So, for a few weeks now, I've been taking these aerial yoga classes, which are really fun and unusual. Basically, you work with a suspended hammock and wrap yourself up inside it, and do a lot of inversion. In other words, a lot of monkeying around, trust falling, and screeching "I can't, I can't". Turns out, you usually can.
Anyway, on top of that, there's a big yin element to the practice, meaning that most classes are all-female, and center on femininity and inner power. Last night, during meditation, the instructor said something that made me think, she said
"Feel more feminine."
Immediately, I noted the distinction between feel and be. A lotta times, you'll hear parents or teachers or family members (particularly female) tell young girls to be more feminine. E.g. act like a lady, don't monkey about, and as they grow older, take more care in your appearance. Except, telling someone to be more feminine, to me, sounds wrong. It implies they are not, and since feminine is something they should be, then obviously they're being wrong. And I can't even begin to explain how wrong and fucked-up it is to tell a child they're existing wrong.
Now, feel more feminine is different, I think, because it implies the feminine power is already inside you. That's one focus of these yoga classes. Rather than becoming something you're not, or trying to "be a girl" by putting on a short skirt and make-up, you're meant to harness this extraordinary, natural power. The life-creating power of nature that is in all women. That's feminine. Wearing loop earrings and blush is just an aesthetic choice.
I feel that's important, because in our pretend progressive society, a lot of evil forces seem to want to reduce what it means to be a woman to wearing frilly skirts. Similarly, in our 21st century world, we've convinced children that certain likes are feminine and others masculine. Now more than ever, we need to be reminded that being a woman doesn't mean the surface-level shit, but rather refers to this amazing inner life force shining from within.
I have a very weird relationship with the concept of femininity. I'm very girly, in many ways. I love all the "girly" stuff like make-up, dresses, jewelry, and so on. Hell's sake, I've just painted my bedroom various shades of pink (to be fair, they looked brownish on the box). At the same time, I don't have those traditionally feminine traits. I'm not dainty, or poised, or graceful.
For a long time, I tried, but I just can't. I'm boyish in many ways. I also like gory stuff, coarse humor, and physical work. I remember having breakfast with a female friend some years ago. And she was making this great big ruckus about how her father hadn't been round to open the new jam jar. I was like, are you fucking serious, gimme that.
I may write easily about it, but for a long time, this certain masculinity bugged me. Obviously, like most teenagers, I wanted to be more traditionally feminine. In more recent years, though, I'm realizing there's no such thing. And that Betty Boop, while cute and fun, is only a cartoon.
Learning more about body types also helped me with that. A friend introduced me to the Kibbe body types, and exhausted after work one day, I checked it out. That's another of those things I wish I'd like. I like a nice outfit as much as the next person, but I have little patience for accessorizing, designing outfits, all that stuff.
Anyway, this Kibbe thing, it practically divides female body types into multiple categories based on yin and yang proportions. Yin and yang being the feminine and masculine, of course. As my friend correctly predicted, I fall at the yang extremity of that spectrum, which means angular bone structure, sharp lines, and no hourglass figure. And I don't know why, but seeing that there's this whole category devoted to women with more masculine energy and traits and features, it was enormously relieving to me. So was seeing so many examples of famous women with a yang configuration, who I considered beautiful.
As ever, it got me moving past my own personal realization, and more towards what that says about a society. See, I think at some point a few decades ago, we went very wrong. Although we were moving towards accepting these diverse manifestations of both the feminine and the masculine (because obviously, as there are masculine women, there are feminine men), we veered at some point towards this dystopian imbalance in the world.
I recently listened to a podcast episode by Jordan Peterson with detransitioner Chloe Cole, and it made me cry. First, for the butchery done to that poor girl, but also because I saw myself so much in her teenage experiences. Here was this girl who, going through puberty early, was the awkward, lanky sort of physical outcast kid in her class. Who was friends with the boys, and had a strong yang energy, and who became tremendously disillusioned with femininity when she didn't turn out to have a full, Kim Kardashian sort of figure.
I was struck by the fact that, if I'd grown up in a different milieu, I might've easily been convinced I was a boy, and mutilated in the name of this ersatz progressive dogma. Even more so, I was stunned realizing how toxic our culture has become. As if liking more physical games, or not having an ample bosom, or favoring boyish clothes mean you're a boy. That strikes me as incredibly narrow-minded, and dangerous. Because it creates polarization, and isn't there enough of that in our world, already?
I'm gonna teach my girls that having goofy, angular faces, and flat chests, and scabby knees, and climbing a tree doesn't make them any less of a girl. That there is something sacred and beautiful shining inside them. Shining alongside these traits, not in spite of them, as if they were some fucking disease that needs correcting.
well reading this post kinda arose condratictory points in my head, few questions arise now. One of them is:will strengthening the yin energy make us happier and more easy to make choices in love life? or simply we have to let our yin and yang components be as they are. In fact what you wrote i experienced in my own skin, in a sense that i like makeup, girly dresses, to be fashionable and beautiful, but feel bored to be like a doll in real life, but at the same time i wish i would be that happy feminine doll....
also i realized that we most women are similar to one another, none of us are Betty 👌
and btw meditation does help us improving our vibes. do you also do aura cleansing?
Honestly, I think it's more about going by feel. Figuring out how much yin energy is in you naturally, and embracing that. I don't know if you can grow it, to be honest. But I think, basically, it's saying to yourself 'okay so maybe I'm not X ideal of femininity, but that doesn't make me any less of a beautiful woman and soul'.
I am not aware what aura cleansing entails? What is that? :)
well you are right, nothing should be made forcefully. Aura cleaning is meditation to ward off negative vibes of ur field.
There's so much beauty in this. It's lovely and inspiring and it just makes me want to jump because I'd been finding the words to talk about this but I couldn't. There's complete truth to your words and we don't have to be feminine which is just what society sees femininity as, we just have to feel feminine and that's what really matters.
I !LUV everything about this and I'm glad you could be that bold to say it.🤗
P.S: Those aerial yoga moves look absolutely amazing. I'd love to try it someday.🌺
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Hey! Thank you so much for the luv and this lovely comment. I'm glad you resonated with this, and I'm glad to see there are others out there who see the same.
They're extremely relaxing! And it seems to be a growing movement, so hope it spreads around the world! Have a great weekend!
Yeah. I guess if you can't talk about something, you should praise those who can.
I will definitely try it once I can. Have an awesome Weekend yourself.🤗
It's the fact that society always thinks that girls are supposed to act a certain kind of was but they aren't necessarily right. There was a time I tried to be more feminine and trust me, that time was very exhausting. Trying to wear gowns and skirts everytime, makeup, accessories, definitely not me.
I like the perspective you took while writing this article and it's really pertinent to tell the younger generation that they shouldn't be caught up in the web of trying to be feminine.
Same here! Ironically, we always end up feeling worse, which obviously impacts how we are seen and perceived, when we try to "look the part". For me, heavy make-up always had that effect, making me feel kinda phony. So I ditched it, and feel a lot better.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed!
What matters in the end is the fact that were happy with ourselves.
Have an amazing day dear honeydue.
Accessories like earrings, make-up and other things that made a women beautiful is just a extra definition of the word feminine, I was dumfounded by the difference between be more feminine rather than feel more feminine cause for me be more feminine was dictated by those people who wants you to be the person they want to be but feel more feminine sounds like you have freedom to do what you want to do, it always depends on you what you want to be a feminine or cross on different path that you feel comfortable.
Exactly! I think people around you will perceive a strong, free, happy woman only once you shed such expectations, and focus on who you want to be. Thanks for stopping by!
I’m so inspired by this. I have no idea how or why we seem to have stepped backward in time when it comes to progressive ideas around the abilities and choices of women. But it is disturbing on so many levels. This post is the kind of content that gives me hope that it’s not as pervasive as it seems on some days.
Thank you so much for this lovely comment! It seems to me we've ricocheted from one extreme to another. So I'm hoping in time, we manage to move back towards a more centered view (where everyone can be true and happy without being manipulated or shunned).