This morning I didn't drive down the dark country roads alone - Jamie came with me, taking the wheel as he is want to do, as men do because they believe it's safer, as if their wives can't drive. It irritates me, but like many things in a marriage, you tolerate it because of all the good things. The independent, fierce one inside me wants to drive, but it's not worth the argument. If he wants to drive, he can drive. Whatever.
Sometimes I think I'm a terrible wife. I spend a lot of time finding ways to be alone. That's why I like surfing on my own - he's not a morning person, and enjoys his time in the shed with projects, so I get my alone time without asking for it or making him feel as if he's not wanted. I don't like him coming to the beach with me. Oh it's lovely really, don't get me wrong - we hoot each other onto waves and it's nice to share the session with the one you love. But I find myself irritated that he takes longer than me to get in the van, that he has to go to the toilet as soon as he gets there and runs off with the keys before I stop him. I don't like being mindful of another person when I go surfing - it's my time. Selfish, maybe, but I like it when it's just me and mother ocean. I don't like all the questions: 'have you seen my towel' 'where's the sunblock?''are we going in now?''I'm hungry'. It's just interruptions to my flow.
I think it's just that I really, really like being on my own, and it gets worse the older I get. When you're in a marriage, you have to consider the other person. Compromise. Care for them. I'm sure I'm not the only woman that gets fed up with that and wants to just look after themselves. But maybe I've always been like that. In every relationship I've ever been in, I've arranged it so I sleep in a bed of my own. Perhaps it's my nervous system. I get overwrought. I need time just thinking, processing, on my own, without the interruption of another.
The word 'interwaves' bubbles into my consciousness. Interwaving perhaps is the interplay between solitude and comapnionships - like the waves that move independently of each other but are part of the same body of water. There's a similiar ebb and flow of personal space in a relationship - the tidal pull of wanting to be alone, yet still being interwined, interwoven. Interwaving seems to encapsulate the way emotions and desires shift and merge and flow, just as waves do in the ocean. They have to be allowed to roll through, undammed. We allow each other space at the same time as enjoying shared moments. One wave brings space, another the opening up on the shore, the allowing, the recieving.
Maybe, in this process of interwaving, I let him drive not because I have to, but because I choose to.
With Love,
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Sometimes even reading your posts, I think you two are a version of Tina and I, down under! I know my wife struggles with me at times and my quirks. The trouble is she is 100% perfect, never does anything wrong 🤪
I’ll often need a wee as we go out of the door anywhere, even when I’ve had absolutely ages to go for a wee. I take far too long to do up my shoelaces. I always drive too close to parked cars in a street or very nearly hit the curb all of the time. I know the width of the car!!!
Tina never puts lids back on things and that annoys me😌
We do a lot of stuff together but have our own independent escapes too.
Marriage would be boring if we agreed all of the time. So I’m happy with it being 0.000005% lol!!!
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Lids? What are those? Haha I never put lids or things as I've misplaced them or dropped them on the floor. Haha I know I can be irritating too.
Marriage certainly teaches tolerance and patience. People think we are perfect but we have our quibbles like any marriage.
Watch those narrow lanes!!!
Are Aussie roads very wide compared to UK ones? I’ve just committed an offence about thirty minutes ago, leaving some stuff out on the kitchen island that she cleaned earlier. If I’d done that and she did the same - I never complain!!
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Some of the things are so recognizable 😂
My wife likes talking and she can't stand it when it is silent for too long and I sometimes like silence. This sometimes becomes an 'issue' during long rides 😀
I think everyone needs his/her time alone. Instead of surfing I'm cycling. Perfect to clear your mind without having to talk. And my wife has her own hobbies too.
As you are in a longer relationship you need to 'accept' the small annoying things. Just count to 10 and be happy with the things that you do like about him/her.
Be thankful you still have them around...
I love him so much, don't get me wrong. You know what I do? I reach for his hand in the car and tell him I love him when I get irritated. It's a great diffuser and reminds me that ultimately I do appreciate having him around. It's my annoyances, not his quirks. I definitely breath and don't react - much, haha!
Gawd, I think of Mum missing Dad so much now - she would give anything to have him around playing his music 'too' loud or not making the bed.
I can completely understand your desire for having your own time and space. It is the same with our marriage as well. We have been together almost 35 years, married for 32 of them. We get on each others nerves rather easily at times. Since I no longer drive, at least for now, she gets the wheel and I have to shut my mouth and be chauffeured. Of course I drive her crazy because my mouth can't stay shut for long while she is driving, there is always some direction to give 😀.
I get the need to be alone. My sister has this trait in spades and can only tolerate very small interactions with people before she MUST be by herself. And as a result, she lives alone, with 2 cats which are sometimes too much.
I really don't mind being alone so much, except I learned to share my time with my husband and I miss the sharing of things. And my husband ALWAYS drove, even back when I could drive. Bet he was glad when I stopped driving back in 2001, except now he HAD to drive me everywhere I needed to go.
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I really enjoyed this read. Individual spaces are important. Around me I see that very few people respect them. Relationships become toxic...
yeah I dont get it. I need my space so badly that I'm always respectful and aware of other people's space.