They're people, not checkboxes
Ain't that the truth. I think we tend to simplify things - people - into very distinct categories. They're narcissist, they're kind, they're selfush, they're toxic - single stories that fail to take into account the wider context of a life.
I find it amazing - and I've seen this more than once - when people cut off their parents and no one really understands why. The other siblings/s don't have a problem, there's no real history of trauma or abuse, but boom! - they're gone. It happened with my exes brother, for one. She grieved him for years. We suspect it was his partner/guru (same person) that encouraged him to cut ties.
It's very cult-ish - just like the internet. We are believing self styled personalities without questioning their authority or expertise. Perhaps it is better to work it out for ourselves, however messy that gets. Because, human relationships, no?
I take solace in the fact there are plenty of people getting their toes in the mess pool and figuring it out. There's plenty of young people who are too busy listening to life instead of socials.
The kids are alright.
They just need to switch off the internet and switch on themselves.
I was listening to a funny convo today via an older colleague. He's a very intelligent physics teacher. His 22 year old daughter rang with her dramas yesterday. You know, the he said, she said dramas. She had been getting way too embroiled in it, getting contradictory advice of her other 22 year old friends.
My colleague cut it short. He suggested, in no uncertain terms, to stop listening to other 22 year olds who had no life experience either.
'Its very simple' he said. 'He apologized, you accept it, and move on. Or you don't, and that's it. End of. Stop making your life complicated.'
Perhaps we should take more relationship advice from physicists.
That's awful, the poor family. It really is a grief and I think it's impossible to understand, as a child cutting off their parents (unless you are a parent yourself).
"real history of trauma or abuse" - exactly. Much as everyone needs to process their own story and have it heard, I still think we need to retain such distinctions between really fucked up, abusive, maniacal parents and parents who were just okay. Who tried but maybe could've done better.
Thank your physicist friend for me. :D
You know, my husband is also a physicist (he teaches it, and maths, but at his heart he is quantum physics and definitely made entirely of atoms) and his relationships are also simple.
He's incredibly tolerant and doesn't get caught up in grudges or retributions. Sure, some people are beneath him and he finds them intolerable, but drama, no. He doesn't get into a tizz over things.
Me and my Cancer moon and Libran sense of justice though - oof.
Starting to think hard science in the ticket. Who woulda thought...