What's on the list to do?
It doesn't matter, because instead of doing what I needed to do, I did what I wanted to do instead, and took Smallsteps into the city by tram to get her the next book in the series she is reading. We have moved a papasan chair into the loungeroom from upstairs, and now she calls it her reading corner and has been ploughing through the first in the series. It is nice to have a kid who not only can read, but enjoys reading daily. It is apparently quite rare for many children, but I think this is a result of near zero screen access throughout her life.
However, she is also much like me and easily distracted from what needs to be done, and ends up spending a lot of time doing very little. It is not too much of an issue at all while a child and I want her to have the freedom to focus on whatever she wants, but as an adult, she will still need to have the skill to be able to draw her attention to a point, even if it isn't where she wants to spend her time. Because, a lot of the things we want to do, require spending at least some of our time doing things that we don't want to do.
But, since I have spent so much of my life doing what I think I needed to do and not too much time doing what I want to do, I think it is time I start just making the change and shift my focus. Of course, it is impossible for me at least to do this the majority of the time, but I think I should be doing it far more than I have been doing. I should be a bit more selfish.
And at least part of today was a day just like that, so Smallsteps and I went into the city, had a good meal in the central marketplace, got the book, and then went and enjoyed a cake together. We just walked a bit and talked a bit, and generally just spent time together, with me carrying her purple schoolbag on my shoulder.
It is kind of strange in the way that while I can "clear my mind" in an instant since the stroke, it doesn't actually help me relax at all. It does reduce the energy I require for thought, but that is about it. Relaxation is more than just a blank mind, because of the body isn't part of that slowing down process, it is still engaged with the troubles of the day, even if they aren't registering in awareness.
I can distract myself all I want, but avoidance rarely improves a bad situation. And that is the problem with getting easily distracted, because often when we don't want to focus our attention on something, it is because it is difficult for us, or we don't want to deal with the emotional feeling, whether that be boredom, or disappointment. It is far easier to turn on the TV, or even bury the nose into a book, than get what needs to be done, out of the way first.
If we have the possibility to do something we enjoy over something we don't, the choice is easy. But, if we don't have the choice to overcome that easy choice and choose the other, it isn't a choice at all, it is a compulsion. Many people are compulsively choosing the easy path, believing that they are making a choice, when they are actually addicts instead. And, like any addiction, there is a cost to the habit, and with any action, an opportunity-cost of alternative actions.
Today was time well spent with Smallsteps though, and rather than an avoidance of what I don't want to do, it was an active and intentional decision to do what I did want to do. It was a nice few hours, and when we got home, it was back to routine and she did her homework, I made dinner when my wife came home, and then it is off to bed to prepare to start another day.
The list of things to do, can wait until tomorrow.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Ahhh! A good picture of both of you.
After my surgery, I always feel that I have an 'expiration date'. I really do (at least the hardware inside me does!). So whatever time I get now with my kids, I try to absorb like a sponge.
Even the family vacations that we enjoy so much, I feel they are numbered. My 13 year old, soon to be 14, would prefer to visit places with her friends, as she should. I probably have one or two summers left with the older, and probably 3-4 left with the younger, and that's it.
We are not getting younger for sure.
The time disappears very quickly and I am hoping not to miss more of it. We all expire, but I can hear the ticking clock! :D
Will your kids go on vacations with friends - is that done there?
My older has already been to Italy and Japan with her school friends for the last two summers!
This summer it’s Washington DC and Germany-Czech Republic- Switzerland; two separate trips.
I see them increasing every year and soon there won’t be any time left. In high school there will be push for test preparation and college applications.
Maybe this could be the last year. In fact I am not sure how to fit the family vacation this year!
My sister used to read all the time when we were kids. It kind of sucked because she would never play with me because she was always reading. It can almost be a bad thing sometimes. What is must be like to be able to clear your mind. It's impossible for me. Even when I try I find myself thinking about this or that. If I was ever able to accomplish it, I think the silence would kill me!
This is where Smallsteps has an advantage and disadvantage. The plan was for two, but that didn't work out.
It isn't pleasant. I think it would be different to be able to do it like a meditation, but for me it is a bit like having to consciously think about breathing - stop thinking, stop breathing. Obviously, I don't suffocate, but it is a bit like a mental suffocation and I sometimes wonder what would happen if I chose not to think again.
Wow, I can't even imagine. I hear you about it not working out. Things work out the way they are supposed to though. Universal balance and all of that I guess.
Now that's a good dad! I'll bet that Smallsteps really enjoyed the day. How could she not, with lunch, book, cake and conversation with her pops. You even carried her bookbag, something else she will probably remember for years to come.
I think you're right to take time for yourself now. It is beneficial for you as well as the rest of your family. Speaking of which, you and your wife are gorgeous people and have produced a gorgeous daughter. You definitely want to take care of yourself so you can be around for them far into the future.
Way too many books in there though! When I was at school they had lockers for books, but at her age, she has to carry everything she needs for the day. Terrible for her back I am sure.
I take very little credit for our daughter :)
Here the older classes have lockers, but the younger ones tote books back and forth. It really is a whole lot of weight for youngsters to carry.
You were there weren't you :p
Going to the city by tram and getting a book. It reminded me of my school years 😉 However, it would sound nostalgic and odd for many parents and children in today's world when there is an alternative like internet :)
Funnily, the tram in this city only started a few years ago :D
I agree with what you said. That's why I stopped watching TV for a long time. Not all the content on there is our choice, it's a kind of compulsion. We were forced to watch because we had no other choice. Fortunately, the internet has become increasingly popular and we have the opportunity to watch whatever we want.
This is also a big part of the problem. We can feed ourselves whenever, whatever we want, without thinking about what we need.
"...doing what we want to do is fun and it makes us happy especially if spontaneously done. It's alright! The things needed to be done can be done tomorrow." As a mother, this happens to me from time to time. I feel sooo human knowing that I am not alone with this one. Thank you for affirming that to me @tarazkp 😇😇
As long as tomorrow doesn't turn into the day after, then the week after that ... :D
I wish I could become more successful at splinterlands tournaments... But so far that has not happened. It seems that no matter what I do other players play better. Annoying.
Is it about cards, or ism it about card choice?
I don't know. perhaps a bit of both?
Every day we should do at least a small part of what we want, no matter how small, not leave it for another day, because as a friend of ours said, "tomorrow isn't promised"🙂
Getting Smallsteps interested in books and away from tv screens and monitors is the best thing you could have done for her at that age.
With physical activity, she can develop nicely and properly.
I think so too. But it should also be intentional, like it is clearly done for the self. Too much gets done, but doesn't register in the awareness.
This is what the swimming and dancing is for. But most of the time, she is active without any program :) We are lucky.
it's ALL good. My daughter was reading at age 2 and used to read a lot, but now that she is grown, she doesn't read anymore. :(
How old is she and why did she stop reading?
she's 19 now and out of the house and working full time. I guess life just made her too busy to read,.. that, and instagram is a lot easier to simple flip from vid to vid, compared to putting effort into reading.. :P
I totally agree with you, I love reading books too
I can relate to being easily distracted, especially so the last few years. It is so hard for me to stay focused and on point. Your statement about choosing the easier path is on spot as I also see this in myself quite a bit as well. I would much rather pick up a book and read than do chores around the house.
That's the main reason why I joined a community like this: to learn important things from people all over the world. My daughters are currently in a very demanding phase. Even when I can't meet all their demands, I remind myself that a moment not given to them is a moment that won't come back.