“If the mind gets frustrated, the body will commit suicide similarly if the possessiveness causes frustration, the love will commit suicide”
― Sir P.S. Jagadeesh Kumar
I want healthy loving relationships, I’m certain of it. But I have to confess that I suffer the sickness of possessiveness. And I call it a sickness because it overwhelms me, takes away my clarity, makes me behave erratically, and lose the trust of those I love.
There are many theories about the origins of possessiveness. From unattended childhood needs to the constant efforts of capitalist society to make us feel unworthy of being loved, the truth about it probably has many angles and they all add up to the whole understanding.
What is it about imagining our companions loving others sexually or taking attention away from us that gets us so stirred up inside? If they were to do that, wouldn’t they probably just be doing in the quest for their enjoyment? Don’t we want them to enjoy, to be free and happy?
When it comes down to sexually affective relationships I realize I have TONS to work on. When I was 16 my parents divorced after all those years preaching on the importance of marriage and coupled relationships. Two days later, the first girlfriend I was ever with cheated on me in front of my face in a party.
I know by this point, having twice that age, I should already have gotten over those events. But their power still lingers inside and opens up wounds, making me insecure and leading me to bad decisions.
As you might already have guessed, I’m writing this precisely because I made some poor choices (or at least they seem like that while the pain is present, maybe it’s all good in the long term) and had some serious vibrational dissonances during the last two weeks. A beautiful, and I mean big time beautiful relationship, was seriously hurt because of this and now I walk around trying to heal my shattered soul.
So, having recognized the disease it should be time to find the correct medicine, yes? It is precise to see things in the broadest perspective possible. What can we do to guide this pain into new learning and use it to evolve spiritually?
The first thing that comes to mind is that I become possessive when I am not living the way that is most natural to me. When I go about my daily actions constantly trying to please another it is really easy to get frustrated if that person seems to have their attention elsewhere.
In this case I would ask myself: “why doesn’t she seem happy when I’m here, making every effort to make things work? Why is she worried about people that live off in a distant land? Why is it more important for her to fix all of society's problems instead of focusing all her energy in those who are living with her?”
This leads me into the common issue of expectation. For example, if I cooked something nice I would expect that to make her feel happy, blessed and grateful. But if after eating she was complaining about un unpleasant situation I would feel really diminished and feel like no matter how much I did to make her happy I was just losing my time and energy.
All of the before would lead me into a spiral of negativity and I would try my best to heal it without making a mess, but it just didn’t work. My insecurities would strike at me with no mercy and from there it went all downwards.
Now it seems obvious that I have to do every action focused on my own wellbeing. It might seem selfish, but there is really no other way. The only path to give Love is to be so filled with it yourself that it just effortlessly flows on to others. Trying to push on through the hard times with sheer strength will work for a little while but it will only collapse in the end.
While self-love might be seen as something socially unconscious to work on, it is actually the medicine that the world needs. When we are in love with ourselves there is no need to possess others, we stop depending on their reactions and we can constantly keep irradiating the beautiful energy that we hold inside.
To find self-love is the key that opens all gates to turn this back into a charming world, filled with creative magic and free from the oppression of external demands.
Es lo que descubri en estos tres meses.Primero tu,segundo tu, tercero tu...para poder sanar. Sabiendo esto los pedacitos de nuestra alma se van recogiendo solos y volviendo a unir como una luz dorada que sella la trizadura. No sabemos querernos y respetarnos.Que es quererse? es tratarte como tratarias a quien mas te importa. Ya sabemos que no somos egoistas, ya sabemos que comos muy empáticos... y para dar amor, efectivamente debemos estar llenos de amor, pero de nuestro amor. Que te hace feliz? hazlo. Baila, rie, pinta, siembra...la sociedad se encargó de enseñarnos que hay que sufrir y eso, siempre fue una mentira. Desde la cruz de Jesús...vivimos en un mundo lleno de engaños para no descubrirnos.
Una vez sanos estoy seguro q nos podemos dedicar a puro entregar ✨
Self love or self respect? Some seem so far into loving themselves that they end up disregarding others as they think solely about themselves. So perhaps a balance is needed there.
Well it depends on what you consider Love. I don't mean to become a narcissist, I mean to have an open heart and be filled with acceptance.
Sorry if that came across badly, I suspected you meant it that way. I’m Just dealing with a couple of people who have taken it the narcissistic way. So easy to misinterpret what people are trying to say about self love; either that, or they take what they want to from it and use things they've read too justify their behaviour.
All love to you on your healing journey. ❤
None offense taken, and I've known a few cases like the ones you describe as well 😵
Yes!!! You are so self aware, @fenngen. The fact you can articulate this and make plans to change.. or really, to unveil the true self of unconditional love speaks volumes.
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