We had a "date night", as Smallsteps went and spent the evening with her grandparents for the first time in a few months. She is going through a bit of a phase at the moment however, where she is nervous about being away from her mother and a bit clingy, even though once away, she is fine. It is likely because so many things are changing in her life (she feels) with preschool ending, friends moving away and her being unsure about what happens after the summer break. She doesn't even know (due to bad school communication) which class she will be in and with whom.
At least we had our night "soft planned"
On the Agenda:
- The Whale
- Dinner
- Billiards
- Drinks
The Whale was not necessarily the happiest of date movies, but it is ending its run here and had been pushed to a tiny second cinema (there are only two in the city) already, so if we wanted to see it at the movies, we had to go now. There is also very little on at the moment otherwise, so it was pretty much the only option.
It was decent, the acting was alright and it was appropriately uncomfortable. For those that don't know and without spoilers, it is a about a guy who has put on a little bit of weight and no longer leaves his small apartment. The entire thing is set in the apartment and you do get a sense of the isolation and a type of claustrophobia. The relationships in the movie are all quite dramatic and somewhat unnatural, which is more a tip to it originally being a play, not a a movie script.
Worth the watch.
Then it was on to dinner and we went to a little restaurant I had been to, but my wife hadn't. With dietary restrictions, it is good these days as we are able to see the menu before making the booking and there was at least something she could eat.
The only problem is, that when we were seated, it was a "for two" table right at the door of the kitchen, and every time the waiters walked past quickly, it was an uncomfortable surprise as they rushed by. But since one table finished a bit early and the next reservation was still a couple hours away, we were able to get reseated without any fuss.
The food was good and for starter drinks, they made something special for my wife that was strawberry, but not sweet - A basic Mojito for me.
And then the funniest part of the night.
We went to shoot some pool and it was the first time for my wife in twenty years and I have probably played three times in the same twenty. Suffice to say, neither of us are good at this, but I did grow up with a pool table, so I am not totally unskilled - which caused some friction.
Because, my wife is far too competitive over useless skills like this and while she was playing fine, she wasn't playing well. And of course, I stayed quiet during the first few frames, because I knew if I gave any advice, it wasn't going to be received with the love and support it was being delivered.
She was visible frustrated.
Annoyed, angry, pissed off....
Eventually though, she was open to getting a little bit of help and she started getting the hang of it again. We will never be good players since the next time we play will likely be in another twenty years from now, but still, it is nice to get that sense of progress.
After smacking balls around the table for an hour or two, we went for a walk around the city a bit to see if we could find a place for dessert and a coffee. We could get alcoholic drinks at a thousand places, but at only ten at night, there was nothing decent for a coffee available. We ended up at a bar that we both used to frequent (separately) when younger and it hasn't changed that much in the twenty years I have been in Finland. It is a local institution of sorts.
We had a coffee and a tea.
Wild.
Then, we caught a bus home. We probably didn't need to take the bus, but we did, just in case we wanted to have a few drinks. We left the car at a local shopping center anyway, as if we were coming back late, the bus doesn't go near our house. I was probably right to drive by that stage, but my wife drove the kilometer, just in case.
All in all, a decent night was had and I would like to do these things a bit more often than we do. So much of our life is spent on the daily grind and organizing for the daily grind, that if we have the opportunity to do something a bit different, we should take it. A monthly date night would be a good start.
One of the things that I was thinking while watching The Whale, was how so many people are getting more like the main character, locked into their home by lifestyle choice. They might not weight 600 pounds, but they are limiting their interaction with others heavily and I don't think it is for the better. However, because it is more comfortable perhaps in the moment, it becomes habit.
Habits stack and compound to make our lives better or worse. For some, they lead to a healthy lifestyle that is a pleasure to live. For others, they lead to being trapped at home and barely able to move. Which life we have might not be completely up to us, but we can influence the direction in which we travel.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
The concept of agoraphobia and wanting to stay at home all the time used to be such a ridiculous concept for me. Nowadays, with the ease of communication, 2-year practice session we had of staying home, and plentiful information and entertainment we have from home, it seems more plausible.
I also see the proliferation of mental illness messaging helping people diagnose that in themselves and, instead of addressing it, they are finding company in misery and leaning right into it. Troubling.
That being said, I am at home more than ever with the family, friends who connect online, home garden and the dog. Am I becoming that?
I love the date night man. Sometimes hard to plan and actually get out there but I have to do more of that myself.
How many of these disorders are facilitated by culture? Were there agoraphobic cave people?
This is the same with a lot of these issues - like "incels" - what kind of group is that really?
Agoraphobic cavemen would have been the skinny ones.
Incels seems to be a big pity party to me like a modern he-man woman haters club. Easy for me to say having been married so long I suppose. ;)
I'm glad you two could get out together for a date. It sounds like a good night to me. I also love to shoot pool, but suck at it. When a ball does go in a pocket, I am always surprised. What a thrill!
We are slowly being trapped in our homes, via technology and 'paperwork'. The covid measures only solidified all that.
I kept trying to say to her, just have some fun, don't worry about right or wrong. But, it had little effect!
Living life to make ends meet, isn't living life.
Sounds like you two had a wonderful evening, even with the slight tension during the pool game. Smallsteps is at a huge turning point in her young life and I agree that her clinginess is due to the uncertainty of her future. It sure is tough growing up, more so in these uncertain times.
"slight" ;D
I am trying to remember when I was at that age and I know it was pleasant for me. My life was quite a bit different however, so it is impossible to compare - I think she has it pretty good, but it is all relative to experience.
hehe well I didn't want to use the phrase 'madder than a wet hen' lol.
Spending time with your partner is the most beautiful thing that should take place regularly, but not too routinely; sometimes it needs to be done suddenly as a surprise. Many people believe that it will relieve some of the daily tension at work and kill the boredom of being isolated within the walls of the house with all the daily routines.
The shots in action on the pool table look like a pro, Sir!
Smallsteps was with her grandparents; it was a new surprise for her.
How do you prepare a new adaptation for Smallsteps at the start of her new school?
It is hard to do anything with a surprise with a young child and limited babysitter options.
We talk a lot about these things and practice what we can before hand, so that she gets a sense of familiarity.
Clearly, I don't like waiters being around me while I am eating in a restaurant, and those who are waiting for you to finish your meal and take the dishes.
We are same in this case 🙂
They definitely don't wait around here to finish, it was just bad positioning for a table. I hate places that make you feel like they want you to leave.
I also don't like outdoor tables where people pass by.
Dear @tarazkp !
I felt that you had great photography talent and discernment!
Looking at your wife's pictures, I had many thoughts and feelings!
I remember your wife is in the finance business!
I felt that she had a logical and meticulous calculation ability!
No, she isn't in finance - It would be good if she was :)
😅
I like this behavior when you're quite when she wasn't playing well and watch her instead to give an advise
Overall it's seems like you both had a fun together. Stay have and blessed
It was a nice evening :)
You and your wife can still be opportuned to play the game again if probably your wife derive pleasure from it.
She enjoyed it, but she doesn't like not being good at something.
It's nice that you got out of your routine to spend time together. "The Whale" sounds intriguing despite its unsettling premise. Billiards must have been enjoyable and amusing even though neither of you were excellent at it. I wish you and your family well.
Going out with family especially wife is wonderful experience but only few Really like or care about it 😂
One man's food is another man's poison. Thanks for sharing
Nice write up and read. Thank you
Every week I try to show my wife new places, or I suggest going to an old place to rest. But today was a very interesting journey. We went to visit our friends, by taxi to the outskirts of the city, to celebrate a birthday in a house in nature. And when we got out of the taxi, we got lost. We walked near frog ponds, near tall grass and trees, storks flew over us. I told my wife - the local inhabitants of nature will appreciate your jewelry and Versace dress :)
So nice. Some hang outs with such activities is so much fun. I should organize for Mary as well. So maybe I won't tag her so to not anticipate anything 🤣
During the pandemic for sure, life definitely felt like something out of The Whale, as we were told to stay in our tiny apartments and I only left to take a bright, sunny walk with family or friends in my small COVID bubble.
And now that I am working from home, again I have very little reason to leave my apartment on a daily basis. I do have a patio, so if I want to get some fresh air and bright sun, I do not even need to leave, I can just step outside on the patio without using the front door.
I do have the pleasure of going out most weekends to a local club and reporting back on the event -- the artist, the music, the venue -- as part of my "job" for a media company that has paid me in guest lists and press passes for the last 3 years. But socialization at these events is slim to none, as most people are there to vibe out to the music and dance the night away. Due to the loud music, most of us can't even hear too well when talking at the club, so most of the communication is left for after the event at an after-party if people still have the juice to stay up after the event.
I give hugs and shake hands with the familiar faces and party people I recognize, but it is nothing more than some basic acknowledgment. And forget about seeing any of my contemporaries from high school and early work life as most of them my age are staying in and doing things with their families. I am still living the life of someone 15 years younger, so most of my socialization comes from hanging with my partner's friends and making them my own as well. I could probably use a little less time at the club, and a little more time taking life seriously and dealing with real-world responsibilities... but I'll leave that discussion for a different article.