To you, to myself
I lied to you to myself once,
When we were tender petal faces, ignorant-drunk
and raring
I told you:
"Of course I will still love you"
When you are old and fat.
I didn't believe it.
I spoke it from expectation-
(even tried to think I thought it)
And because I wanted to believe I could believe
in a failed approximation of selflessness.
...
(the women come and go,
talking of Maya Angelow)
...
I saw you, saw myself, for the first time in years-
You seemed happy, exhausted,
kids were in tow-
Your petal-face drooped over a vase gone to pot.
You levied a smile at me,
Those ancient, ineffable, jokes-for-two dancing in your eyes.
Like shoving a tongue into a corner of my mouth only to remember the tooth was pulled.
Expired realizations weigh heavy on lonely grey men:
I was only lying to myself
back then
Thank you for reading!
This is a poem I've been mulling over for the last few months. Maya Angelou's name is misspelled on purpose, but I'm not sure if that's the best course of action. I may be trying to do too much heavy lifting with it, and the context might not work. I mean, if it were in a poetry book, people would give me the benefit of the doubt that it was intentional. On the webs, they may just recognize me for the fool I am.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this or any other aspect of the poem.
C
(Through it all, Pondicherry, India, 2018, @catharcissism )
This is quite emotional... but we do need to love ourselves still, even when our skin becomes wrinkled, our faces saggy :)
We love our resonance, young, old, beautiful, hugly, sour, sweet. For years or for a moment. What it really matters is, when we recognize it, not to let it go. Beautiful 💛
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Thank you!
My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We are in our 60s, going gray with wrinkly faces when we laugh, but we try and watch what we eat so we aren't fat. Every morning when I wake up and turn to get him up for the day, I feel so much affection and caring love for him. Nothing about our love for each other has changed; only our bodies have changed.
I wish I had what you have.
Maybe I had a shot at it at one point, maybe another after that. In the end, I always hated myself too much to accept that kind of love.
From my perspective, long-term relationships are like gardening. Plant good seeds, weed, water, fertilize, wait/patience, and harvest. Repeat 😂😂😂❤️🙏 You can have a healthy relationship, but it starts with your relationship with yourself first. I had to learn this coming from a dysfunctional family.
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