I'm not a lady π but I'll reply anyway π I found your post in The terminal!
I think all of us have periods like this and we don't realise how much time we spend in this places, I have been through many ups and downs during this period, the Covid and all that came with it definitely has a big influence on ourselves and the mind starts to tell us things that we should not listen to, the problem is that not only we do listen to them, we actually believe them and we then become our own enemies...
I do hope you'll be able to get out of this dark moment and get better! My best wishes for you!
I'll drop you an advice that seems to work with me when I have bad days, get yourself busy doing something that you like, if you cannot find something that you like then you know what to do π
Keep looking, you'll eventually find what you are looking for, but start visualising what you want and slowly work towards it!
Good luck with everything!