When you talk, you can bore people. When you write, people can simply decide not to read :)
Have a great Wednesday!
This post deeply touched me. I'm late for a reply but anyway._
My house was my cosmos as well; I hadn't noticed that until now, and this is partly why I love your posts. We were six children, and, long story short, I always managed to categorize everything all things within those parameters. Along with this, or because of this?, I copied my mother's attitude towards life: never escaping responsibilities, even if they were not completely mine. Time has taught me to revise this and fix things a little--I hope not too late.
I find your wisdom strength admirable. You can make your own bed while recovering from surgery, you thrive; and certainly, you can write that great novel.
Cheers, friend. Thank you for the inspiration 😌💓
That is a great deal to have in common, you and I. A devoted mother who influenced our worldview in the context of a tight nuclear family.
I very much appreciate your comment. My feelings are less raw now than when I wrote this blog. It takes time, but sharing and working out the thoughts helps (me, anyway).
I'm not really that strong--just determined. A very stubborn woman :))
Thanks for reading and comment. Wishing you a peaceful, and satisfying weekend, my friend @marlyncabrera