Smallsteps performed her hosting duties at her school Christmas concert tonight, and it went really well. She said the thing that made her the most nervous at the start, was having to sit so close to the school principal. However, when she had her pieces to speak, she spoke clearly, slowly enough, and didn't stumble or mumble. I would have been quite different at her age, and for many years to come.
She probably isn't going to make the basketball team.
What was funny was after it had finished, I went to pick her up from the front and I said she did really well. We then met with my wife who said the same, and then Smallsteps gave her teacher a box of chocolates and a thank you card for the year, and her teacher said well done, and another said how well it went. And then as we were walking to get our coats, a couple of the parents we know came up and said well done as well and how brave she is.
She was so embarrassed.
I know that embarrassment and fear it, not that people praise my efforts too often these days. However, since childhood I have avoided situations where I would be singled out, whether it be for good or for bad. I don't like the spotlight and I don't like attention, so much of my life I have played the middle path, even if I knew I could have done much better. Similarly, I avoided situations where I knew I would be terrible, so that way I wasn't singled out on the other end of the spectrum.
A life of mediocrity.
It is not about getting up on stage, it is with all things and I remember specific instances where I held myself back because I didn't want to be singled out, even if it was to score the winning goal. I would pass. Lame. But I would give myself childish excuses, like being a team player. But that wasn't the case, because in that moment, I knew there was a higher probability of me scoring than who I passed to, so if I was truly taking one for the team, I would have token those shots - and worn the embarrassment.
I assume we all have moments in our lives like this, and perhaps they are sliding door moments that if I had for instance taken the shot, I might have been congratulated, encouraged, got the support required that would have perhaps influenced me to play on, to improve, to push my limits. We often remember the big events and see them as the turning points in our lives, but normally, it is all the little things that led into that moment, and led out of it that actually matter.
We underestimate them, because we don't remember them.
When we walked out of the school, Smallsteps told us not to keep saying she did a good job, so I went the other way and said how terrible it was, that I have heard moose speak more clearly, and she laughed. She knows she did well, and I also know that as uncomfortable as it is to hear it at times, there is also the quiet pride in her when she is recognized for doing something well. I want to support that, because at least when I was young, that was absent from the majority of my own life, and I don't think it made me a better person. Of course, praising every small thing, correcting nothing doesn't help much either, there has to be a balance.
Undeserved confidence gets people into all kinds of trouble.
Perhaps this will be one of the articles that Smallsteps reads in the future and says, "I remember that" and how she felt getting praised, or how she laughed when I was joking about how terrible it was. If she does read it, at least she will know that she did well, and it was noticed.
Sometimes, being noticed is enough.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I, too, detest being in the spotlight, though a part of me strangely longs for it. Right from my high school days I've been in the spotlight on several occasions. On each occasion I have shown nervousness, just like Smallsteps. Compliments are good but I think we should beware of over praising our kids, it can have a negative effect. However, Smallsteps has to get accustomed to being the centre of attention. Her life in the future might require that.
Yes. It is a strange one. I think it is the fear of failure, but the desire for success at the same time.
I think this will be a big and important experience for her when she becomes an adult ;)
Most of us don't like too much attention and would prefer to be in the middle path rather than in the front. I think it is both due to our character and bringing up.
I have noticed these days that young people like to be the centre of attention more - I think social media has made them attention seekers :)
Definitely better than I would have done in her place. I used to get sick to my stomach when I had speaking parts like that in programs. Heck, I still do!
I used to also... for days before. Now, It isn't too bad, as long as I don't have to talk about myself :)
See, I'm one of those people who could talk about myself forever. So much so that I often forget to ask the other person about themselves. I think it's just part of my awkward nervousness.
Your daughter is brave and interacts well with the audience. I once wrote in the comments that her profession would probably be related to leadership in a team. Our character traits are revealed in childhood.
It is possible - she tends to read people well and treat them even better. She probably needs to learn to be more assertive though.
I also don't like spotlight I feel uncomfortable sometimes
Do you ever have to speak in front of people?
Yes I have to especially at work and special functions
Excelente para ella, cuando este mas grande no tendrá miedo escénico. 😊
I've never liked being in the spotlight myself, so Smallsteps has my sympathy. But there are also times to take the spotlight when something needs to be said or done, and you are the one who is best to do it. And it isn't prideful to be satisfied with a job well done afterward. But yeah, being complimented incessantly is almost as bad as being criticized sometimes.
I think it is particularly important to praise girls as they tend to have lower self confidence than boys. Even if she doesn't seem to like it keep praising her.
😊 Good to hear the courageous and excellent performance of smallsteps. I'm always proud as a mother when I witness my children perform or make presentations outdoor.
From what I understand from your analysis, you don't like to be in the foreground. You don't want to be a leader, you don't want to lead, you don't want to take on too much or unnecessary responsibility. That's why you prefer to pass the ball instead of scoring goals.