I was watching how my daughter was sitting today as she was doing some arts and crafts, and it was funny to see her feet like this. Which is the same way she has sat since she could sit on her knees. And while her feet are a bit bigger, she still has cute toes.
Parents are weird.
Though, I don't think my parents were like I am with Smallsteps - perhaps that is why I am the way I am. It is a reaction to their parenting, rather than following the example of it. It is not that they were bad parents, but I don't believe they were overly present parents - though with more children than I have to contend with, it might have been all they could do - or thought they could do.
Yes, we are always doing the best we can in the moment, as that is the only option there is. But, this doesn't mean we can't reflect on what we have done and then take actions to improve on them. After all, we can all learn something, so why is it that we have the excuse that "this is the way I was raised", as if that means that we are unable to break the patterns of our childhood.
Childhood sucks. We learn so much during that time at such a rapid pace, but let's face it, most of what we learn is several degrees from right and often, outright wrong.
That is a nice end to that sentence. Read it a couple times.
We grow up learning from our parents, teachers, peers and experiences, but we end up needing to spend the next decades trying to unlearn all the crap and replace it with what is better. However, as I have said since I was a teen, knowing isn't doing. Too many people these days think that their Googled knowledge holds value, even though they have no direct experience with getting that knowledge whatsoever.
It is the journey, not the destination.
Sure, it is great to have the right information upfront, but since as a species we aren't very good at learning from other's mistakes, why the hell do we think we are good at learning from other's successes? Even when we are given the best conceivable advice, we tend not to follow it, right?
Just think about if we had followed all the good advice we had been given through life and not "done what we wanted" - would we be better off? Most likely. However, would we feel like our life was our own?
I think this is an interesting question, where for example, I have several friends throughout my life whose parents built successful businesses. But, very few of them took the business over, instead choosing to *"blaze their own path" and largely not becoming as successful as their parents, with some struggling heavily. All they needed to do was to learn the ropes and then when the time came, take it over, doing much the same and they would have been wealthy, with a business that largely ran itself.
Living the dream.
But this isn't enough for us, is it? We want to "live our own life" and make our own mistakes. So, we do, but even then, we don't seem to learn much from our mistakes and we keep banging our head against the wall, over and over and over. Or new mistakes, even though we have access to proven patterns that we know will work...
Idiots.
We are, aren't we?
Human behavior is fascinating though and it would be boring if we were clever enough to do the right thing every time. Wouldn't it be dull to live a perfect life?
Whatever that means.
Life is short and since I believe we only get one life to live, we may as well make the most of it and, not worry too much if it gets a bit messy here and there. After all, just like we can't take money or toys with us, we also can't take our reputation, failures or disappointments. No one seems to talk about that, do they?
They talk about how useless it is to be successful, but in the next breath, talk about how important it is to be good. Just in case heaven exists I guess. But, just imagine getting up to the pearly gates after leading a "good life" and finding out, that you didn't make enough money in life to get over the threshold.
Would you be disappointed? Would you feel lied to?
But, people want something to believe in, to make their lives feel like it has meaning. I think this is getting harder these days and is likely going to get harder still, as less people have children. Kids bring a kind of automatic meaning to life, which is why so many people feel that they mature a lot more after they have kids, and become less selfish. It gives a purpose outside of oneself, responsibility.
I don't think people have to have kids to feel purpose and meaning, but I think a lot of people seem to struggle to find something that they can commit to long term, something that they really feel value in - which is why people subscribe to the changing landscape of whatever social movement is in trend at the moment. No one fights their whole lives for anything these days.
Except maybe parents.
I am not saying all parents.
But perhaps "most" parents. They might not even do a good job of it, and still they feel that sense of purpose to do what is best for their kids, and the disappointment in themselves when they recognize, they failed, or could have done better,
if only I had....
Can't go back. Only forward.
And if I want to be better tomorrow, I have to take actions to be better now. Make some decision, however small, to improve future history. I don't know what that will be right now, but it has to be something. Can't keep putting improvement off for tomorrow, because tomorrow is only a day away,
but tomorrow never arrives.
Which makes "See you tomorrow" a very strange saying.
But, that is where I will leave it today.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Was she sitting on her heels with her big toes tucked like that? If so, that's a very Japanese way of sitting. Kids here sit that way by default or squat down in that asian squat that so many in the West have trouble doing. Interesting.
Anyway.
That was a nice sentence. I agree.
One of the things I learned as I got older was that almost no adult actually knows what they are doing. I mean, when we are kids we assume adults have it all figured out. They know everything. Then when we get older we realize that they were faking it all along, that they don't know any more than we do.
When I learned that I became more forgiving of my parents' mistakes in raising me. We do the best we can at any moment, but that is often far from the best action. You know what I mean?
Yep, this is the style. Though I thought it would change a bit as she got older. I have some other pictures of her with her toes like this :)
Fake it til you make it - more like, fake it til you die and hope that no one noticed.
I know what you mean. I don't blame my parents for it - I knew it as a child that they had other stuff in their lives going on. As a result, I became very independent, but that isn't always a good thing.
This is so true. Like you said, even if it is a small action. Small actions lead to small victories. Step by step, that is my new motto.
Step by step, a bit at a time - everything changes.
While I do sometimes think about all the things I would do differently than my parents to raise a child, it is just a thought exercise after all. I don't have the discipline or finances to raise a child - I definitely fall into the selfish group of non-parents. I'm still focused on helping myself, and until I get that right, I can't be worrying about creating new people to care for.
Children are relatively cheap to raise - unless they have issues :D At least in my opinion, they don't have to be extremely expensive at least.
Really beautiful and profound reflection, which made me think a lot.
You know that I will soon become a father and I imagine that I will learn to do it along the way, I can say that I am lucky since I had parents present and that they gave me good teachings even if, many times I have followed my path, to understand later that the their teachings and advice were good... I would have saved a lot of effort lol!
In any case, today I live everything differently and I tend to listen to the good advice of those who have already done what I want to do; as a boy you have a head and the desire to gain experience, as an adult you understand that you can also make use of the experience of others.
I'll continue to act now to be better and maybe I'll be able to reach the best version of myself tomorrow... or maybe I'll make it today, but then I'll start again because there's never an end to the best😉
You will for sure. and, you are very reflective so I think that you will do a great job!
I thank you with your words you make me blush.
I hope it will be like this heh heh!
I'm sure, however, that these words of yours will be auspicious 😉
You will screw up a lot too - but it is like investing. Lot's of small mistakes to learn not to make the very big ones :)
Seeing past decisions afterwards is always easy.
I think that every parent is doing his/her best to do the best for the kids but sometimes they simply act with low awareness (of that moment). But condemning it afterwards is useless and not fair, since
Get the best from your parents, like they have done with theirs and do your best with Smallsteps! As she will do her best when her time will eventually come to parent kids and so on, keeping the evolving line alive
I think about the parents that have a style like their own parents, which might have been abusive. A generational cycle.
Did you have fun wrapping your head around the closing XD
I was pretty happy that my eldest thought we had done most things "right" and I think in a lot of cases (at least where parents wer being conscientious about things) there's a lot that will continue to be relevant (even if the kids are absolutely adamant that this isn't the case at the time) even if it a lot is wrong one way or another, and we just have to acknowledge that our parents did the best they could with what they knew at the time and the parents now are doing likewise.
If the interest in the family business isn't there then it isn't there. It's really hard to work at a soul sucking job that you absolutely loathe no matter how good the money is unless you're doing it with an end in sight (only for 5 years then I'll be rich and can move on to something else). Currently my youngest thinks he would do exactly that for the money and I told him that a lot of people fully believe that they absolutely would for the money until they're actually doing it.
I feel like the people that have to blaze their own trail might have an ego thing going on though.
Yes!
I think while there is the interest thing for sure, I reckon a lot of people in those conditions have been raised in a way where they aren't part of the business, or have it easy enough that they don't feel the challenge of building it. It is a type of "spoiling" perhaps.
Very few can work hard for any significant time for money alone.
I think when we become an adult or parents, we tend to change many things that we were taught or learn at childhood because we decide at that times that we can make them better.
The best example I can give is that planning the education life of a child, from born to finishing the university. Most parents of 30 years-old were not capable of doing this.
I think a lot of parents are struggling with this now too - just outsourcing it to the governments instead. I think the skills needed for the future, generally will still take the core of what it always was in terms of mental ability, but instead, people are embracing the digital life of not owning skills personally.
These days lots of people don’t do things for themselves and it’s a shame. Having kids definitely kicks your ass into gear if you’re not a piece of shit person and care about the kids to help them grow up in a positive way, though I guess positive is subject to perspective I suppose. We are definitely doing our best to correct the wrongs that were done to us as kids. I didn’t have many egregious ones but there were things I didn’t like about how I was brought up that I’m trying to change as much as I can, and I’m sure my son is going to say the same thing. It’s an odd proposition where we want to fix what we felt wasn’t great but are trying our best and likely our parents did the same and here we are saying that we are correcting things. It’s a strange circular thing now that I think about it.
I hear you on the successful business end. In one of the towns near us there was a huge furniture store that a guy built from his garage I think and it was massive, worth tens of millions of dollars and he had to sell it all because nobody in the family wanted to take it over. Heart breaking story. Guy was in his late 80’s and kept running it hoping his kids would keep it going but they didn’t want to be bothered. Fucked up if you think about it. It’s stupid how we want to make our own mistakes and our own path sometimes lol.
With regards to perfection, I think that’s one of my biggest challenges of the concept of “heaven”. I think we are too destructive for it to ever exist, or if it exists are we living in it right now? Strange to think of!
This is good, isn't it? It is part of improving on the past and evolving for the future. The problem is, when new parents choose to do worse than their own parents, which I think is happening in many ways through the convenience of not doing things themselves.
Out of spite, the guy should have sold it and given all the proceeds to charity! :D
Or, if there is a heaven, we will have to lose our human nature to be there, because our nature is not to be happy with anything for long, which would break the concept of heaven.
I've got to say I don't believe there is any "gold standard" to raising kids. The best we can do is to do the best we can based on what our beliefs are (and hopefully our beliefs aren't based on falsehoods and pseudoscience). Even all that isn't a guaranteed measure of success, especially since the idea of success can vary in so many ways. At the end of the day, every human is an individual and they will have to live their own lives.
A big issue in the world of the internet, disinformation and curated content based on desires. :)
We live in a highly volatile environment. In order to keep a business or go into another business, a person must quickly respond to changes.
The child, if he is capable, must himself learn to select the necessary information and constantly maneuver in a changing environment.
I think people are far more reactive, but far less capable of making good decisions under pressure - as everything these days seems to be "high stress" no matter what the circumstances.
Life has accelerated. Too much information. Sometimes we need to take a break from the information flow. One website on the Internet, one news feed, one phone to contact relatives.
I guess she feels comfortable sitting in that way. Well, I noticed something. We have so much negative vices in the world already and it is sad that children mostly imbibe those behaviors in them and they realize that they were wrong when they grow and they will change.
Also, some people will find it very difficult to change so it depends on the person himself or herself
Do you think people actually change though? Perhaps most of us are still largely running on the conditioning of our past.
Hmm you are right
People don't change. People only adjust. By the time she grows, she would still love the mouse but not like before.
We all are what we have always been
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I think we as humans are independent in nature, or we like to be independent, and we believe that being independent grants us freedom to make our own choices. However, even though it might seem that way, freedom comes at a cost because you'll have to face the music outright and be responsible for every little thing that goes wrong or right.
For instance, most people want to not work for anyone and try to be their own boss because they don't like being ordered around or for any other excuse that may exist. Without knowing it, it's harder to be the boss because you don't know what sticks until you press all the buttons, which, of course, is a lot of work.
Most young adults think their parents had done them bad or good, which is all in the past, and some failing to see that now they are free to make the choice and(or to) be transformed into a better human than their parents. But still yet it seems like we keep moving in circles living thru the lens of our past traumas and then blaming everyone. >But ourselves?
No- pulling out the victim card when we should have just do what we can right now.
The freedom of being self-employed is an illusion - because things have to be done and often, there is no one else to do them, but you, the owner.
Parents have done harm, but it doesn't mean it has to become a lifelong excuse. Too many just blame the parents as if they have no control over their own future.