This was indeed a very introspective piece, thanks for taking us through your thought process.
I have to commend you on choosing to stay at home and take of the kids while your husband worked. From what I've heard, being a stay at home mom is not easy at all, juggling between making sure the kids are okay and keeping the house clean while also providing food on the table.
I can see while it would be impossible to still keep up with your own hobbies. One aspect has to be given up.
I admire you for doing that for your family.
I've always wondered just how much of myself I would be willing to sacrifice in the event that I had kids and got married.
Right now I'm grateful that I am still single and that I don't need to consider the thoughts of another person before making certain decisions for myself. And deep down I am not ready to give that up.
I sometimes wonder if my selfishness might spill into my marriage and motherhood. I hope I eventually find a way to balance it all out because I certainly don't want to lose myself in service to my family.
And don't get me wrong, I think it's great that I get to serve them in a wholesome way that a wife and a mom would, but I also don't want to get carried away by doing that.
Is it possible to strike a balance between the two?
There are times when I think that might be nice, but I know how lonely my sister has been at times without a partner (although she was also a single mother). I also love being a mother, even with all the hard times. I met my husband at 17, so I've never really been able to experience what being single would be like as an adult and can only imagine it being lonely. Perhaps we both imagine the other side to be harder than we think. You make of life what it deals you after all. I believe you would bring your own experience to a marriage and motherhood.
I think some people do strike a balance, but it becomes a hectic lifestyle and I don't handle hectic very well. Yet some love it like that and handle it very well.