My list is a short one and I wouldn't say that I have added any names to the list of people I definitely trust, no questions asked, that I have met in Vietnam. I have a total of one person that is on that list that I met after 15 years of living in Thailand. There are half a dozen in the States I met when I was in college and high school. I think that list needs to be short.
In reference to your friend who has the parties: I was at a Christmas party just a few days ago and found myself not having fun but then I took a look around at the people there and realized that I don't really get on with 80% of the people that were there and when I do speak to them I am merely pretending to enjoy their company. Sometimes I think the problem is me but other times, I don't think I am the problem.
The problem is not you or we are the problem because I am exactly the same. If I had a special party tomorrow it would literally have less than 10 friends attending and some would have to fly in.
and perhaps that is a better way to be. The party that your influential friend had sounds like a bunch of hanger-ons being there rather than people he has a genuine connection with.