It was New Year's Day 2019 and I'd flown from Sydney to Brisbane only a few days earlier to housesit for a friend. My job was to look after their very big, lovely dog and I was excited to visit some parkrun locations I'd never been to.
It was very hot the day we met. I was running barefoot around the only parkrun in the world starting with the letter "Z" and I overtook Brad in the final kilometre of the 5km run.
He doesn't like being overtaken 😂
But he was also curious and interested in this (good looking 😉) running chick. He called out, saying a silly fun joke as a way to start a conversation. With a big smile on his face, I knew he was looking to chat.
That tiny spark turned into several conversations both online and offline over the coming week. He found ways to meet up by inviting himself along to the beach with me, and then deciding he was coming to the same next parkrun as me, and even sneaking in a last afternoon of running around Brisbane CBD with me before I flew back to Sydney.
It took me a few days into this process to work out that he liked me as more than a friend, and it took me until the night I was flying out to work out that I felt the same way.
By the time I landed in Sydney, I was texting him to tell him I really liked him too. That very next weekend he had flown the 900km to visit me. By the Sunday morning he'd asked me to be his girlfriend and somewhere in the hours or days following (though I don't remember the details) I said 'yes'.
Over the next few months we caught up in person as much as time and finances allowed. He flew to me and joined me for a pre-planned trip to Adelaide. I flew to him a lot (because he worked a lot more hours than me and was training for a Triathlon, while I had a lot of flexibility in my work).
He called me every single day and we'd talk for hours.
Within about 2 or 3 weeks he was asking me when I was going to move to Brisbane. Moving in with him made the most sense as I was happy to leave Sydney (I have no dependents; he had some adult dependent-ish people) and he had a whole house with plenty of space for me to move in. My work was portable, his really wasn't. It was a no-brainer.
But I wasn't ready to move straight away; I had things to wrap up before I moved my life interstate.
3 months after we met he drove the 900km from his house down to where I was staying and packed me and all my stuff up and drove me to my new home.
That was almost 4 years ago and every day I'm happy about that decision and grateful to be here. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Even when we argue and I want to strangle him.
Even when he totally misunderstands me and I feel alone.
Even when he doesn't listen to me and I feel sad.
All of it is part of being in a relationship with another human being and navigating my own humanness as well as his.
In Ladies of Hive this week one of the prompts contained these two questions:
Does love come on suddenly or grow over time?
and
What are your keys to ensuring your relationship remains strong and healthy?
My story about how Brad and I came together serves as a basis for me to answer these questions.
Does love come on suddenly or grow over time?
I've had enough lovers in my life to know that every relationship is different. What I can tell you about Brad and I is that there was this quiet knowing very early on that this was a special relationship that was easy and nourishing and alive with its own beauty. In that respect, it came on suddenly.
If you'd told me on New Year's Eve, the day before I met Brad that less than 100 days later I'd be moving interstate to live with a man I loved, I wouldn't have believed you. It seemed so fast, and yet because we were both clear about what we wanted at this point in our lives it was a natural and easy progression.
My love for Brad has also grown over time. While I know his follies and faults so much better now after living here for years I also know his strengths, talents and superpowers. The better I get to know him and the more experiences we go through together the more I love him.
What has allowed my love for him to grow over time is not just having time together it's being willing and able to work through challenges together and apart.
So my answer to the question "What are your keys to ensuring your relationship remains strong and healthy?" I feel the following are useful pieces of advice for anyone in a romantic relationship in many parts of the world:
Prioritise communicating as clearly as possible (what you need and what you want, in the big things as well as in the little things)
Own your part in arguments and seek to understand the other person's perspective (even if you don't agree with it)
Find things to do together that you both genuinely enjoy doing
Avoid compromising, look for win-wins instead
Say thank you a lot and find kind (genuine) things to say as often as possible
I'm sure there are more little things I do on a regular basis to play my part in keeping our relationship strong and healthy, and no doubt there are oodles of things Brad does too that are invisible to me in this moment. But these five spring to mind and as long you're in a relationship with someone you actually love and actually want to be partnered with then I think some version of these that are culturally appropriate to the society you live in could be helpful to make any relationship stronger and more joyful.
What do you think? If you haven't already answered this LOH prompt, whether you're a woman or not, I'd love to know what you feel are the keys that have helped your romantic relationship remain strong?
Tell me in the comments! I'd love to know.
And if you have written a Ladies of Hive post on this post this week and you're really proud of what you've written then please feel free to drop a link to your post in a comment below.
Finally, if you're a lady and want to write a post on this topic (or about another one the topic of love) then check out this post for all the details of how to participate. You'll need to be quick if you're going to get in before the end of the day, Saturday 18th Feb deadline!
All photos used in this post were taken by either Brad or me. We own the rights to them and they may not be used by anyone else. Thank you for respecting the preciousness of our story.
You both look so beautiful. Completely adorable together. I like that you're able to communicate and understand each other perfectly. It's really a beautiful gift.🥰🌺
And yeah, I felt really proud of my take on love so the link is here.
!LUV
Thank you @jhymi, for your kind words. 😍
I'll go check out this post of yours. Glad you are proud of it. 🙏
Who is this man with faults ?🤣
!LOL
!LUV
!ALIVE
@consciouscat, @new.things(2/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
@consciouscat! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @new.things. (3/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
lolztoken.com
Because Donald ducked!
Credit: reddit
@consciouscat, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @new.things
Farm LOLZ tokens when you Delegate Hive or Hive Tokens.
Click to delegate: 10 - 20 - 50 - 100 HP
(1/10)
Hehehe. THAT'S what you notice in this post?! Not all the love I showered over you?!
!LOL
lolztoken.com
The trailers
Credit: reddit
@new.things, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
(1/8)
Yes I noticed all the good stuff too. !LUV u too babe!
@consciouscat, @new.things(8/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
❣️💞💓❤️💕
If you told me you were a prophet i won't doubt it for a seconds because you just summarized the issues I am currently facing in my own relationship , she makes me feel lonely in the relationship..
All of it is part of being in a relationship with another human being and navigating my own humanness as well as his.
Well you have a valid point ..
Well, I'm glad that you now know you are not alone in how you feel. I feel it too. And yes, humanness.
One thing I didn't talk about in this post is that I do a lot of inner work, like healing my emotional pains. So when my partner triggers some old pain (that existed in me LONG before I met him) I use tapping (a tool) to process how I'm feeling.
I highly recommend meeting the part of you that is hurting (feeling lonely, sad, angry, etc) and giving it as much loving compassion as possible. Because even if your partner doesn't know how to help you feel better YOU can help you feel better.
Hmm true.. in other words , I need to embrace self-love
Yep. Pretty much. 😂 I have found that there is an obvious and direct correlation between how much I love myself and how much love I can let in from other people.
wow, Beautiful pictures you both look good together. For some people it’s love at first sight and for others it grows over time. i think both matters and it depends on how yours comes. Understanding is also very important in every relationship. A link to my post. Thanks for sharing
Agreed!
Now, to go read your post ;)
Am so glad you did, thank you so much. I would look forward to my stories from you. Enjoy your weekend my regards to your partner
💓🙏🤗
My eyes are filled with tears.🥹
This is love! I’m happy you found love and you are happier than ever.
Sometimes people don’t need big gifts to feel loved. The words we say to them and how we treat them says it all.
I urge everyone to be kind to people and not just their partner only.
I hope your love grows with every coming day. You deserve it and more!❤️
Oh, I hope these are happy tears. Bless. 🤗
I totally agree. Yes. Here's to a world with a heck of a lot more kindness. 🙏
Thank you, love. ❤️
!LUV !ALIVE
@nhaji01, @consciouscat(7/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
@nhaji01! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @consciouscat. (4/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
Very happy tears. Love is beautiful.
♥️🤗
Yay! !LADY !LUV !LOL ;)
View or trade
LOHtokens.@consciouscat, you successfully shared 0.1000 LOH with @ladiesofhive and you earned 0.1000 LOH as tips. (1/2 calls)
Use !LADY command to share LOH! More details available in this post.
@ladiesofhive, @consciouscat(3/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
lolztoken.com
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Credit: reddit
@ladiesofhive, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
(1/8)
Amazing 🤩
Thanks! 🙏
you are a beautiful couple, congratulations!🤗
Thanks, Pikkio! ❤️ !ALIVE
@p1k4ppa10! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @consciouscat. (2/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
aw, I loved this post, Caroline, truly!!! how touching... you guys were meant to be together hehe. Brad wasn't gonna lose you, that's for sure - and I think you both made a great choice to follow your hearts 💗💗 Love the pics - so cute!!! !LUV !ALIVE !LADY
@consciouscat, @samsmith1971(10/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
@consciouscat! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @samsmith1971. (3/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
Hehehe. Thanks darling one!
!LUV !LOL !ALIVE and HUGS!!!! 🤗🤗🤗
@samsmith1971, @consciouscat(6/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
lolztoken.com
Because they know how to multiply.
Credit: theabsolute
@samsmith1971, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
Delegate Hive Tokens to Farm $LOLZ and earn 110% Rewards. Learn more.
(2/8)
@samsmith1971! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @consciouscat. (3/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
First let me say that you two look soooo alike! It must be the love!❤️😁
And I am definitely in no position to talk about relationships! Still young. Had my fair share of puppy love, but I am still hoping to be swept off my feet. I do know that relationships take a lot of effort and love is no different. It is not bed and roses and could be gutting because it takes a lot of courage and heart to constantly forgive and chose someone even when they may not deserve it!
Like I tell people, if you decide to love make sure it is a choice. Because if all you're doing is feeling love, you'll have one thousand and one reasons why you stopped feeling it.
Ah, my darling, there is so much I want to teach you about love. So much.
I agree that relationships take a lot of effort.
Love, however, takes no effort. Love just is. I didn't choose to fall in love with Brad, I just did. He didn't choose to fall in love with me, he just did.
In a similar but different way, I didn't choose to fall in love with you or several of my other completely awesome friends on Hive, I just did. I watch how you and others express yourself and I feel the love in my heart and I did nothing to make it happen. It arose all on its own.
For the record, I really don't forgive Brad for anything. Maybe here we run into religious/faith/spiritual differences in how we perceive relationships. But I don't forgive him for doing things that hurt me.
I communicate with him when he does something to accidentally hurt me (he never does it deliberately). And I tell him what I need or want instead next time.
I understand that there are certain things that are innate in his personality that I can either choose to accept or spend the whole rest of my life fighting with him to change.
And I continue to prioritise (just as I did when I was healing from the pain men had caused me in the past - and there was a lot, Diana) learning to love myself more and more and more every day. Because then...
Brad is simply reflecting back to me all the ways I love myself.
!LUV !LOL !ALIVE
@deraaa, @consciouscat(8/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily
lolztoken.com
Because they can get down.
Credit: reddit
@deraaa, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
(4/8)
@deraaa! You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE to your account on behalf of @consciouscat. (5/10)
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
Oh! This was deep! And I haven't even had coffee yet🤣
I see it. I just hope to really understand it. It is really beautiful to read different perceptions of love and the many ideologies. It gives me the anchor because from people's experiences, I do tend to learn lessons. And this morning (in my nest hair), I have learned. Love takes no effort.
But how? I mean, how? It sounds really difficult in my brain and doesn't make any sense that you'd just love someone. I love my mother but she is my mother just like I love my family and those I have met here on hive who touch me with their experience and wise words.
But I still don't get how many say love defies time and whatnot (I am referring to the romantic kind). Maybe I am still way too young and my experiences are limited. I feel I have a lot to learn.
Hello my love, I am back.
Before I met Brad (at 37!!!) I'd had all sorts of romantic experiences I had called love. There were a few boyfriends that I really, really cared about. There was truckloads of men I was infatuated with. I have felt all sorts of emotions when it comes to romantic partners but none of them came close to what I experience with Brad.
Before I felt this I had no clue. I thought I knew but I had no clue.
I don't think it has too much to do with age, per se. I think anyone who is over about the age of 16 or 17 could probably start to feel the kind of love I have found with Brad. I think it has more to do with two things:
Emotional maturity (you've demonstrated more of that already to me through Hive than I've seen from some 50 and 60 year olds!), and
Beliefs (do we believe that what we want is A. possible for us, B. safe for us and C. that we deserve it)
This last thing I've said is sooooooooo important. Please re-read and even write down somewhere. We will not ALLOW ourselves to have anything that we don't subconsciously believe is possible for us, safe for us and/or that we don't believe we deserve. (Your book on the power of the subconscious that you've mentioned might have talked about some of this stuff).
How? How do you let this kind of love in?
By doing what I think you're already doing: being open and looking for examples of other people who have what you want. Seeing that it exists in the world. Seeing that it's possible. Learning what a loving, healthy relationship looks like, sounds like, even how it appears to make these people feel.
My parents were married for a long time but I don't think they were really that happy together for most of their marriage. I didn't have a good example of what a genuine, happy, loving romantic relationship looked like. And when I finally realised how destructive my subconscious patterns in romance were I realised I needed to actively search for new role models.
So I did. I felt the same feeling you had when you talk about romantic oppression. It felt uncomfortable seeing people so f*cking happy and lovely together. 😂 But I stayed with my curious exploration because I knew that I wanted that too.
I stayed with it long enough to strip back everything within me that said it wasn't possible for me, it wasn't safe and I didn't deserve it. And when my mind and body were finally on board, Brad magically showed up out of nowhere.
Stay open my love. What you want wants you.
Wow! It's 2:03am and my world just tilted of its axis🙂. I never got a father to begin with, it was always I and mom so I never had that role model. And as if the universe is against me, Marriages or relationship around me never lasts. Something always goes wrong leaving me to believe that love might not exist after all.
Took me a while to grow out of that mindset and now, I'm growing into a new one. Love exists and I deserve it! Hehehe. I need coffee now. Or I might cry. PMSing...😂
Be gentle with you, hey?
No father, just you and your Mom. It makes total sense why this has been hard.
Crying is good 🙏
So is coffee 😂
Love exists. Ask God to show you more examples. I promise, it's right there, hiding in plain sight.
Love you x
@iskawrites @jhymi ... I will not suffer alone.🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
One of these days, you will be caught and flogged. Keep running.😂😂
I totally don't understand. 😂😂
It's cause of her running emoji, and I really wonder where she's running to.😂😂
!LOL
lolztoken.com
They eventually fired him.
Credit: reddit
@jhymi, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
Delegate Hive Tokens to Farm $LOLZ and earn 110% Rewards. Learn more.
(5/8)
Who will catch me? I have already been served breakfast thrice. Thrice!🤣
Hahaha. !LOL
!LOL
lolztoken.com
She had a mean spirit
Credit: reddit
@deraaa, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of @consciouscat
Use the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ
(3/8)
Congratulations @consciouscat! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 6500 replies.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Such a sweet story :)
Great decision dear :) Moving in together has given both a chance to deepen bond and better understand each other on a daily basic. It has been an incredible journey for both of you, and you do look so happy together :)
It's great to learn how you both have been able to nurture your relationship through and working towards resolutions as well as developing a strong bond of trust. Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful & inspiring story :)
Thanks, @trangbaby 🙏 This was a great prompt! !LUV
@trangbaby, @consciouscat(1/10) sent you LUV. | tools | discord | community | HiveWiki |
NFT | <>< daily