I always thought I would become an archaeologist when I grew up. Everything started well, I was studying hard, interested, and motivated. But over time, something terrible happened, and I had to give up that dream. Then I considered studying journalism because I always loved reading and writing. Even in middle school, I wrote many stories. However, I never thought this passion could turn into a career.
When we moved to Austria, pursuing anything related to writing seemed impossible because I couldn't speak German well, and writing in German is incredibly hard. My passion for writing faded into the background as more immediate concerns took over. I needed to earn money to live independently. My first job was in the kitchen at the Red Bull Ring in Spielberg, where major events take place. Because I could speak English, they later moved me to the VIP lounge to take orders from guests. I met many interesting people and saw Formula 1, MotoGP, and many other events. The pay was good, but the job was stressful. Without a car, I had to bike for an hour to pick up a company car, drive two hours to Spielberg, and repeat the process late at night, four times a week. It was exhausting, and my health suffered. Eventually, I couldn't do it anymore.
I started cleaning in a nursing home, which helped me learn German over three years. Then I began to think about my future. I started working for Amazon, but sitting behind a computer for eight hours doing returns was not for me. I realized I needed a different job. Perhaps it was a sign when I had a seizure at work and was fired two weeks later. They claimed it wasn't because of my epilepsy but due to having too many workers. But we all know the truth. It was the first time I had been fired, and I was devastated.
After staying home for three months due to illness, I began thinking about what I could do in Austria that would be meaningful to me. I remembered my second job in a nursing home, where I had always admired how the workers cared for the residents. I decided I wanted to do that, but I was unsure how to transition from my background in tourism. I gathered all my courage and enrolled in nursing school, despite my fears about studying in a foreign country and my imperfect German. But I did it—I finished nursing school. I succeeded, and now I am doing something truly meaningful.
Being a nurse in a nursing home is incredibly meaningful to me. It's more than just a job, it's a privilege to help people and make a difference in their lives. Every day, I get to see so much history in the eyes of the residents. They have lived through incredible times and have so many stories to tell.
One of the things I love most is talking with them about their lives. Many of them grew up during the Second World War, and their experiences are fascinating. I love history, so hearing their firsthand accounts is a real treat. It's like stepping back in time and seeing the world through their eyes.
The residents are always so happy when someone cares for them and takes the time to listen. It means the world to them, and their joy makes my heart swell. It's amazing to see their faces light up when they talk about their past, their families, and the adventures they've had.
Helping them with their daily needs and being a source of comfort and support is incredibly rewarding. I feel honored to be part of their lives and to bring some happiness into their days. Their gratitude and smiles make everything worthwhile. Being a nurse in a nursing home isn't just a job for me, it's a calling that fills my heart with joy and purpose every single day.
Unfortunately, this is not something I want to do for the rest of my life. Watching people die in front of my eyes, taking their last breath, is very painful. When they come to us, they are still full of life, but over time their strength fades. There is nothing worse than seeing how they still want to live, but can no longer get out of bed. When they cry that they don’t want to die yet, or when they ask me to let them die because they don’t want to live like this anymore, it breaks my heart.
I am an emotional person, and this is becoming more and more difficult for me. What hurt me the most was when we had a couple who had been married for 50 years. They always walked hand in hand, and he always told her how much he loved her. He took such good care of her when she couldn't move anymore. Unfortunately, she passed away later. I have never seen such sadness as I saw in this man’s eyes. He no longer wanted to leave his room, and although he was healthy, he became seriously ill over time. Every day we tried to cheer him up, but he didn’t even want to talk anymore. He just looked at her picture and cried. He died three months later of a heart attack.
This was a sign to me that, unfortunately, I am not meant for this profession. For now, I will persist until I reach my other goal. But I will respect this profession for the rest of my life. Being a nurse has shown me the depths of human emotion and resilience, and for that, I am forever grateful.
“Our job as nurses is to cushion the sorrow and celebrate the job, every day, while we are ‘just doing our jobs.’” —Christine Belle
With love, @tinabrezpike ❤️
I totally get you on this one. As a scrub nurse I have very short contacts with my patients, and I like this aspect for a reason. The same as you..the emotional aspect that comes on in taking care of people takes a toll on you somewhere. Especially in an elderly home where you know it will only will their final stop this is particulary difficult I find. In the surgical department, we fix people and they get new chances....for some reason that ends up being a lot more easy mentally.
Endless kudos for you changing professions so often to find out what gives you passion. Thats's not easy as I know!!
Working in the surgical department is also very challenging. My friend worked there and told me about cases where patients didn't make it through surgery. He was especially shocked when a 14-year-old kid died on the operating table, and they couldn’t do anything. You guys have a tough job, and I respect that! When I moved to a different country without speaking any German, it was really hard. I had to start at the bottom to learn the language and slowly work my way up with different jobs. After seeing how the workers in the nursing home cared for the residents, I knew it was something I wanted to try. It wasn’t a mistake, and I’m grateful to be working here. But the emotional toll is just too much. I will stay for a while longer, but not forever. It’s just too hard.Dealing with so many people with dementia is also tough. They live in the past and don’t understand why they are here, always looking for their parents. It doesn’t help to tell them their parents are long gone. You have to play along, saying their parents aren’t here at the moment, and try to change the subject. I work 12 hours a day, and caring for ten different people with severe dementia is really not easy. But I chose this, and I’m trying to make their last moments a little easier. Thanks for stopping by and for your comment :)
I guess the pressure of taking care of 10 different people all on the same day also aint that easy. In surgery the easy part is that we only have 1 at the same time. Nice and easy overview ;)
When I worked on the ward in the hospital I also saw the difference in this. You can give your attention to 1 person, but that means that the others arent getting the attention at that same moment. It never stops, and that aint easy. Dementia is a different ballgame as well indeed, telling the same story over and over. Love the angel patience on you then!
I worked in a Swiss hospital for a while so I get you with learning the different language on the job. Es war gar nicht einfach! ;)
Oh no, our floor has 30 residents and 4 workers. We have around 100 residents in total. Some are in palliative care, some have dementia, but thankfully some are still independent. But that's the problem. How can 4 workers give attention to everyone? We try our best, but it's impossible to care for everyone properly. It's sad that almost no one wants to work in this field anymore, so there's a real shortage of workers. Covid made things worse. We were already exhausted, working 12-hour days, and often there were only two of us on the floor. I will never forget working with just one colleague when many were infected, and no one from other floors could help us. My colleague was so exhausted that he cried. That was the first time I saw how tough this job can be.
Ja, und es ist noch immer nicht einfach :) Schreiben ist fur mich trotzem zu schwer ;)
Nursing is a vocation, it is something very difficult and I truly admire the caregivers. I had to take care of my parents, they both got sick with dementia, and for me, seeing my mom wear out (the person I love most in the world) and die in her bed, is something that I will never get over (I hope I talk to her so that her heart stops beating). And with dad it wasn't pleasant, it was a different story, because I had to take care of the one who hurt me so much in my life, imagine what I had to go through, having to take care of the one who made my mother sick. That was one of the hardest things for me (having to take care of him after more than 40 years of abuse and domestic violence), which is why I admire the nursing profession so much.
This has been very strong to read, and experience. And let me tell you that I have felt this way many times, because my life has been very difficult, I suffer from chronic depression, and I often lose the purpose of moving forward.
I hope that soon you will share with me your new profession or your new direction, I am very curious to know what will be the next station in which you will get off this train of life.
I loved reading you, I enjoyed it a lot, I felt as if you were here next to me telling me all this Tina, thank you very much!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you. Watching someone you love go through dementia and taking care of them is incredibly painful. On top of that, having to deal with someone who made your life harder, yet still being there for them, must have been overwhelming. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I can't understand how family members can be violent, especially with children, whether alcohol is involved or not. Depression is a nightmare; it's in your head, and you can't escape it. Did you ever take medication for it? I know how those pills can affect you, making it hard to get out of bed, taking away your will to live, and leaving you tired all the time. I get it. Are you feeling better now? Writing helped me a lot, and funny enough, talking to strangers who understood me, even if they didn't know me, helped too. Sometimes it's hard to talk about these things with the people you love. I truly believe everyone can overcome this, we just can't give up. A few months ago, two of my friends committed suicide. I still don't understand how we missed the signs that they were struggling. I'll never understand, and it's hard to think we could have helped if only they had said something. That's why I always say we need to talk or seek professional help. You are really amazing, and thank you so much for your kind words. Oh, you can see I write a lot, so can you imagine how much I talk? ;) maybe sometimes too much :))
It was a difficult process, many things happened with both my mother and my father. They were different cases. I remember, for example, on one occasion that I had to take my father to the bank to collect his pension, he was in a nursing home and could not move alone (orders from the prosecutor in charge of the case, because there was even a judicial process with him (that is another long story) and I had to pay for a taxi (at that time I was unemployed, I had no income to even buy food for myself) and it cost a lot of money because the nursing home was 2 hours from where I live, I had to pay a taxi that agreed to take an older man with a cane. Then in the bank my father could hardly walk, he lost his balance, he would fall to the ground if he was sitting. And in the bank even though I warned them of his condition, of. They had to attend to him quickly, they didn't...they made me wait, and Dad would fall to the floor, and all the commotion in the bank would start. They would start asking questions, and I would waste a lot more time. I just wanted him to collect his money. pension and return him to the nursing home... That created a trauma for me (in addition to other things).
Writing helps me, but in reality I have many shortcomings in my home, repairs to basic services that I do not have, such as a washing machine, the sink, toilet and shower are clogged, my mattress is no longer useful and I have no way to buy another one, I have All my teeth are damaged and another tooth is about to fall out, I have a chronic ulcer on my leg for 8 weeks that has not closed (I am diabetic and the matter is worse), and my finances are not good at all. There are hundreds of things.
In reality I don't feel better, but I am very strong mentally, I have gone through many things and processes, even the keys to my home have been stolen and I have had to sleep on the street like a beggar for not having the keys... etc.
I'm sorry about your friends. Maybe they didn't want to tell their things, often there are many things that overwhelm us. It happens that sometimes we don't want to tell things because they are very difficult, and the solution in many cases is filthy money (to repair the toilet, to buy a new mattress, to unclog the pipes, to repair your teeth, to have a good quality of life, which with only $70 of income per month I cannot obtain, and the rewards I get in hive are not enough to cover everything, I only receive about $40 per month per hive of those $70 per month (the other 30 are a product of a property that I have rented).
I've talked to professionals, they've prescribed me drugs, but I don't like lying in a sick bed, I'm not one of those. And currently I can't afford a professional either ($50 a consultation, too expensive), and going to public health in this country is not an option for me, because it's terrifying, it's terrible, you end up dying (long waiting times to be treated between 14 to 18 hours in the hospital, negligence, bad treatment, etc.), so I prefer to go to a private doctor, but with such expensive consultations it is not possible. And I don't have anyone in this life, it's just me. My family pushed me aside, my parents died and my aunts are almost dying (80 or 90 years old) and my cousins who are already adults, I don't think they even know that I exist. On repeated occasions I have written to them on Instagram and social networks and they do not respond to me, but they continue to publish photos of their meetings, celebrations, successes, etc. But they don't answer me, and they know it's me. I have written to them privately and publicly. So I no longer take them into account, it doesn't make sense.
Thank you for your empathy, it is a delight to talk to you, and if you think you write a lot, imagine what you will say about me, hahahaha. I also talk a lot in person, I'm very talkative, but it's difficult to find someone to have a good chat with these days, at least for me.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can see you've been through a lot, and it's clear you're a strong person to have faced so many challenges. It must have been really tough dealing with so many issues at home. I can imagine how stressful that trip to the bank must have been, and it’s so unfair that you didn’t get the help you needed. It's also really hard to deal with financial problems, especially when there are so many things that need fixing. Not having basic things can make life so much harder. And having health issues on top of everything else is just too much. It’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed. I'm sorry to hear about your family situation too. It must hurt to feel ignored by people who should care about you. ;/
But, sometimes just getting things out can make a big difference. It’s important to remember that you’re doing your best, even when it feels like everything is against you. You’ve survived so much, and that shows how strong you are. Thank you for talking to me and trusting me with your story. I hope things start to get better for you soon. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.
I have felt comfortable talking to you, I really believe that you are someone with whom you can interact and discuss anything. Yes, I don't always like to talk about my life because I try as much as possible to keep it separate from hive, since here in hive I focus on making art content (my pixel art and nfts drawings), my videos about stories, and also my fiction and horror stories, which is what I like to do. I generally talk about these topics with the people I interact with, and sometimes, on very special occasions, I talk about my life, when I bump into unicorns like you =).
I always do my best, but I feel tired and exhausted, it is one fight after another, without respite, and I am alone for everything (without support from anyone. It would be very different if I had an ally, here in my house (not It necessarily has to be a couple, sex doesn't interest me, I passed that stage a long time ago) to help me with simple tasks like cleaning the house or going out to do some tasks like buying food, etc.), and that makes it more difficult .
There is nothing you need to thank me for, I know you are someone I can trust, you generate trust (I guess you must be used to that, a lot of people must tell you that haha).
I hope things improve soon, I'm almost reaching my limit of what is "humanly bearable" =)
And sure, when I want to talk about anything, I leave you a message in any post, you can also do the same.
Ah, I take advantage of leaving you my NFT collection, in case you want to support me by acquiring one, maybe there may be one that you like (publicity moment hahaha)
https://nftshowroom.com/manclar/gallery
I'm really glad you feel comfortable talking to me. I totally get wanting to keep your personal life separate from Hive and focusing on your art and stories. It sounds like you have a lot of creative projects going on, which is amazing! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling tired and exhausted. It must be tough to handle everything on your own without support. Having someone to help with simple tasks would definitely make things easier. I appreciate your trust and kind words. I hope things get better for you soon and that you find some relief. If you ever want to talk about anything, feel free to leave me a message anytime. And thanks for sharing your NFT collection! I'll definitely check it out and see if there's something I like! marketing is everything! ;)
Take care!
I've always dreamed of becoming a nurse, but I'm terrified of blood and wounds. Reading about your journey and the meaningful connections you've made with your residents gives me hope and courage. It's amazing how you overcame your fears and challenges to find your calling. Thank you for sharing your experience, it means a lot to someone like me who's still figuring things out.
You know, I always thought I would have trouble with blood and wounds, but I don't. You need to try to find out if you're able to do this. Without trying, you'll never know.
For me, it's harder to deal with knowing who is at the end of their life and walking into a room alone to find someone has died. I've seen too many... Yes, it's rewarding to make someone's life a bit easier, but knowing what will happen soon is just too much. I still remember seeing a beautiful, kind woman take her last breath. She died peacefully, but right in front of me. It was a big shock. And your shift doesn't end...you still have to work the whole day and can't go home. For now, I'll keep doing this, but not for long. It's just too much. Don't worry, you'll find your way. I'm 32, and it took me a long time to find the right path. I'm still not doing what I really want and not making enough money to live just from writing. Thanks for your comment. Have a great day :)
Wow this story reminds me of me drifting as my life searching for what to do after a disappointment with religion and processing to cut off a brother who hurt me.
I'm glad there are people who find light on their path, keep it up.
life goes on, we just need to find the right path. It's hard, but we can always see a light at the end of the tunnel. I lost two friends this year due to suicide, and that's why I realized that I will always look for a solution, no matter how hard it is. We must be strong! I wish you all the best, and thanks for stopping by ☺️
Thank you very much I will try to find the way
Always have to fight this the end 🫡 🧑🦼🧑🦽🏃
Ser enfemera siempre lo he visto como un trabajo horriblemente dificil, pero gratificante. Jamas se me paso por la mente estudiar esta carrera, ya que se lo dificil y demandante que es, mi admiracionn mas profunda para todas las enfermeras y enfermeros
Hi, thanks for your comment and kind words. I love your language and I'm thinking about learning it soon. I understand a little, so I tried to translate your message by myself and I was almost right about what you wrote, but I still needed some help with the translation :)) Maybe in the future, I'll write back in Spanish ;)) gracias y que tenga un buen día ( I hope this is right )
While reading your post, I can feel the pain while seeing someone dying right before your eyes🫤
The worst thing is knowing who will die soon and not being able to do anything about it. You just have to wait and see the pain in their eyes. It’s also hard when the family comes every day, asking how their mother or father is, and I don’t know what to say. This job can bring a lot of happiness and joy, but there are also many sad moments. Still, I appreciate every important moment.
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