I'm not so sure I am. I also made a right mess of things before I knew when and how to fight. But I was angry and I was outraged. I was deeply in love and I was trying to protect my son. And I am educated and I am resilient. And I am resourceful.
To live in love, and to honor what you feel is best at the time is not the opposite of strong. Between you and me, I think to be able to look back on past mistakes and admit how horribly you've fucked up, to own that blame and guilt (here, many choose perpetual victimhood), and strive to come out anew on the other side... that, my friend, is the definition of strong.
Strong people aren't considered so 'cause they never "made a mess of things". If they were, there'd be none of them left. You are strong, not to mention a very gifted writer. Such beautiful expression in this post. The tender topic hits the heart regardless, but it also takes a gifted narrator and a sensible writer to truly bring it home as you have.
There are many words to be said, but I'm still processing, I guess. I just wanted to say I think it takes guts to put all this out here so openly.
Reading this kind of post always brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm wondering how I've only come across you recently (and missed so much). On the other, it's such a delight. Makes me grateful for this place, and for finding such wonderful souls across it. So hi, also, though I know we've spoken before :)
I read this comment and it is so eloquent and lovely that I wanted to read it again and respond when I can give it my full attention :)
Thank you for taking the time to write this.
I've been juggling work, writing and my son's birthday today so comms have been slow.
But I'm coming back to this in the morning to give it the time and thought it deserves
Beautiful soul. I'll be back!
💕
Happy birthday to your son! I hope you and he both had a wonderful day <3
Well, of course. The way in which you wrote about such a delicate, difficult subject is so smart and touching, I couldn't not. I reckon it's particularly difficult, even for eloquent writers, to write on matters so close to home, and maintain a ray of beauty. Which makes pieces like this all the more rare, and worth appreciating.
<3
Ah... thank you again :)
Honestly. It's a tough share in patches and I've found hindsight to be a better time to share stuff.
When I've processed it and can do it with less triggers and more "truth".
I've also found that going over some of the history triggers me so badly that it bottoms my health out.
I'm not well physically and if my nervous system is set off the adrenalin and cortisol pumping until the flashback passes exhausts me now.
Stress also directly impacts the lungs and I have COPD.
So I have to be careful about what and when I share now for a variety of reasons.
I need health to come first. So slow and steady or even not at all now. 👣👍🏻
Obviously, we all work a little different, but personally, I've found there's only so much value that can be reaped from revisiting certain moments in the past. And that some moments revisited work better than others.
As such, I think it's important to recognize the trips down memory lane that help you process and heal, and the ones that are just opening up old scabs (and hopefully manage to leave those alone).
I thought I had responded to this. Apologies!
Now using Engage. I've been on my phone to comment when the electricity goes down and things get missed :/
I'm torn. I used to think this but now I know, for me that is, that I need to "sit" with things until they no longer rattle me. This is just the approach I eventually ended up using. It sucks though. Much rather forget it all and move on. But then it does return unexpectedly anyway at inopportune times...
I do think How we remember is important though. 👍
True. I don't think you can really forget it as long as you haven't made your peace with it. At most, I reckon you could lie to yourself. Or perhaps go through periods when it suddenly means very little to you and you think, oh great. guess I'm over that. But as long as you still have unresolved issues in that memory/time of your life, it's gonna resurface. Sadly.
Is Engage better? Everyone seems to be using something different here. I feel old, I'm still in the mode where there's one original blog platform, and that's it. xD
What you said ☝️
I find Engage easier, personally. But you'd have to try and to know ;)
!LUV
!PIMP
Hi again.
Thank you for your thoughts.
I have to agree and it's why I have such respect for people who are actively working recovery and personal growth.
It's why I say here that they are all warriors.
To get fucking honest and be personally accountable takes enormous courage! Especially in a society that views mistakes as "weak" or "bad" and that encourages dishonesty, personal gain and pretty narcissistic behaviour as being "successful".
So I must agree with you. But I'd say we are all like this when we get to the point where the fear of staying the same outweighs the fear of change. :D
Yes. So true. You know, it took me beginning my own journey toward mental un-fuckery to understand the weight of such words, and the weight that people actively striving towards better carry within themselves <3
Now, I've learned to alter my own perspective, and have little patience for people who judge you more by past mistakes than by current efforts to change. I think change is always possible.
Must agree.
For me. It's personal accountability. I trust people who own their mistakes and make an effort to learn from them and not repeat them.
The rest I don't judge because I've been there, but sadly they can't be trusted because they aren't really "awake" and may make more and worse mistakes.
:/
Or worse. They may know and lie about it. 😬 Then they can really be dangerous. 👍🏻