A big auditory hug of Dad-ness.

[riverflows]

I'm absolutely not an expert on grief. I'm incredibly lucky to have only lost one person that close to me. I realized this when some people, on hearing about Dad, would give me the run down on the list of people they had lost, probably in a desire to connect and to let me know I wasn't the only one. The awful stories are of those who lost a sum of people in a short time span - one girlfriend had lost her best mate at 21, followed by both her parents. Of course, grief is common to all of us. Yet whilst there might be common timelines or coping strategies, everyone has to navigate it in their own way.

After the bone shattering, heart clenching, paralysing pain of the first few weeks, I am beginning to understand all the well meaning advice people had given that didn't really help at the time. The worst of it does pass, or at least change so that you can live with it.

It seems to me, from my limited experience, that a choice must be made.

You can choose to make the grief and loss your entire identity, or make it simply part of who you are. I overheard my daughter in law, who lost her Dad to cancer when she was 18, saying that at first grief is like an all encompassing circle - your entire life is within it. Then it becomes only one of the circles, or that all the various aspects of your life begin to expand past this circle.

Mum and I were talking about how it's been hard to listen to his music. When he died I listened to it constantly and then I couldn't at all without my heart siezing. I missed him in the silence between every note. Then, listening the other day, I realized that he was with me in the notes. I chose to smile. I chose to make his music about love, not loss. How precious! I thought. Here he is, in the room! How incredible that I had a Dad who loved music so much, that shared it with us. How amazing that even in the last weeks of his earth time we sat and listened to music together.

So now, I choose to listen. And I find that whilst some songs make my eyes water and my heart turn on on itself, most of the time I'm just enveloped in a big auditory hug of Dad-ness.

With Love,

Are you on HIVE yet? Earn for writing! Referral link for FREE account here

Comments

[honeydue]

So if tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me, please know I'm in your heart.

A big hug, my dear <3

[riverflows]

Thanks x

I couldn't get through the video. Just too sad.

[goldenoakfarm]

I am glad you chose to work through the grief this way. Music can be healing. And your daughter in law was right about the circle, at least in my experience.

[riverflows]

💓💓💓

[anafae]

Beautiful post ❤️
I can imagine it must be an intense process. So beautiful you can still connect to your Dad through the music.

[riverflows]

Thanks @anafae for dropping by. I'm so glad he is kinda still a presence in my life in this way x

[balikis95]

Loss always hits hard, especially when the person is super close to us. I am sorry you had to go through that. It is a part of life that we all have to go through whether we want or not. It can't be escaped .

I am glad you feel so much love in listening to the music he loves. I am sure glad a smile took hold of your face even if it is just for a while.

[riverflows]

It absolutely makes me smile x

[owasco]

Nice! It took me two years to get to this point! May you have a multitude of happy mamories of your wonderful father.

[riverflows]

Oh gosh, I must be on the right track then. I do think so. I mean it's different coz you were his Mum and carer, and on some level I am used to or was used to being away from Dad, and parents are meant to died before their kids. I just feel he's just down the road aways, and my mind just says: you'll see him soon enough, and though my faith or lack of says that is untrue, I try not to think or dwell on it. Just hold the joy and then shift gears to something else.

I heard the CRAZIEST story today, and my first thought was.. damn, Dad would love this story.

[owasco]

Yeah. I do that too. Niko would have loved this restaurant, or that view, or this music. I think I connect directly with him at those moments, he is still here, and joyfully, no longer sick.

[trucklife-family]

❤️

[ladiesofhive]

^!LADY

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@ladiesofhive, you successfully shared 0.0100 LOH with @riverflows and you earned 0.0100 LOH as tips. (6/20 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@riverflows, You have received 1.0000 LOH for posting in Ladies of Hive. We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hodl LOH tokens over a long period of time.

[wesphilbin]

@riverflows...

"So now, I choose to listen. And I find that whilst some songs make my eyes water and my heart turn on on itself, most of the time I'm just enveloped in a big auditory hug of Dad-ness."

There's that saying... well, one I say a lot... "There are signs everywhere if we look". I know photos are a special way to remember those we love, as well as those who are no longer with us, here on the spinning rock. But music... sweet, sweet, music. The Universal Language; sometimes hearing a good tune that reminds us of a memory. It's just as good, if not better, than a photo... I hope you are having a good day today. Just remember that you are loved...

!LADY
!LUV

[luvshares]

@riverflows, @wesphilbin_(2/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki | <>< daily

Made with LUV by crrdlx

[ladytoken]

^{View or trade LOH tokens.}

@wesphilbin, you successfully shared 0.0100 LOH with @riverflows and you earned 0.0100 LOH as tips. (1/6 calls)

Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.

[trucklife-family]

This is beautiful, a beautiful way to navigate your grief xxxx