I think I talk to my daughter too much.
Well, not "too much, too much", but too much about things that I feel are important for her to know. We play lots of games together, but the game is always surrounded by topics of discussion, and I realize that most of them are not "fun" in the traditional sense of the word. They are interesting, and Smallsteps (my daughter) finds them interesting too, but I wonder if rather than having deep discussions, we should just talk more nonsense.
We talk a lot of nonsense too.
But it isn't "kid nonsense" so often, it is more "lesson based" where I use a lot of examples to illustrate some kind of thing that might be important for her to learn. It isn't on purpose, it is just the way I am, and I wonder that if I changed the way I was, would she recognize it as authentic. Maybe part of the problem we face in parent-child relationships, is that we might not be authentically ourselves when we talk with them.
For instance, I know people who have teenagers, but they have never told them they were married before their current relationship. And far more common, are parents who think hiding all the crazy shit they got up to as teens from their children, is going to "protect" their children from doing the same.
That is nonsense.
What I am a ware of however, is that since before she was born, I have started communicating with her, writing my first letters to her and then continuing on throughout the last seven years on Hive. I am conscious that I might not get a chance to get everything I want to communicate across to her, but at least that if something does happen that halts the flow in its tracks, she will have pieces of me to look back upon, and maybe even hear my voice in her head at the same as she reads.
There are lots of lessons in my articles.
Not always profound, and not always even correct, but they do give away slices of my mind at a given point in time, and I think that I would have appreciated getting something left to me by my parents similar. Even a simple letter.
My mother lived with cancer for nine years, and she had a couple bad years at the end, but I think that she could have taken a pad and pen and written something, right? My father died a few years ago in his early eighties, and while he had dementia for the last few years, at some point he too could have written a letter to his children. He was a beautiful speaker, and I am sure he would have written well too.
And I could have passed them on to Smallsteps.
Ina world full of endless photographs and on-demand content that covers any topic, I feel that we have forgotten how important it is to communicate with each other on deeper topics, and have real discussions about life. Instead, what I find is that people spend a lot of time talking about the various content that they watch, or what is happening in the news, but don't really dive into how they feel about life, and how they cope through their day to day experience.
The art of sharing experience through words is lost.
I imagine that back in time, every parent was a master, and every child an apprentice, in the sense that they would teach skills along the line, so that their children could take care of themselves, by taking up the family trade, learning to build, cook, and create. With most having no way to write and there being no YouTube DiY videos to follow, or infographics, adults had to learn how to convey skills through words and demonstration. There had to be some kind of dialogue and inevitably, experience shines through as situations are described, and lessons learned are explained.
There is something mystical in the conversations between parent and child, because it is a relationship that will never end, and will always be part of the discussion in some way. It isn't like two strangers who get together and break up and in time turning the other into just somebody they used to know, it is lasting. Even through broken relationships, parent and child will not forget each other.
But things happen, minds go, bodies give up and eventually, the conversation can no longer be spoken and nothing new can be added. All that is left is memory. But, memory is an imperfect tool, and at times it fails in ways that is hard to describe. It is like when I try to remember the face of my parents, or the sounds of their voices, the only way I can do it is in context, where I imagine a scene that I lived with them.
But, most of my life was not with them, and even when I was discussing various topics, it wasn't their authentic selves, because they would whitewash the conversations, omitting inconvenient truths, and interjecting parts that made them feel better about their pasts, or to highlight a lesson they would want me to learn, even though it wasn't one they followed. Do as I say, not as I do.
Does a parent ever tell their children what they did?
Smallsteps is too young for all of my past, and I don't think a lot of it is suitable for a blockchain. Hopefully, I will get the chance to have these kinds of conversations with her when she is older though, and perhaps,
I might have to start getting out a pad and pen.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
People were a much tighter knit before computers and the internet took over for our parents and mentors...oh yes, and books! I think it is fantastic that you talk to Smallsteps the way you do. Do you sometimes let her lead the conversation towards things that she wishes to know or do you have a direction planned out for your talks? People need more face to face talks!
We take it I turns as to who chooses the topics we talk about. She often wants to know things about the way things work, like parts of the body, or in nature. For a 7 years old, she has quote a rounded curiosity, and very quick humor.
More face to face is for sure needed. The faceless internet is causing problems.
As long as you're both enjoying yourselves and it doesn't feel stressful (something you have to get from the air). I remember reading a book or article (can't remember which) ages ago in which the author was hanging out with some family who took the education thing a bit too far and I remember one of the sentences along the lines of "every moment had its little lesson" and theen describing how streessful the atmosphere felt wasn't that conducive to the kids learning much of anything (and from memory they were homeschooled so even less ideal).
I always think it makes much more sense to tell them about all the nonsense you got up to as a teenager so they can understand why you don't want them doing the same stupid nonsense and also so it then suddenly is not such an amazing cool thing that's going to make them seem amazing and cool because it's been done to death before XD
I can sympathise with where you're coming from with having some memento/keepsake from the parents now that they're no longer there, however it simply may not have occurred to them at the time, especially if there were a lot of other things that were on their mind. And if they're not the type that like writing it wouldn't have occurred to them at all :< And it's pretty cool; that you're doinmg the thing that you would have liked to get in case she wants it later.
This is what I am trying to avoid. It is hard though for me, as I am a trainer at heart!
Perhaps it is because I have so little from my childhood, nothing physical that "connects" me to the past. My mother and father could both write, and it likely did occur to them, but they also likely took the "maybe later" approach. My dad thought he would outlive us all anyway :)
I think you are probably doing okay. I'm not a parent, so I really don't have any place to talk, but I think one of the biggest issues parents have is that they are more worried about being a friend to their kid than being a parent. I would argue that if if you are doing it right, you can usually have both, but being a parent always needs to come before being a friend.
I don't get why parents want to be friends with their kids. Of course it is possible to have fun together and the like, but first and foremost, it has to be about preparing them for the rest of their lives.
I totally agree.
I really like how you are raising your daughter. Discussing more serious topics at an early age will make her more mature. I think as long as she is still able to have a normal childhood, it should be fine. Balance is important. So letting her play, be silly, and be creative is good.
She definitely has a fair amount of time to be silly too! I encourage it :)
Someday I will create my history and the history of my ancestors in detail. Perhaps AI will help me with this.
I know a few people who are into genealogy, and they seem to enjoy it. AI might be able to collate information and make connections much faster, but where is the fun in that?
What a loving and honest father you are! I wish I grew up under a father like you. Mine is a stingy and hypocritical type, hiding everything hideable from us; pretending not to have fund always so that he won't buy what I need. 😂 Thank God he's not here. But honestly, the man push me into the world to start feigning for my self too early in life.
I think parents like that are a good reason as to why kids need to learn to take care of themselves :)
Nice one I love it. And the image too! Thanks for sharing.
Good work.
Great picture and I love the content
Every nonsense you and your daughter talk about will have something sensible in it and that’s just the aim. Talking to your daughter a lot will actually help to boost her communication skills
I also use social media but I'm obsessed with books I love to read novels. It's my escape language books don't hurt people hurt so stay in touch with books
Now you're really kicking it old school. When my mom and I sat down to speak to my grandmother about her escaping Nazi Poland in the 1940s, it was well before smartphones. Niether of us even bothered to set up a camcorder (even though I wish I had). Instead we just took notes during the convo and then wrote it up in paragraph form (in cursive no less). I wonder if the next generation will even be able to read cursive English since this is not a skill commonly taught in schools anymore.
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