Revenge is a dish best served....bitter?
"Cold" might be the best way to plan revenge, but to want revenge at all - well, that requires bitterness. Disappointment, anger, sadness - these are the ingredients for revenge, especially of the kind that so many seem to want today - which is based on pettiness and a sense of unfairness, whether true or not. With everyone considering themselves a victim, bitterness seems to be a growing emotion.
Parents are meant to introduce disappointment to children, but perhaps this is not being done as readily these days, or maybe it is that there are so many other distractions available, disappointments don't have the same impact that they used to have. Rather than them being something profound that gets reflected on, they are brushed aside, replaced by a screen, a game, another slice of filler content. And maybe, this is part of the reason that people not only feel entitled to get what they want, but also why they are less capable of dealing with disappointment these days.
Impatience is the status quo, because pretty much everything that people want, is on demand, available all the time, 24 hours a day. Then, when there are things that are scarce and are hard to get, they get overvalued, because people just aren't used to not having what they want. It is like the beautiful girl in the movie who sleeps with the guy, because he was the first one to say no to her.
That was in a comedy show I watched the other night.
But, when people aren't used to hearing no, aren't used to not getting what they want, it is natural that they are going to be more affected by disappointment, especially if they haven't had much else dramatic happen in their lives. The easier our lives are, the lower our pain threshold becomes, and as such, the more we are likely to feel pain. When our emotions aren't steeled by experience, every negative impact, cuts deep.
Every day I seem to hear another story about a totally inappropriate response to the situation, where people are beaten to death for getting cut off in traffic, or getting shot in the face for a carpark scrape. Maybe it is that the frequency hasn't gone up and it is just more available, but I get the feeling that I am seeing more inappropriate behavior where it didn't used to exist here too. There seems to be more negative, less positive instances observed.
But it is more than just how we interact with each other, it is also how we are living as individuals. I was reading a three decade study on the health of women in Finland and how there is more chronic illness than there was in the mid eighties, and a fair amount more obesity. I don't think many people aim to be obese, but I also think that it is a pretty easy trap to fall into, especially in a culture that has driven the idea that we should always feel good, always get what we want. And, it seems to be that many of us feel that we are entitled to eat and act how we want, and not pay any negative consequences for it.
Get what we want, because that is our right.
One of the things I keep trying to impress into my daughter, is the idea that if she really wants to be good at something, she is going to have to practice it well, learn the right ways, and repeat and experiment. She is going to have to invest into things she wants, and many times she isn't going to get it right away, and she is going to feel like a failure. There will be disappointment, frustration, and at times, anger, but if she really wants to improve, it is part of the process.
I think a lot of bitter people are the ones who didn't put in the effort, but felt that if they had, they could have done it. They could have been great. But they didn't put in the effort, so they weren't. Greatness tends to be combined with resilience and the ability to overcome challenge, to face adversity, fail, and still find the grit and strength to keep on going.
Failure be damned.
We all fail, and we will likely all fail again and again and again. At the end of the day, will we define ourselves by the failures we have experienced, or the times we overcame? And when the music of our life quietens, will the aftertaste of life be bitter, or bitter sweet?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I'm still trying to figure out where the disconnect is with people and how they act these days. I definitely think that parents are coddling their kids, but I still don't understand why. Is it a trickle down effect that their parents were too strict, so they try to be less so? Now we find ourselves getting closer to the end of that cycle which honestly leads to chaos? Will there be a reset? What might trigger it?
I don' think it was "too strict" but I do think that parents will always look to make it easier for their kids. But at some stage, it becomes a detriment, where there isn't enough challenge to mature a child into a well-rounded adult.
I think that the reset is coming. It is going to hurt.
I wonder what it will look like though, or what will instigate it. It's going to have to be something massive I think. Like historic.
Over protection is no protection in my eyes, if parents don't give distinct direction, stand aside allow experimental stage to develop wherein youth learn for themselves success/failure is a massive problem.
To continuously nudge communities, swaying thought process, through many means at disposal today, it is a psychological trap to one and all from old to young.
My take on what is happening currently placing division in many regions of life.
Many seem to forget this. Robust and antifragile is about as good as protection can get -wrapping in cotton wool will eventually see it dropped down the stairs.
I haven't read the book "Nudge" but there are some interesting things in Thinking Fast and Slow that speak to this.
How many scars do you carry into old age with pride, some seen some unseen, they all there and made us learn to grow, adapt as we developed.
!LOLZ Times may appear changed, not really still much the same.
lolztoken.com
One, they hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.
Credit: marshmellowman
@tarazkp, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of joanstewart
(1/8)
Delegate Hive Tokens to Farm $LOLZ and earn 110% Rewards. Learn more.
Mandatory "healthcare," especially vaccines, are responsible for this. Poisoned food, water, air, clothing, building supplies etc play a part too. But nowadays, nearly everyone goes to some kind of doctor for something or other several times a year. You are told you are not taking care of yourself, not being responsible, if you don't. If that shit worked, we would mostly be healthy, not mostly sick.
I know you have challenging medical issues in your family, and mean no offense. Sometimes we have to make very tough choices!!! I made them myself, many of which I regret terribly.
I think the healthcare system is a big part of it, but it is like a circular economy to drive illness. The profit cycle skims at every turn. Consume crap, get sick, consume healthcare to lessen symptoms, so as to consume more crap...
Hamsters on a wheel, we are. I got off.
Luckily I'm very healthy. I'll only go to a western doctor if I think it's a life or death situation. I'll try almost anything else before I rely on toxins to get well. It does not make any sense!
Because they are the centre of their universe, they are too big to fail. Failure is always everybody's else fault. The fault is outside, not inside.
As opposed to how we were told: if you are to fail, fail better, fail more, but never in the same way. This is how you learn.
Have you noticed that very few people "learn from other's mistakes" these days? It is like it is no longer a decent way to learn. I believe it is because we are so individualistic and can pick and choose our sources, that we don't regard someone else's mistakes as relevant to our own lives.
I think you only learn if you consider it as your mistake. If you blame some external cause for it, it is not really your fault, right? You were just unlucky. What is to learn from it? And then, how would you really care about how somebody else wins or loses in life if it is all about luck? This is the wrong perception.
I believe that revenge is somewhat a personality that some people have. Thus, they keep it lifetime.
It could be - Or perhaps there are some people who are more susceptible to feeling inadequate. I think that revenge is for those who lack the confidence to move on.
Dear my bro @tarazkp !
I felt that men in their 40s become as sentimental as women and get psychologically hurt easily!
I felt like you were under undue stress because you wanted to be the perfect parent!
I assumed you remember the disappointment and anger you felt towards your father during your childhood!
I believe you should forget and forgive the bad memories and feelings you have towards your father!
There is a famous Chinese proverb that says the things that bother humans most are memories of the past!
I want you to be a happy parent, not a perfect parent!
If you become happy first, smallsteps will be happy too!
Sorry for my akward english! I don't know how to write fancy English sentences!
Men have been taught to get in touch with their sensitive side, but not taught how to manage their emotions. The younger, the worse it gets.
I think you are projecting. I don't have any anger toward my father at all. None.
Revenge sounds soo mean now, I believe in karma because it's the best revenge
We all know how bad revenge can be but it is quite unfortunate that some people can’t do without taking revenge
They always want to do their own back
Is that that same as 'manage expectations'? Sounds a little more ruthless to me!
I wish you were my dad! 😍
Nowadays it’s common for people to be influenced by pop culture, where many see revenge - like shooting up a school as a get back to the government or hitting a woman because she promotes feminism.
All of these are things that won’t bring any change, because they are never the problem to begin with. However as a form of revenge for having our feelings hurt some people choose to be reactive and take revenge upon themselves. This I think, is due to how some people validates each other’s opinions online and when their favorite artist does the same in his or songs, it’s considered a good thing that they can take upon themselves.
As responsible parents (and I hope that nowadays there are still a few around) we do have to teach our children to different outcomes of the situations. They can fail, or have success, be disappointed, get rewarded or be refused. Everything counts.
Sometimes we refuse to give them things that would make them harm and when they get a bit older, they understand our choice. It was protection. Other times they don't get a thing that would not cause them direct harm - they will understand it just when they are mature enough, that it was a lesson called preparation for life. Still, they will have to learn how to choose between bitterness and serenity as possible responses to different circumstances. The previously learnt lessons and own responsibility to make the effort for sure can help to make the right choice.
I think people are so averse to failure and hardship that they usually take the easy way. So when they encounter a bump on the road, they are already gravely affected.
As the saying goes that failure is part of success. Just like I always say and also believe, if someone gets rich without having to experience how hard it is to get money or lose money in the process. There is a high tendency that he will not be rich for long cause he doesn’t know how hard it is to come by riches and he will lose it easily.
My diet definitely needs less entitlement and more lentils. The amount of Danish butter cookies I've consumed since getting a jumbo box as a gift over the holidays is quite unfortunate. I am hopelessly hooked on sweet treats. I blame the monkey brain!