In general I think men tend to be lonely. Women tend to have a much more supportive network, but men don't. Even when they don't, they usually are better at talking to anyone, as you say of yourself, but men usually can't do that as well.
men aren't so good at connecting
Unfortunately true. I can imagine how tough it was for your husband to move across the globe. I experienced the same thing. Connections with old friends prove much more fragile than we think and even with the internet connecting us, they fade quickly.
Social media makes us wary.
I think also we are fooled into thinking it's not necessary. My grandparents were just as overworked as we are, but they still managed to make social visits often to friends. Most others of their generation went a step further and attended a weekly (or more) meeting at the Lion's club or one of those social groups. There was more social pressure for them to do so, but it was also recognizing that if they didn't do it, they would get no social contact. We fool ourselves by thinking we'll just hop in a chat room and get the same effect.
I don't know. It's a tough problem. Even 20 years here I still have very few friends. Luckily I'm a bit introverted anyway so being alone is usually fine for me, and I have my family when it's not. But yeah, I know the feeling your husband has well.
Good thoughts in this post.
I'm really glad you responded. It helps me understand Jamie a bit more as sometimes I can get a bit impatient as I DON"T need friends. But this makes me remember when I lived in the UK for 5 years and I often felt isolated and homesick - a sense of longing for something that I couldn't find. Coming home, I'm lucky - for example, today I went surfing with Dad and saw a few crew out in the water I knew, had a chat, fed my need for connection. Jamie'll be at work, bored to tears with the other teachers he's been working with for 20 years.
Thing is I try to make him go to do group things eg, join the run club, join the men's shed, start a repair shop, etc, but he doesn't want to or thinks he won't meet people. That kind of fatalism makes me throw my hands in the air. But as you say, our grandparents did exactly that kind of thing out of necessity. It IS a tough problem, I get it. I feel really bad sometimes that it was me that brought him to Australia and I'm the reason he stays. I know if I died he'd be on the next plane outa here. I wonder if he'd immediately find friends there either - it does seem to be a global problem. I dont know.