Thank you for your awesome comment! I agree entirely, a lot of people are out to push their own agenda and only like to spend their time and invest their resources on people who think or can be swayed to think like them. It's what brought us to this mess. I know I've been guilty of that myself before.
That last part resonated strongly with me, I've been having a bit of a hard time allowing myself to receive rewards for my effort, to feel that I deserve my gains. That voice in my mind telling me that I can't have nice things is so subtle and buried so deep that only now I'm perceiving it for what it is, fear of notoriety, of giving too much power to my ego and losing myself in vanity, devolving to that Javier who imposed his views on others.
Funny, it's precisely that fear which would secure such an outcome, I think. Once again, thank you and bless you!
I find it hard to imagine that you were ever like that and have a lot of respect for you that you were able to recognise it in yourself and change. That said, I believe it is not uncommon to think that way in youth, wisdom only comes with experience and some may never gain broad enough experiences in life to even see a need to change from a narrow viewpoint of the world.