This month I've decided to do "Surf February" - a fundraising initiative which supports cancer research. I have to commit to surfing every day in February I guess it feels meaningful to raise money for a cause, but it also gives me a goal. Since Dad died last year I've struggled to find meaning in things, so have to invent things to pretend to care about. Oh it's not that bad. I'm okay. I thought I'd do an update every week. If you'd like to donate, click here.
I actually feel really uncomfortable about it, like I'm asking for money for ME. But I'm raising money for charities that I think can make changes. My Dad was in two cancer wards and the work that the medical staff do, from oncologists to nurses, is incredible. You definitely don't go into that career if you don't want to help people. Raising a little money is the least we can do, so even if you can only spare $5, that's actually a huge amount.
Sat 1st - Swim
I come down early as I want to collect seaweed before it's too busy, and I don't think it's legal, even though I collect from the high tide mark and it's not in the marine park. I love to use it in the garden, you see. I've emailed the authorities and they are cagey about whether I can collect it or not, so I pretend to sit and watch the water with my 'swim bucket', but I'm actually picking up seaweed and putting it in the bucket when no one is looking, and put a towel on top.
The water is cross shore, it's hot, and there's at least thirty other people swimming too. The water is lovely.
Sun 2nd Feb - Surf
I head down to Urquarts Bluff with Jamie. It's easterly and peaky waves and not too tempting, but the water is beautiful and it's hot - 38 degrees today - so we paddle out. I decide paddling the board is better than nothing. The waves are quite hollow and steep so it's harder for me on the longboard, but I'm stoked to get one really good take off where I stand toward the back of the board and make it. It then dies off and I don't get another wave, but that's okay. My hips are hurting really badly.
Mon 3rd Feb - Swim
In the morning I have physio so I dont go for a surf, and wait til the afternoon to go to St George's River at Lorne for a swim with Jamie. It's 34 degrees so it's nice to have a swim in the ocean and watch the tide sweep into the river whilst we lie around and enjoy the sea breeze. We stay for two hours and it's beautiful.
Tues 4th Feb - Surf
Ah, how awesome - Point Roadnight was breaking from point all the way to the boat ramp which is around a two minute ride - it's weak to start with and crossshore, but it cleans up and then it's amazing - a bit more grunt to it and I get some fantastic waves about two to three foot high. I walk around rather than do the long paddle and it's hard work - but three hours later, I've totally surfed myself out. Yay! Oh, and my hips are feeling better, and I feel a bit more confident about my recovery. My physio is a surf and he said to keep surfing - it's not that high impact if you already know how to surf. This wins him many points. It's what I really WANTED a treatment plan to include. Phew.
And I'm loving my new board. Like really, really, really loving it!
Weds 5th Feb
It was kinda crazy today, south east winds messing it up, but still fun. A challenging surf as the current was running hard, and it was busier than usual, but I had fun. I collected a bucket of seaweed from the beach for the garden as well. After that it was lunch with Mum, and we had a good cry about missing Dad. She feels like the colour's gone. We both expressed - or vented - a little anger about the asbestos company that are responsible for his death, and moved on - you can't hold onto that shit, but sometimes you have to let the kettle whistle a little.
Thurs 6th Surf
Messy easterly, hard current running through the bay. Really hard paddling out to point. Just not strong enough. Even Jamie struggled with SUP and he's strong. Got six waves that were mainly taken offs and weak and flat after that. Walked out to point to paddle out twice... It's a solid walk and I found it hard going so we stopped after doing that twice and instead left the boards on the beach, stripped off our wetsuits and jumped in the water. Must get more paddle strength. A beautiful day, sunny, just happy not to be working.
Friday 7th - Swim
This morning my arms were SO sore from paddling I was grateful there wasn't much surf, and I didn't wait around to find out if it had picked up. I really needed a break from paddling so I just had a walk and took some photos, and had a beautiful swim.
So far I've raised over $450, $150 of that from my Mum, bless her. We had a good cry over Dad the other day and both expressed a bit of anger that he even got cancer, especially the type he died from, which had he not had contact with asbestos, would not have happened. We definitely can't save him, but maybe be donating a little money we can ease the lives of others suffering from cancer. If you could spare just a few dollars I'd be grateful, but I definitely understand if that's not in your budget - times are tough for everyone, I get it.
With Love,
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My anger was at the lack of care my husband got when he went into hospital. I can't blame the nurses, they were SO overworked due to covid just starting. But there's a LOT of anger about the horror of how he died. I hope one day to find a way to deal with it and the trauma of the experience. It was so severe.
The rest of it, I seem to slowly be learning to live with it.
I'm so sorry. That's the worst. Mum was angriest I guess because he was in remission and then the asbestos thing came along. But she has let go of the anger and did so before he died, they both did. It was more shock I think as in seven years Dad never believed he would die. In your situation it was so sudden and during COVID too ... That time still makes me angry but for different reasons, although not least because people like you suffered so much. Are you getting any trauma counselling or have you? It was such a a shock for you. Much love x
Thereβs not much available in this area. If I had money or could drive, I could get some.
Have you looked into anything online?