Just like every other day since the incident happened, I have been forced to live my life hoping that the pain I feel in my heart magically vanishes.
"Time heals all things, they say", "You'll be fine, just hang in there for a little while". How long do I have to hang in there? How long do I have to pretend that I am fine for others not to worry about me? How many times do I have to cry my eyes out every time there is a trigger? Is there a manual on how to deal with grief? I honestly don't mind getting one.
I stood up to go shower so I could go to the garden, even though I lost someone important I didn't lose the one place that means a lot to me and my family.
The garden was serene as always, and it always felt like the cloud looked clearer here, the flowers were blooming, the weeds were growing as usual, and some fruits were almost ripe. Everything looked peaceful and the garden felt like a different world entirely. This garden is the one place where I can get away from all the problems of life, no pity, no pep talks, no humans, just me and all the beautiful things present in this wonderful garden.
I sat down on our favorite bench, this was “our bench” as it held so many memories, this was where we rested after tending to the garden for the day, it was where we ate our snacks and laughed over silly things but right now it was no longer "our bench" as mum was no longer here to make it complete.
I folded my legs together and I could not help but feel sad. Ever since Mum died eight months ago, it's been so hard to live a day without having any triggers, as Mum was written all over the house, car, and every damn place we went to so it was hard to move on.
Today I had a major trigger, tomorrow is Prom, and Mum and I had so many plans for Prom. I was supposed to be her doll, we were supposed to use Dad's credit card the way we liked for my Prom dress and makeover.
Mum had kept nagging me to get a date for prom and finally, Kelvin asked me to be his date to Prom on Thursday but mum was not there to squeal in excitement and be the happy bird that she was, she was not there to see the roses and the cute note Kelvin had given to me, she was not there to listen as I ramble over everything in excitement.
Thinking about all of these made me shed tears but the more I pictured her face in all these scenes the more the tears kept coming out uncontrollably.
God why? God this was not the plan. My mum was supposed to return home with my baby brother in her hand, I was supposed to be a proud big sister, that was the plan and that plan was the best.
I wept to a point where I couldn't weep any more, I was numb, I was tired and all I could do was look at the beautiful garden we tended together.
Feeling downcasted, I lazily stood up to weed the garden. The garden was filled with weeds and Mum hated weeds the most. While weeding, I remembered how I would whine about being tired of weeding and Mum would simply smile and encourage me not to give up. Right now if given the opportunity I would choose to have my mama back and I would weed this big garden with her happily without complaining, but then again, if wishes were horses beggars would ride right?
Feeling defeated I concentrated on the weeding.
A few meters away from the portion of land I was weeding I saw a bird land on my mum's favourite flower, "Shuu..shuu" I tried to chase it but it didn't go away, at some point I tried throwing a stone at it, it flew away but returned almost immediately.
While trying to chase it away it kept chirping and it didn't leave my mother's favourite flower. Feeling frustrated already I let it be. While I was still weeding, I stopped for a while and I watched intently as the bird stayed there for a very long time and didn't stop chirping.
"Was this a sign? was was my mum here?" I asked myself.
"Mum is that you?", on impulse the bird drew closer to where I was and it felt like it was talking to me, it was trying to send a message and yes I did get the message, Mum was letting me know she will always be with me regardless of anything.
I smiled, and stood up, at that moment I knew my healing had begun, I don't know when I would be able to heal completely but I knew for a fact that I wasn't alone in this world and that I would soon get through this pain.
"Prom! Here I come!" I fist-pumped.
All images are mine except otherwise stated.
This is my response to Creative garden prompt by the Hive garden community.
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
After reading, I had to check the comments to be sure nobody really died.
Though it was fiction but I had tears in my eyes. This is a story of love, healing and many more.
You are an excellent writer sis. Keep it up!
#dreemerforlife
I lvoe this. THIS is the manual for grief - we are not alone, and we can endure pain. It won't go completely, but perhaps it happens less. And certianly taking solace in a garden helps. I love the fact that birds can be messengers - many cultures believe this too. Great creative response!
Thank you so much dear !Lady, I love the creative garden prompts, I didn't know there was such a thing like this going on in the Hive garden community but now that I do, I will try my best to always particpate.
It's truly beautiful. And the bird, as if your mother is watching over you. Indeed, she will be there every step of the way as you navigate through life, and she is proud of you!!!!
Thank you so much dearest friend for this heart-warming compliment😊😊
You are welcome 😊
A lovely story. It feels true to me. If it is, I am so sorry you lost your mother. I believe that bird was she.
Hehehe it is fiction Ma'am and thank you so much😃
The feels real. Is it? If it’s not, you have a real gift of bringing words to life. And if it is, my deepest condolences 💐
From #Dreemport
Thank you dearest @deraaa😊😊 this means a lot to me and yes it's fiction, nobody died my darling😂😂
Chai 😅❤️
Yay! 🤗
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Could you at least specify somewhere that this was fiction or no fiction because I have so many impulses running! I feel that you have a magical way of twisting the minds of your readers into being vulnerable and pitiful lol.
I'm glad you submitted this remarkable post on dreemport and as a #dreemerforlife, I commend your effort. Keep dreeming your way into quality posts!
Hehehehe my apologies dearie😃
I tend to write from the first POV so it's easier to express how I feel and it helps me draw my readers into the world of my story so they tend to feel everything happening as well.
Thanks for this beautiful comment @cescajove🥰🥰
This felt like a movie
Wow! Tell me this isn’t just fiction?
You did so well with the words
It is fiction my love and thank you for your kind words🌸🌸
Heart-wrenching words --- very well written. You got me caught up in that young girl's mind hoping that she finds some peace. That last line is the only one that seemed a bit off the cadence, like the flourish of a magician. Maybe that was the intent, to get us to change tempo. What do you think of the last line being just something simpler like "I looked around seeing things anew, and I knew it was going to be alright" (pardon me, my fiction writing is poor) or something lowkey like that?
Loved the overall story. Good going.
Hi @brijwhiz
Next time I will add this to my story okay?😃😃
Thanks for loving my story dearest friend as it means a lot to me🥰
See how you gave me goosebumps and heavy heart. The relief when I read your response that it's fiction 😃...
Anyway, thanks for sharing, #dreemerforlife