Today is my birthday.
My real birthday, not my Hive birthday.
I would like to say that "I am officially old", but I have been officially old for a while now. I am definitely past middle-age at least.
Forty Five.
I don't care too much ab out the number of an age, but I do consider the value of experience that age tends to bring. This is not to say that I think my experience is valuable however, and perhaps the opposite. After all these years, I think that I should be a bit more knowledgeable and wiser than I am. Which is kind of strange, since I also feel that i have experienced a lot.
Last night, my wife surprised me with dinner with friends at a restaurant in the city, which was somewhat of an actual surprise, even though I had an inkling that there was something going on. It was nice through, with good food and a lot of laughs, talking about all manner of things, including death.
Over the last forty five years, I have had literally several near death experiences, and one of them happened on my birthday. We celebrated after business hours at a swimming center owned by a family friend, who taught me how to float, and then swim a few feet in a kiddy pool. After everyone went into another pool, filled with confidence, I moved alone to another pool, and preceded to swim a few feet into the middle, where I could no longer touch the bottom. After running out of energy very quickly, I started to drown.
I struggled.
But after a few seconds, I couldn't struggle anymore, resigned myself to my fate, and just let myself sink. I was looking up at the summer evening sky through the water, and I had an immense sense of peace. It was probably the calmest I have ever been in my life, and even now, I can recall that feeling, even though I can't completely recapture it. It is like remembering the taste of a delicious meal, but having nothing to chew upon.
Obviously, since I am still here, I didn't end up drowning. Just as I was closing my eyes for what I had assumed would be the last time, I saw a shadow break the water as someone dove in. It was the teenage son of the owner and he resuscitated me, and the first thing I said was "Don't tell my mum".
He didn't.
I have been electrocuted, I have been chronically ill and told I didn't have too long, I have been in a near miss car accident (maybe a couple), and most recently, I have had a stroke.
What have I learned?
Well, it isn't that life is precious, and if anything, it might be the opposite, where life is largely meaningless. Like last night I heard that an acquaintance that I have danced with a few times years ago, died at the age of 43 from a brain tumor. And, as sad as that might be, life goes on. And, this isn't just for me, it is for everyone, because regardless how close we are to someone who passes, life has to go on.
If I had drowned in that pool or died from electrocution, life would have gone on for the rest of my family. If I had died from illness in high school, my friends at the time might have been upset for a bit, but pretty soon, forget and move on with their lives. And if the stroke took me a few years ago, my wife and daughter would have been heavily impacted at first, but pretty soon, be building a new life, sans me.
No matter how important we might think ourselves, or even how important others think we are, the flow of life doesn't stop, once life stops flowing in an individual. It isn't a depressing thing, it is actually somewhat freeing, because it means that we don't have to put as much pressure on ourselves to perform, as no matter what we do, it will eventually be forgotten by those who know us.
This doesn't mean we shouldn't try to improve conditions though, because there is life value in being part of something greater than ourselves and having that sense of being relevant. I think a lot of people are struggling with their own relevancy these days, and are stretching to find their place, in a world that doesn't necessarily value people that highly anymore.
Death is a gift.
Not dying itself, but knowing that eventually, it all ends. A lot of people worry about dying, but what we really should be putting the emphasis on, is how we are living. What is a good life in our opinion, and are we doing the right actions to live up to that standard?
As said, I am not wise enough.
I just bumble my way through.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Does electrocution really count? I've been zapped a fair number of times and I never really considered it a near death experience.
It was when I was around 8, and I grabbed a cord that had a piece of staple in it. Once it started, I couldn't let go and there was no circuit breaker in the old house. My finger was charred. :D
Ah, okay. That's a bit more intense than anything I have ever gotten. Most of mine were either from the cattle fence or working on a 110 outlet.
Yeah - when I could finally talk, I was talking like Porky Pig :)
That’s a sad way to look at it in the grand scheme of things lol. I think what I agree with at the end is death is a gift because it helps us live life to the best of our abilities. That’s for people who are cognizant of it I suppose.
Death to immediate family is a lot harder than to those who are acquaintances or mediocre friends - meaning they will have to move on but the impact is far greater than I would say is called out here. It will have a permanent impact on your daughters life if you died at this age for her. We can handle it better into our late teens and 20’s but when they are 7-12 I think it’s the hardest hit for them because they remember you and are aware but haven’t had the chance to develop those deep memories that they can recall at 60 but that also means they will have a large void in their development at those crucial ages.
Life is precious and that’s why we have to do our best to enjoy it but also make it enjoyable for those around us - to the extent that’s possible of course.
I agree that losing someone when younger might be harder, because I think that void isn't about just knowing the parent as a person, but also about the "self-discovery" aspect of reflecting on the self through knowing a parent. My wife's niece and nephew lost their dad when they were young, one just a toddler. And it has been hard, but I also think that they have coped remarkably well.
Death comes to us all, which ,means that we may as well live a good life and be all we can be in the short slice of space we have.
Happy Birthday Taraz! You most certainly aren't past middle age lol.
Haven't you heard?...45 is the new 25 lol. You sure have had your share of near death experiences! The drowning incident sounds scary, but I do understand your feeling of calm when you are resigned to such things. It seems counterintuitive, but I think it must be a coping mechanism when all seems lost. I'm glad you did not succumb to any of these NDE's
Yes! I keep lying to myself also! ;D
I think so. I think under enough stress, our bodies just go into a flood mode, giving as many chemicals as possible to calm us down.
Happy birthday! I guess we just have to treasure every single day of our lives! :)
Cheers! Yeah, I think we should just do what we think is right, not caring too much about the outcome.
Happy Birthday mate! How you feel is important, not numbers 😉
Then I am much older!
Happy birthday Taraz. You've certainly been through quite a lot in your 45 years!
I have to disagree. I'll never forget those close to me who have died. Life may have moved on without them, but they are still very much part of me, and there are days or occasions when I think I wish they are here right now to share this moment. If you were to die, I'm sure you will always have a place in Smallsteps heart.
Ah, but what I mean is, that they are going to die too, and in the not too distant future, there will be no one who remembers who we were, no matter what we did. A few people might last a few thousand years, but even that is a blink of an eye in history. At the end of the day, we only have the time while we breathe, so we should use it.
Happy birthday, Taraz! I've always been thankful for your presence on here and enjoyed our interactions, so what I'm wishing you this special day is that you find the answer you're looking for here. Definitely, knowing what a good life is unanimously is asking a bit much. But maybe you are wise enough to determine what it might mean for you? :)
I think even working out what it means at an individual level is almost impossible. As soon as we think we know, we find something else that reminds us we didn't know after all :)
I like interacting with you too!
Very true. I think you can only know in brief, moment-sized bites :D But it may be unfair to ask to know for good, anyway, since you're constantly changing, so how could your definition of "good life" stay the same, if you're constantly on the go? :)
Happy birthday you not so old fox! 😀
Age is relative, right? ;D
Hmm, that's deep, it's a mix of pleasant and unpleasant experiences. I always say that the best gift from the universe is death. It is for all of us. No one will miss it. As you said, life goes on even when we die. Our family will mourn us for a little but after a while, they will forget about us. Perhaps, in memories, we might be remembered.
We must do good at all times, no one knows the time and session for death to come.
Happy Birthday sir, age with grace. More wisdom and reason to celebrate in life. I hope you are managing the stroke perfectly sir.
We all die, but I am not sure if we all live. Many just seem to be surviving, like keeping a heartbeat is a success.
I agree with you on this. Some people are just surviving, they are not living.
Happy 45th birthday to you. Spending 45 years on earth must have left you with different kinds of experiences in life just as you have mentioned but I’m glad you were able to scale through no matter what happened
I wish you more fantastic years to come
Happy birthday!
Let's see how it goes. I don't think I am going to live to be that old, but I also don't want to live past the time I am useful to the world anyway.
Happy birthday to you 🎂🎈.
Have many more days of happiness like this and the experience of death You have told, very scary.
If You are not experienced, You should be careful about trying.
Cheers :)
Happy Birthday, Taraz! Wishing you many more
Thanks!
Happy birthday, I send you a big hug. I hope God will give you many more years, my best wishes for you and all your family, I hope you enjoy your month.
If there is a god, I don't think it would know my name :)
Let them not be just words that are carried away by the wind. May you have many years in good health. A hug from the distance full of blessings.
Even a few years of good health would be pretty decent!
Happy birthday to you.
Thanks
Pretty lucky you are, surviving several fatal incidents. Death gave you chances to make your life more satisfactory than ever. So that when you confront the gift of death you would be having a smile on the face that nothing is left undone.
Oh and yes
Roses are read
Violets are blue
Happy birthday to you 🎉
Live a happy life 💐
Dying with a smile is about all we can hope for I guess.
Happy Birthday
Cheers mate
At first I was absurd about the tittle and curious at the same time, first time I would see such a thing,
But you've drown me to a deep lesson here about been conscious about how we live, primarily not to impress, but to live a well fulfilled life, because no matter what anyone does, it's just a matter of time it will be forgotten, but the legacy and impact on others, will never be forgotten....
A fulfilling life - it should be pretty easy to do, right?
Yes, you are absolutely right because most of the people are more afraid of dying but this time has to come for everyone, everyone has to die and this time is fixed. The birthday we celebrate every year actually becomes one year less of our life.
A lot of people also seem very afraid to live.
Memento Mori. and Happy Birthday :)
Lest we forget. :)
Have a great birthday. We should make ourselves happy and smile hope for best
I wonder what "the best" actually is.
Life is a deadly sexually transmitted disease.
Happy Birthday!
Thanks - It is a good start ;)
Sorry I'm late. Happy birthday.
I am later. Thanks!
Yeah it's been awhile. And now you're even older than you were back then.
Mr Taraz 🧁
Happy and blessed birthday to the side of his family and closest affections. This is a time to feel happy and full of your path. Today is a stop to pick up the steps already walked and look at the new path that is discovered before you "the new return to the sun" a new cycle full of life, love and dreams. Receive my sincere greeting this day.
🎁🧁🎂🥂🥂🥂🍽️🍾🍷🥤🧋🥮🥞🥯🧀 HAPPY, Happy Birthday
💃💃💃💃💃💃🕺🕺🕺🕺🕺
It's fun sharing in your moment of joy. May God bless you with more fruitful years.
Alas... I forgot... Happy Birthday sir
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They might forget if you weren't that important to them but on other people it has a profound effect. One of my online friends (who also passed recently) used to frequently tell me about her best friend who was murdered when they were only in primary school as it affected her quite badly.
Similarly sibling dearest is still affected by her best friend's death when they were 9, though a few decades later it comes up a lot less frequently.
And for some people life doesn't go on for ages, they just kind of stall when a loved one dies and end up in a fugue state for way too long.
And I think you would have left quite the imprint on that poor kid that dragged you out of the pool if you'd just gone and died on them XP
Happy birthday for your actual birthday and yay for the surprise party and good conversations XD
Happy birthday mate!
I guess as we get older, death and birthdays tend to go hand in hand. People are reminded that they are getting on in the years, and are slowly getting closer to their deaths. It's surprising how much near death experiences you've had. I barely think I've been in more than 1.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday, with many more to come.
Happy late birthday Taraz.
The sudden finality of death has popped in my life few times. I lost my partner to a tragic traffic accident back in the summer of 2019, and like you said, life goes on. I spent the long weekend with her friends and family which was much needed. Four of us even got matching cardinal tattoos on the inside of our left ankles. I think about her whenever I do yoga since I get a good view of the ankle and this was a shared passion/activity of ours when we were together.
Then just last Monday, the roommate of my current partner and I, had the tragic misfortune of checking in on her boyfriend to find him dead in his apartment of cardiac arrest. This was a big shock to her and made her reconsider her future in New York City. She decided to head back to her home state of Washington to be able to spend time with her grandmother who is battling cancer. The finality of death put a bigger priority on her being with her family than exploring in NYC.
Once again, back on the hunt for a new roommate.