One of my biggest fears is dying suddenly. I do believe that many here also feel fear, especially since we don't know what awaits us in the afterlife.
When I was young, I used to be a rebellious daughter to my parents. They gave me so much headache, and I almost gave up on my life several times. I tried to plan suicide, and up to this day, I can't forget the decisions I made when I was young. If I'm going to die tomorrow, I wanted to talk with my mom today.
Just to be clear, my mom and I were never good to each other. I do think that she cursed me a long time ago. We are living under the same roof, but we are not totally okay. We always talk with each other, but I still feel the resentment she had towards me from years ago. As I said, I used to be a rebellious child. I ran away. I was too stubborn when I was a child, and someone got me pregnant at a young age. I regret so much what I did, and if we could just turn back the time, I wish that my understanding as a teen would have been broad. Maybe if I had just followed my parents' wishes, I would have come a long way like my other friends who are now professionals.
What my mom and I are lacking right now is communication. We even never had a picture together since I was a girl. For me, I feel like we haven't been connected to each other for a long time. I have never reconciled with my mother, and if I ever draw my breath tomorrow, I want to talk with her heart-to-heart. I wanted to say how sorry I am, and I truly love her with all my heart. I know my mom is not a perfect mother; she used to nag at me and also physically abuse me when I was young. But now that I am also a mother, I understand it all. And I wanted to tell her that she was right about everything. Before I die, I want to hear her side, and I want to know if she truly loves me or if she regrets having me.
Spanish Translation
Uno de mis mayores temores es morir repentinamente. Creo que muchos aquí también sienten miedo, sobre todo porque no sabemos lo que nos espera en el más allá.
Cuando era joven, solía ser una hija rebelde para mis padres. Me dieron tanto dolor de cabeza que casi abandoné mi vida varias veces. Intenté planear el suicidio y, hasta el día de hoy, no puedo olvidar las decisiones que tomé cuando era joven. Si voy a morir mañana, quería hablar con mi mamá hoy.
Para que quede claro, mi mamá y yo nunca fuimos buenos el uno con el otro. Creo que ella me maldijo hace mucho tiempo. Vivimos bajo el mismo techo, pero no estamos del todo bien. Siempre hablamos entre nosotros, pero todavía siento el resentimiento que ella tenía hacia mí desde hace años. Como dije, solía ser un niño rebelde. Me escapé. Yo era demasiado terca cuando era niña y alguien me dejó embarazada cuando era pequeña. Lamento mucho lo que hice, y si pudiéramos retroceder en el tiempo, desearía que mi comprensión cuando era adolescente hubiera sido amplia. Quizás si hubiera seguido los deseos de mis padres, habría recorrido un largo camino como mis otros amigos que ahora son profesionales.
Lo que nos falta a mi mamá y a mí en este momento es comunicación. Incluso nunca nos hicimos una foto juntos desde que era niña. Para mí, siento que hace mucho tiempo que no estamos conectados. Nunca me he reconciliado con mi madre, y si alguna vez mañana respiro, quiero hablar con ella de corazón a corazón. Quería decirle cuánto lo siento y realmente la amo con todo mi corazón. Sé que mi mamá no es una madre perfecta; Ella solía regañarme y también abusar físicamente de mí cuando era joven. Pero ahora que también soy madre lo entiendo todo. Y quería decirle que tenía razón en todo. Antes de morir, quiero escuchar su versión y quiero saber si ella realmente me ama o si se arrepiente de tenerme.
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You are not alone on this subject, @usagidee. Many of us did things during our young days that we are not proud of. All part of the youthful exuberance thing, I think. Hehe.
I do hope you make things right with your mother. Family relationships can be difficult sometimes because of our ego and emotions. Good luck and thanks for sharing your story. 😊 !LADY
Exactly.. the ego.. also the hatred of my mom. Hopefully I can make peace with her very soon. Now that she is getting older. 😌
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Sis I know how hard to have a feeling like that kaya siguro kahit di ka pa mamamatay bukas find time to talk to your mother. Iba Ang feeling when you have a good relationship to the people around you especially to your family and more with your mother.
Do it habang di pa huli Ang lahat.
I am trying my dear sis. Kaso ung nanay ko ang taas ng pride niya talaga. 😭😭
Ah ganoon ba. I-pray mo na lang muna sya.
I always pray for her kasi I witness all her sacrifices. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
As I read your heartfelt post, the expression "there's no time like the present" came to mind. Life is too short to have any regrets. If either you or your mother died suddenly the other will wish she had made peace. I believe your mom wishes she handled things differently where you were concerned. Please reach out to her and meet to talk things through. Good luck. Hugs! @usagidee♥️
!LADY
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! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoThank you for stopping by @ninahaskin ❤️ actually I really tried to talk with her. But it feels like she dont like drama. And there are times that she wont make any acceptance but only arguments.
That's great to hear you have already tried but discouraging your mom wants to argue instead of take turns and listen. Is there someone else in your family you and you mother are close to who could be there at the same time to serve as a mediator / peacekeeper?
Actually I have a sister who is a psych professional. She told me that our mom may have some sort of personality disorder that is why I am having a hard time to make peace with her. I tried but I think there's a part of her that feels guilt as well and at the same time, her anger towards me is at a maximum state that she cannot forgive me anymore.
I hope your sister's training and wisdom offer you some comfort. As you said, you tried...
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Touching 😌. Since no one is certain of what will happen next, I think the heart to heart conversation should be done sooner than later.
I hope so ❤️
This is touching.
There are lots of decision our young minds made when we were little.
Truth is nobody knows tomorrow, and I think the heart to heart talk should be done now than wait.
Create and work towards that relationship you want with your mom, enjoy it now than wait for tomorrow.
Best wishes dear.
Actually I tried. But her pride is really high. She keeps on telling me bad things I did when I was young. She keeps on saying that.
That's really bad.
She doesn't miss you?
I suggest you give her time, but always pray for her.
Hopefully you get to enjoy her good side before any other thing happens.
I hope so. Thank you very much ❤️
You are welcome dear
This is just, aigoooo, she's still here right now. Do you think you can say what you said here personally ro your Mom rn? If its me parang diko kaya, lalo if I see na parang wala naman talaga balak to reconcile woth me. Aigoooo.
Syempre hindi dzaiii kasi ung nanay ko ayaw niya nagdadrama ako. 🤣🤣
Hahaha grabidad naman talaga, pero Im sure kapag nag edad edad sya ng mga 60+, dyan, dyan sya magdradrama. Si Mommy kasi dyan nagsimula na maging emotional ba, di na daw nya mapigilan kasi, lol. Tigas na tigas nyan before, kaya dami kong hatred sa kanya.
Halaaaa seryoso ba?? Malapit na din si mama mag 60 feeling ko minsan ayaw na din niya mag isa. Nag mamaktol na lalo pag di nauwi i a niyang anak eh ung iba working on site tlga.
Yan dyan na maga start yarn. Pero not sure din baka depende sa tao. Pero let see.
hmmm, hope mama will make peace kasi ginagawa ko naman lahat para magign proud na sila.
That will surely happen soon, tiwala laang
( ◜‿◝ )♡
For sure she loves you very much lady usagidee. You can ask her a date just the two of you and have a talk.
Haha. Actually I tried this once. We looked just fine. We talked about random things. But later he will again nagged at me. 😭😂
Mother is always a mother, always nagging us lol. But I am sure that she loves you so much.
But why I can't feel it ? 😭😭
You know what, when my father died, I realized a lot of things. We don't know when is our time, so better say or do what we want to say and do toward someone. Otherwise, you'll regret everything later.
Actually ate I tried to tell her ung mga kinikimkim ko kaso ayaw nya ko tlga pakinggan eh. Ang drama daw. 😪😪
I hope you can find the balance and that that moment for this conversation to take place would happen. I also hope that you both would heal. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you so much! 💖💖💖
!LADY
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Thank you for your article and your entry!
!LADY😍
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