There's many things about me you'll never know...I'm private in real life and have only shown a glimpse of myself here, albeit it much more than some others. Despite that people draw conclusions, right or wrong, and some are more perceptive than others; It's the same in the real world.
Being blunt
To many I come across as a blunt instrument; None too bright. I've been told as much and I don't mind in the least bit. I am many things and blunt-instrument is one of them, I don't see it as a bad thing, it's just a human thing.
We cannot all be sharp minds; Intelligent and intellectual. No...I'm just a blunt instrument, along with the other things that combine to make me the person people perceive me to be. I'm also many things people will never see because I do not allow it, or they choose not to see it.
Showing weakness and vulnerability has never been something I've liked to do. If someone hurt me physically I'd just stand up and say, is that all you have, with challenge in my voice. I didn't have it in me to admit I was in pain, that that person had gained advantage. Unfortunately that spilled over to the emotional me and that inhibited my early life.
My life changed.
It wasn't until the age of twenty eight that I learned how to say sorry effectively for instance.
I could say it...Sorry. But around that time I realised there's a difference between saying it and meaning it. Not just to the person receiving the apology, but to me also. Fortunately at that age I began to understand myself a little better and that being humble and kind was a great strength, not a display of weakness. It helped me move forward through my life more confidently.
I'm human and I made more mistakes however and to this very day I continue to do so; Today's has filled me with contrition.
I said something that hurt a person greatly, a person who means a great deal to me and, whilst I stand by what I said because it was the truth, I could have made myself clearer - Was it the medium in which the communication occurred? Was it the words? Fear? Doubt? Insecurity? Disappointment? None of that is a factor. The issue is I hurt someone through bluntness and that hurts me in turn.
I feel pain despite my efforts not to
Can I be honest with you? Don't tell anyone but, I like people to think well of me. I like people to feel they can depend and rely on me, to be consistent and to show up and be the person they need at any given point. It's in my nature. I'm a sheepdog, not a wolf, although I can play the part of the latter with great skill.
Other people aside, I like to know I'm those things...Dependable, strong and supportive, humble, generous, kind, loving...You know. It feels good to know I am those things and I feel hurt inside when it's doubted. Of course I'm many other things besides...There's always darkness where there's light, hate where there's love. I work hard to be the best man I can possibly be...But I fail often, as I did today.
Today I was human
Today wasn't my finest day; It was bright and sunny out side, and there were moments of pure brilliance but today I was a quintessential human being. I made a mistake and it left me feeling flawed, broken and unworthy.
Today I let someone down who means very much to me and whilst I believe a path forward has been established it has left me questioning myself - I'm good at that too; Reflecting on my attitudes and actions. Should I excuse myself? Make excuses? No, and I did not in that communication. I said sorry and learned from it... And will try and apply those lessons moving forward.
I don't know what this post is about - Maybe an attempt at catharsis of sorts or a way to punctuate my own feelings. I use hive to do that a lot.
Maybe it's me pouring the words thoughts out to see them ordered and structured at arms length so I can consider them more effectively. I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just admitting to y'all that I'm completely and utterly fallible...I don't know. But then I probably don't have to explain it as it's my post.
Just on another note, whilst I'm being open...Over the last three weeks I have been going undergoing tests for cancer and yesterday all of them came back clear for which I am grateful. It has been a fairly stressful time that I've kept largely to myself and whilst almost none of you knew the exact nature of the tests a select few chose to comment and offer me some words of support. Thank you.
Happy weekend folks, be humble and kind, the alternative is not a good path.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209
Don't sell yourself short, matey - You're far more intelligent than you think you are , or have been led to believe...from my observations anyways.
(One part of a persons psyche can make you blind to the other parts).
I am many things and blunt-instrument is one of them, I don't see it as a bad thing, it's just a human thing.
It's NOT just a human thing - it's a sign of your own inner strength. Many never get there.
....Ok, I'll stop now..(I'm not trying to ask you out on a date or anything...lol)
Good news on the test results thingy ! (although I don't really know much about it, tbh)
Thanks mate...Yeah I have my strong point and many weak ones. I suppose they balance out to leave me a totally fallible and sometimes acceptable human. Like most I don't like to talk myself up, doesn't seem much point.
I appreciate your comments and yeah cancer. It's a mother fucker, so I'm happy I don't have it. 🙂
and yeah cancer.
Ah bollocks !... VERY good news then!...(I'm not giving you any x's - you'll definitely think I'm hitting on you! )
Like most I don't like to talk myself up, doesn't seem much point.
...My rates are 100 hive per hour...lol
...good news matey,anyways - I'm well happy for you.
Lol...Well...Here's my Tinder profile pic...Just in case.
I know. I'd been hitting the gym for months and months.
#demguns
I'm glad your test came back clear! It must be a huge weight off your shoulders.
I'm a blunt object too, the worse part, I don't think I care either(working in the oilfield as a woman I kind of have to be that way tho to be taken seriously). Sometimes people need to hear things they don't like in order to grow. There is still a way to deliver a message with tact tho... Don't let it beat you up so much, we all fuck up from time to time.
Hey
little bugRebecca despite than not being your name...Yes, the weight lifted last night when I got the news and I feel good about that. It's been a pressured from weeks.Yeah, I'd imagine yo have to be a particular personality to mix with with those roughnecks. I'd say you do a good job though, you're still doing it after all.
Fucking up seems to be a past time of mine. It's a shame they didn't offer it as a subject in school...It may have been one I passed. (May, you'll note.) I think things are ok...I'll know soon enough I guess.
Thanks for your message and I hope you have a great weekend!
Yeah the weight of not knowing, I had 2 scares of Leukimia as a kid (turns out my blood is just weird and attacks itself sometimes...has to do with immune response from my allergies). Paul had a scare too. Nowa days tho there is so much cancer it's scary.
Ah gawd, yes I have to be a personality or I'll get steamrolled. When they don't know me some try but quickly find out that pushing their luck is not a good idea. I go from cute-ish to the devil pretty quick.
"It may have been one I passed" That's too funny. That person will probably get over it...maybe...depends how bad it was! I try to be more mindful as I age but I certainly have my moments. Hope you have a great week-end too, now you get to party like you don't have cancer 😁😎
Gives the term bad blood a whole new meaning.
I don't know what the deal with with cancer, that bastard pops up everywhere. Is it because it wasn't reported on in the past as well? Not diagnosed back in the day? Or worse, something we're doing now is causing it all...A bit scary.
You're cute, no doubt...Not willing to find out about the devil part though. I know how proficient you are at EMA. I bet you keep these bastards in check. EMA those buggers!
I'm going to party like it's 1999...Like Prince said although...It was the biggest anticlimax. I hate new years eve at the best of times. Bloody big old let down every year. I stay home. Lol
#grumpybastard
I think all the cancer has to do with all the chemicals in the food. Pesticides and shit, not sure tho I'm not a scientist I only read controversial peer reviewed paper that was later sued by mosanto to be retracted. Will we ever know? To be fair my gramps had cancer 5 times (the 5th time got him) and he had gardens and played with a lot of that chemical stuff.
Bad blood...lol. I like to say I'm half white and half indigenous and those 2 demographics never got along very well in these parts so the war continues on in my blood.
I stay home too, I don't really celebrate anything tho. I remember 1999, I was a teen and my mom filled the bathtub and just about every bin in the house with water, it was weird. Everyone acted strange in my hometown.
Yep, that was my point...Sunblock, GM foods, preservatives and chemicals etc...Who really knows what it does until it does it. Look at Thalidomide.
I like that you are two warring factions inside...It's a good excuse for pretty much anything...It was her...Not me. Lol.
Lol...Yeah, same here...People had on tin foil hats and all...2000...It was the year I turned 30...NYE 1999 I was home...Watched a couple movies I think, as always on NYE. I hate that whole NYE party thing. So dumb. But then parties in general...For a socially shy guy like me...They don't work.
That year, we left all the parents to their madness and my friend and I just watched the parties on tv secretly drinking and smoking since everyone was distracted. Opportunist! lol
lol I can see how parties don't work for a socially shy guy for sure! I'm all partied out, I used to be the party house before I moved, plus too many people know me, I don't get the luxury to be a fly on the wall so I have to fight thru my shyness so I don't seem stuck up or rude.
Honoring your courage to bare your soul and allow others to see all that is not perfect, Galen.
Delighted about your test results and appreciating more than most people alive how that feels. And how exhausted it can leave you.
Sending love. Struggling through burnout and trying to re-establish my daily Hive practice. Inspired by you. Grateful. x
Thank you @artemislives; I rarely like what I see in the mirror, there's moments, but not many. That's what makes it more difficult for me at those times when I disappoint people like I did today. I felt...Well the title says it all. I'm ok now though...Coffee and donuts have healing powers.
I know you've been through so much and my thing was nothing in comparison, but yes, it's not been the best few weeks...Well, months really if I'm honest. But I'm clear and just in time for my 51st which is coming up in a few weeks. Yay.
I hope you manage to find some time for yourself, you know how important it is, so I don't need to lecture you. Take some time, recharge and knuckle down to it again. 😉
Still in my dressing gown at 12.50pm on a Saturday - unheard of when I'm not sick. But finding my stride a little.
Thinking of running the bath and having a good long SOAK - see my W/E contribution. Miss 16 is at a sleepover and I have some uncommitted time before the 4pm pickup.
Look forward to reading more about how this experience with your health changes the way you plan to live through your 52nd year.
Hugs. No more beating up on yourself.
!ENGAGE 25
That's a legit Saturday morning! I approve. (As if you needed my approval).
I had plans to do so much today but spent most of it chatting with a friend. Ended up getting some workshops stuff done, but have been pretty unproductive.
No more beating up on myself...I punch hard so it's unpleasant! Lol. Seriously though, I appreciate your comments...And hmm, what to do with the rest of the year...I'll work something out around not having cancer! 😆
Pro-Tip - plan your 52nd year AS IF YOU DID HAVE CANCER. Live & love BIG with no restraints or limits. 😆 It's worked for me. 30 years of living on that see-saw. LOL.
Bath is nearly full....
I like this...Sounds like a good plan! I'm hoping covid doesn't get in the way of 2021 to much, my plans. We'll see...I certainly won't be flying overseas though...Although I've got somewhere in mind for when I can.
Enjoy the tub.
ENGAGEtokens.I’m so happy to hear your test results came back negative for anything cancerous! I do hope you are getting help for what ever symptoms you had that made you get the tests done initially.
Thanks Eve, it would have been a shit thing to carry into my 51st year for sure. Fortunately I don't have to carry that particular burden. Yes, there is the symptoms...I'm still dealing with that. I'll be ok...Pretty resilient dude. I appreciate you commenting though. Thank you. 🙂
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Well we all have our moments of not so greatness and as you have done apologized and go forward as best we can. And glad to know you are clear of cancer mate👍
Thanks mate...Yeah I'd not trust someone if they told me they never fucked up. I'd know they were lying.
Cancer free dude...In fact the other secondary thins is not really an issue either so it's all good...Can't get rid of the G-dog that easily. The blockchain is stuck with me!
Haha awesome mate😀
Oh thank God.. was just about to DISCORD you to ask how the test went but thought I'd check here first. So happy. Xx Catharsis is one of the reasons this blockchain exists. X
Yay huh? I was pretty relieved although waited before I told anyone...I don't know...Just wanted to keep it to myself for a while...Silently be thankful that I don't have that hurdle to face.
And yes...They should have called it Hivetharsis.
Well that is good news, awesome news in fact!
Hopefully you'll get an olive branch offered over for the words that sound like they could have been phrased better.
Have a fab Saturday eve and Sunday.
Thanks mate...Good news is always welcome in my life...I've had enough of the other for two lives I think.
And yes...An olive branch would be nice...I think it'll be forthcoming...If not...Get ready for more dark posts...Will change my name to Shadow-dog.
She'll be right mate, The G-dog is so loveable that he's impossible to resist. Lol
HapSAT...This is code for Happy Saturday.
I am happy to hear you are clear from your tests. I know that feeling when waiting for the results and it's not one of my best memories. I feel better now that I know I have many decades to come to visit :)
Have a great weekend!
Lol...Hoe could I die of cancer without having a visit with @santigs! Lol
I'll all good mate, not 100% but good. Thanks for your message. ✅
Hey @galenkp! I appreciate you for baring yourself here. That's courage. Bruce Lee was a wise man. Not everyone could do this - admit that one is wrong and mean it. I don't think I'm courageous enough to bare my feelings but I do try. I have thought of writing my reflections but always come up short, like will I make sense?
You make a lot of sense. With the three decades I've spent on earth, my conclusion is that humans are complex, mostly because of our emotions.
In an argument or confrontation, both parties feel the pain though they may show off as if it's nothing. So I get it when you say you are pained. I'm glad there's a path forward for you and this person. Hopefully we get better in our interactions with others. That's the essence of these experiences - learning.
Congrats on your cancer test results. I can't imagine what you've gone through. Glad you are in the clear. 😊🍀
Admitting one is wrong is the first step to learning valuable lessons. I wish I'd learned that earlier in life but the fact I learned it is a good thing. Still, I make mistakes. I work hard to get batter at my communications and how I react to various things...Of course I'm just human and will therefore mess up.
Thanks for your comments and yeah, I'm glad I don't have cancer. Makes me happy.
We are all human and in that respect, you can stand tall in my opinion. The ability you display to reflect as well as acknowledge truths is admirable. Truth be told, many would benefit to take a leaf out of your book @galenkp. I have no doubt that the person referred to in this post has the foresight to see the bigger picture and to look beyond the flaws and see the goodness in you... well, they should!
Thank you @jaynie. I guess it's a difficult thing for us to admit our failings (has been for me as a younger man) and whilst I thought writing this post may be quite personal and maybe odd for me to post, admitting to myself that I could have handled a situation better in hindsight means I can possibly make changes moving forward. So it has been a positive thing.
Sometimes people fall away of course, due to something I've done or said maybe, it happens, but if I can mitigate the damage moving forward I think I'm being responsible to myself and those I come into contact with. Not all people can be all things to others.
You humble me with your impressions of my actions and in general and I'm pretty sure the person referred to in this post will understand that people are fallible, themselves also, and that one action or hasty word doesn't define a person's sum and total.
It is my hope we can move forward into whatever future lies between us. Maybe I'll even do a follow up report at some stage. Who knows?
Thanks for your kind comments.
Don't run yourself down mate, many of us create that hard outer crust to protect ourselves. But it what is inside that crust that matters. The one thing of the many that you were blessed with is courage and it takes courage to lay yourself out like this. YOU ARE HUMAN!
I didn't even know about the cancer tests and it must have been a severe trial for you. Yes, life is fleeting and we are glad that you are clear, as I read somwhere that cancer cases has increased exponentally over the past years.
Saying sorry without meaning is empty breath and just the fact that you rue hurting another shows that you are on the right track.
We all make mistakes and it is in the correcting of them that solace is found. It takes a man to apologise and you are all of that.
I only hope that others would read this and realize that we are all in the same boat.
Blessings!
Thanks Zac, I appreciate it and know you're right. Humans are imperfect and mistakes get made. It doesn't mitigate my feelings of disappointment in my self of course...Just makes me want to be a better man. I guess I've learned from my mistakes all through life.
Thanks for your support there.
Yeah mate, cancer...But it's all good mate, G-dog is fit and healthy, good for another 50 years...As long as someone is finding it because I haven't got enough! Lol..
Thanks for being a good brah.
Thank you for the kind words Galen and as long as we are willing to learn from our mistakes, there is hope for us 😉
Great news that you don't have the big C and now you can get your head out of the way and continue with your gift of life.
Thank you also for being a good friend.
And here we see us again, I just read this post and saw myself in it, as well as the others. You know what I mean ;).
Funny connection with Bruce Lee, we are a household of WingTsun masters, the bf of my sis is a 5th grade WT master and my man practiced it for many years as well, the EWTO is next to us.
And the cancer thing, first of all so happy to hear that the results are how they are. I just scheduled an appointment for April last week, to finally get it checked myself. I'm not a doctor type and have been pushing it for maybe too long. I recognized some changes for a while but until it became obvious, ignored it. One of my weaknesses.
We are just full of flaws but as you said, admitting to them may be seen as a weakness by many...but yet it is the greatest thing we can achieve. Because with that comes understanding and a pos change can happen.
Big hug and positive thoughts for you and the one you may have hurt...
Through understanding oneself better change can be made, as you say. It's why I seek the truth within me, acknowledge it and not hide away. I hope I have not ruined a friendship with my actions, I think not, but we'll see. I have learned though.
I think you are the same? Like to see the truth within so you can affect change.
Cancer is so prevalent these days and I guess it's best to be checked than not. Early detection is better than late. I'm not a huge fan of the doctor either but it was worth the effort.
I hope you're having a great weekend and those issues are sorting themselves out.
Cancer tests? I remember when I tried joining the Navy which I failed by the way.. apparently they want nothing to do with color-blind gimps. You know you're a mess when even the military's like "uh.. nah, you're not even good enough to die!"
As morbid as that last sentence reads, I laughed my ass off writing it so it's intended to be funny
Dang I got runnin at the thumbs about myself on this one, you're good at instigating that. Navy—they tested us for aids (it was new back then) and said something to the affect:
That was a shitty month!!!!
I'm over 100 words again. Cancer?! Dude.. are test results anything like my mailbox?
All this and all I really meant to say was back on the job, back then, when young men especially but many of my seniors as well would comment "how'd you get so good at it?" My response was always, "I'm just better than I was last time I did it and the only reason you think I'm good is cuz you didn't see how many times I fucked it up before this."
That and the age thing. We know we gain wisdom and I look at 20 n 30 year old kids like "idiot!" You're not much older than me but I know you believe you're wiser and I know I'm the wisest I've ever been, here's my question: You think 60 n 70 year old men look at us like we're the same idiot I see in those 20 year old kids?
Have a great weekend!
I'm glad the results were good for me, cancer is not what I want to deal with right now. All good though.
Yeah, that would have been a difficult month. Navy huh? What did you want to do when in?
Yep, those older dudea think we're whippwesnappers! But I'm with you...20 year olds now man...Dafuq!
Of course fly a Navy fighter jet but my grandfather was a Sub Mariner so optimum would've been both.
Yeah, I would have liked to be a pilot...I'm not smart enough though. I'd probably end up in the galley peeling potatoes and so things went in different directions for me. I know a submariner. Odd-bod, but I think one would need to be a certain type to take to that job. Respect to your grandpa.
Well, anyone else that quotes Bruce Lee can't be all bad. They must at least be on the path to enlightenment lol. Glad to hear about the tests, no wonder Faith was freaked out when she discovered the testing. That must've been really hard on her with everything else going on. I hope it's a weight off for her. You owe her a nice dinner (her choice, not pizza).
One of the best things I learned is that apologies or amends are best the faster they are done. I used to be really bad about this, letting things go until "the heat wore off", or until I felt the "timing was right". The time is right as soon as you can bring yourself to do it.
Happy weekend! Get out and celebrate!
Yeah Kris, when she found that testing thing she freaked out at me. Wasn't too pleasant. I get it though, it's just that...Well I'm an idiot sometimes. Dinner huh? Not pizza? Hmm...You're probably right. I'll defer to your better judgement on the matter.
I couldn't agree with this more! I was the same, and even then the apology smacked of insincerity...Not because I didn't mean it, I just grudgingly gave it to preserve my own ego like a dick head. These days, well even in the heat of battle I can usually understand when an apology is required and I give it...I tend to be more problem/fact focused. Of course Kris, I make mistakes. Quite clearly.
Thanks for your message mate. I can always rely on you for guidance, intelligent dialogue and you know...It always seems to get delivered with calm assurance. You're a good chap.
I'm glad when some of my hard learned experiences can perhaps save others some of the time or pain that I spent learning them. I can be quite stubborn many times still, and I used to be much more hard headed into learning things for myself. I suppose with age comes a little wisdom and giving in to some of those outer voices. Enjoy the weekend!
People lament getting older Kris, but there's benefits I think. Of course I'd rather be 32 and know what I know now, but that's impossible so I'll just be me, learn, grow and develop and hopefully set a good example for others through my own hard-earned wisdom. As do you. ✅
I love that Bruce Lee quote.
Don't beat yourself up too much mate.
Thanks mate I try not to get too down about it, that's going to get me nowhere...I hate fucking up though. I have few people close to me, by design, and I don't like compromising them. I learned a lesson. And yes, it's a good quote.
Hope you're well.
Yep everyone hates fucking up; some more than others ;-)
Yes...I guess it's those who fuck up and don't address their actions that really lose. I guess I'm lucky in that way. I have ownership and responsibility.
I am extremely relieved to find out you were cleared of cancer
Yeah man, it's good...The alternative would have sucked although knowing me I would have kicked its ass! 😆
Ah the tests are good, I'm happy for that! Being blunt and harsh with words..... I get it. I am guilty of that too. I find it difficult to express my emotions and I am constantly learning. I think that it shows great maturity to admit that you're sorry and trully mean it. I received my share of "sorry" without those words being actually spoken from the heart and it is more painful to hear them like this than not at all.
We are all human. We make mistakes. I think that trying to fix them is what counts. When people care they try to fix things, when they don't... They just find excuses.
!ENGAGE 10
I try to be the best me...It doesn't always happen. The more I try the more it happens though.
Yes, I'm glad cancer didn't come to fuck up my year. That was good news.
ENGAGEtoday.That's (and I am rarely heard to swear in my wanderings through Hive) FUCKING AMAZING NEWS MAN!
There have been a multitude of clues contained within your posts recently, even some of the posts that were very light in nature, for those who read enough of the words contained within. I was hoping the tests were for something far more innocuous than that, but feared from something that (you said) Faith had said that it may indeed have been along those lines. I didn't want to ask as I don't imagine you would have appreciated that while things were in the air and you were waiting.
I've lost count of the number of times I have said that you must be due a turn in luck so I will keep my F'ing trap shut!
Hmmm it sounds throughout this post that you have a lot of issues and you may be a little flawed in some departments... Congratulations Brother, you're as human and imperfect as the rest of us that wear the nametag 'human'. You learned to apologise effectively a lot sooner than I and I still fall very short of the standards I would set out for myself in this regard at times.
I presume the person you upset knows you well, if so, I'm sure upon reflection, they realise you mean no ill. Your musings, self insight and understanding of people generally mark you out as anything but
I don't see it. There's nothing wrong with that, many people are classified as just exactly that and still pretty good, cool people but I don't think that's you and I struggle to accept that you genuinely believe that.
Not that, in the big scheme of things it really matters anyway lol. I am genuinely and sincerely happy at your news Galen, you have dealt with far too much shit in recent times, to have had that crap living in your head man. Oh and if throwing it all at the page helps process stuff and has a cathartic effect, then long may it continue mate and like you say It's your post haha.
Laterz dude 😎👍
Thanks Steven, it's been welcome news, but as tends to happen, life goes on, keeps giving and taking, and so I've not had much time to reflect on it. I'm glad I don't have to carry that cancer burden...I'd actually already made my mind up to stop hive if the tests were positive for cancer; I didn't want to be that guy - The pity-guy. Fortunately I'm all good and you fuckers have to put up with me.
Hmm, my friend as mentioned. Time will tell what happens there; It's actually quite a complex matter. I'm hopeful of a future moving forward but as it stands I'm not sure. Life has a way of working out though and Like I said, I'm hopeful.
I'll have to stop being such in idiot one of these days.
Wooo Hooo.!!! (Test Results)
Human We Are...
Many are not even "Self Aware."
To be so (aware we are not perfect) makes us closer to perfection.
Many do not even try.
src
Thanks mate, I appreciate it.
I've always said it's people's imperfections that make them perfectly them.
I have many.
I also like people to think well of me. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I am sure there are some that don't as that is probably unavoidable but I try. That is all we can do, try our best and hope it works out.
And glad your tests came back clear.
I agree mate, we can only try to be the best version of ourselves. It's up to others to respond, or not.