First let me say that you two look soooo alike! It must be the love!❤️😁
And I am definitely in no position to talk about relationships! Still young. Had my fair share of puppy love, but I am still hoping to be swept off my feet. I do know that relationships take a lot of effort and love is no different. It is not bed and roses and could be gutting because it takes a lot of courage and heart to constantly forgive and chose someone even when they may not deserve it!
Like I tell people, if you decide to love make sure it is a choice. Because if all you're doing is feeling love, you'll have one thousand and one reasons why you stopped feeling it.
Ah, my darling, there is so much I want to teach you about love. So much.
I agree that relationships take a lot of effort.
Love, however, takes no effort. Love just is. I didn't choose to fall in love with Brad, I just did. He didn't choose to fall in love with me, he just did.
In a similar but different way, I didn't choose to fall in love with you or several of my other completely awesome friends on Hive, I just did. I watch how you and others express yourself and I feel the love in my heart and I did nothing to make it happen. It arose all on its own.
For the record, I really don't forgive Brad for anything. Maybe here we run into religious/faith/spiritual differences in how we perceive relationships. But I don't forgive him for doing things that hurt me.
I communicate with him when he does something to accidentally hurt me (he never does it deliberately). And I tell him what I need or want instead next time.
I understand that there are certain things that are innate in his personality that I can either choose to accept or spend the whole rest of my life fighting with him to change.
And I continue to prioritise (just as I did when I was healing from the pain men had caused me in the past - and there was a lot, Diana) learning to love myself more and more and more every day. Because then...
Brad is simply reflecting back to me all the ways I love myself.
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Oh! This was deep! And I haven't even had coffee yet🤣
I see it. I just hope to really understand it. It is really beautiful to read different perceptions of love and the many ideologies. It gives me the anchor because from people's experiences, I do tend to learn lessons. And this morning (in my nest hair), I have learned. Love takes no effort.
But how? I mean, how? It sounds really difficult in my brain and doesn't make any sense that you'd just love someone. I love my mother but she is my mother just like I love my family and those I have met here on hive who touch me with their experience and wise words.
But I still don't get how many say love defies time and whatnot (I am referring to the romantic kind). Maybe I am still way too young and my experiences are limited. I feel I have a lot to learn.
Hello my love, I am back.
Before I met Brad (at 37!!!) I'd had all sorts of romantic experiences I had called love. There were a few boyfriends that I really, really cared about. There was truckloads of men I was infatuated with. I have felt all sorts of emotions when it comes to romantic partners but none of them came close to what I experience with Brad.
Before I felt this I had no clue. I thought I knew but I had no clue.
I don't think it has too much to do with age, per se. I think anyone who is over about the age of 16 or 17 could probably start to feel the kind of love I have found with Brad. I think it has more to do with two things:
Emotional maturity (you've demonstrated more of that already to me through Hive than I've seen from some 50 and 60 year olds!), and
Beliefs (do we believe that what we want is A. possible for us, B. safe for us and C. that we deserve it)
This last thing I've said is sooooooooo important. Please re-read and even write down somewhere. We will not ALLOW ourselves to have anything that we don't subconsciously believe is possible for us, safe for us and/or that we don't believe we deserve. (Your book on the power of the subconscious that you've mentioned might have talked about some of this stuff).
How? How do you let this kind of love in?
By doing what I think you're already doing: being open and looking for examples of other people who have what you want. Seeing that it exists in the world. Seeing that it's possible. Learning what a loving, healthy relationship looks like, sounds like, even how it appears to make these people feel.
My parents were married for a long time but I don't think they were really that happy together for most of their marriage. I didn't have a good example of what a genuine, happy, loving romantic relationship looked like. And when I finally realised how destructive my subconscious patterns in romance were I realised I needed to actively search for new role models.
So I did. I felt the same feeling you had when you talk about romantic oppression. It felt uncomfortable seeing people so f*cking happy and lovely together. 😂 But I stayed with my curious exploration because I knew that I wanted that too.
I stayed with it long enough to strip back everything within me that said it wasn't possible for me, it wasn't safe and I didn't deserve it. And when my mind and body were finally on board, Brad magically showed up out of nowhere.
Stay open my love. What you want wants you.
Wow! It's 2:03am and my world just tilted of its axis🙂. I never got a father to begin with, it was always I and mom so I never had that role model. And as if the universe is against me, Marriages or relationship around me never lasts. Something always goes wrong leaving me to believe that love might not exist after all.
Took me a while to grow out of that mindset and now, I'm growing into a new one. Love exists and I deserve it! Hehehe. I need coffee now. Or I might cry. PMSing...😂
Be gentle with you, hey?
No father, just you and your Mom. It makes total sense why this has been hard.
Crying is good 🙏
So is coffee 😂
Love exists. Ask God to show you more examples. I promise, it's right there, hiding in plain sight.
Love you x