Yo this is some deep shit, man. Real talk.
It’s really difficult to set and stand on your grounds on boundaries around here, especially with family, people you’ve been friends with for a very long time or people you grew up being friends with. That level of closeness makes people feel like your love for them should be without boundaries and that you’ll tolerate or overlook anything for them. And if you’re plagued with the unfortunate habit of people pleasing, you really will succumb to it. I think this is why people in their late teens and early 20s are the victimized when it comes to these boundary setting conflicts - because they want to fit in and be accepted. You care less about that the older you get, so you’re able to be more unapologetic about your boundaries.
What I’ve learnt about boundary setting mostly is that once you set boundaries, you shouldn’t cross them yourself or that defeats the whole purpose of that being a boundary. I’ve seen a couple of times people defining a boundary and being the ones to push it down themselves again. Or in some cases, people who set boundaries have double standards. I’ve seen people say they don’t want to be talked to in a certain way, and turn around to dish that tall out to you and that makes no sense to me.
But I didn't feel brilliant. I had an inkling that under some conditions I was capable of writing great songs, but to write songs as well as them felt...well...impossible. "Maybe some day, after I'm way way way better than I am right now"
I’ve been feeling imposter syndrome a lot lately myself with some of the things I want to accomplish. I know I’m capable of anything I put my mind to, but sometimes I just feel like I’m not as good as I think I am.
My dreams felt big. Too big.
What advise would you give your younger self about this?
Forgive me for butting in ;<)
Keep dreaming big but don't just dream... Start 'doing' / creating (more) and forgive yourself for the crap that comes out at first. All so-called ''greats" started small. Also you don't need to become legendary, the main thing is to do things you enjoy and to do them a lot ;<)
Doing is the problem. Sometimes you wait too long for the perfect opportunity to “do” because you don’t want to mess up your first opportunity and not get another one. But I feel you. Thanks for the words, ninja:)
funny, after reel reading my post I realized I should address that. Then you asked. I’ll add this in after:
You are totally right about the hypocrites. I grew up with a lot of them and I have seen and heard many of them before I started filtering my attention better.
While there are some benefits to staying connected, I think that’s the big negative point to staying closest with older friends as opposed to newer ones, they become too accustomed to you being a certain way and don’t really give you as much room to change. They may try everything they can to keep you the same because they don’t wanna lose you or have to change themselves.
This is one big reason I left my home country and why I constantly make new friends, although now I’m trying to really cherish and make more of an effort with the friends who encourage me to grow and change.
I’ve seen many people talk about this in so many different ways. It’s sad how it is true. Your very old and closest friends are the ones that least want you to change even if it’s for the better.
Okay this makes a lot of sense. I’m going to try to apply this moving forward. Thanks, man.