Seeing past decisions afterwards is always easy.
I think that every parent is doing his/her best to do the best for the kids but sometimes they simply act with low awareness (of that moment). But condemning it afterwards is useless and not fair, since
every problem is easy once solved (or overcome)
Get the best from your parents, like they have done with theirs and do your best with Smallsteps! As she will do her best when her time will eventually come to parent kids and so on, keeping the evolving line alive
I think about the parents that have a style like their own parents, which might have been abusive. A generational cycle.