I could have easily not taken the plunge when I got older. I'm not sure how things worked out that way, but I'm glad I did. I did other things too. My bout of claustrophobia never prevented me from seeking work on a submarine as it presented opportunities for learning that I wouldn't have gotten on a large ship. In time, I minimized that fear too, though I could never eliminate it.
The toughest part was getting over the tight quarters. Sleeping became interesting:
I almost feel it... I get claustrophobic in small places, in a plan, in an elevator, and so on...
From the first time I have read that you were in a submarine, I wanted to #declass that but I think I wanted to hide the idea in my brain, somewhere....I know how it is...I was always like this...fear of heights and claustrophobia...I am coping with them all..." repatterning my self-trust", this is what I tell myself, counting, breathing, meditation, mindfulness, recalibrations, anchoring, etc..I try what I can and see what works for that moment when the heart starts beating like a horse in a "run...Forest, run..." manner...
Interesting picture of your bed...I wonder how you got adapted in the first days there.
If you've never been on a submarine and report to your first ship, there's quite a robust indoctrination to life onboard. You'll encounter one problem because you don't have an assigned luxury bed, as displayed above. They may need to move people around to accommodate you. Until then, they will provide you with the comfort befitting someone of your station.
I call these "assisted sleeping arrangements".
They'll put a two-inch mattress on a steel slab beneath torpedos. You can sleep there until they come up with better arrangements in about 1-3 months. During this time, your nights will be filled with weapons testing of the torpedo tubes. Trust me; you'll learn to sleep like a baby.
I have to admit; I still don't sleep like a normal human. Though, there are those tougher than I who have not had such problems.
God!
I hope it paid you back somehow...this whole experience. Beyond money, that is...I've inhaled deeply while reading this last comment here...claustrophobic thoughts were testing me.
I'm so glad that part of your life finished....
I will be back online tomorrow.
Hugs and thank you so much for being close and showing me around...the submarine...joking...thank you for reading my articles and for opening up...
It took some time to come up with an answer to your response. My best response is that my experiences have helped me to a degree. On the occupation side, I've never been without work and I've always been promoted. I've also never had an issue finding a job. I can support my family and give them some comforts I've never had.
On the social side, my experiences have robbed me of emotions I no longer possess. Sometimes I'm on a low so low I must pretend. It is the way of things, I gather. When people cry and seek consolation, I do all the things I'm supposed to do, but only because that's what expected and because I feel they need it. It isn't because I feel anything from their need for consolation.
My wife was my salvation. She brought me back to a degree, but she was also broken. It was best for me to be a rock for her comfort and an emotional person that could empathize. I'm not sad about it because, well, she's my wife.
It's the essence of our lives that ultimately shapes our hearts, not just our cognitive behavior. What we feel or how or what we don't feel at all, they all happen because we had to let ourselves be put in situations that broke...our ego, some of our sensitive parts, our innocence sometimes, maybe even our power for genuine compassion.
I'd ask, without wanting to be intrusive in any manner possible....Where is your home? Where do you find comfort within yourself (not the real home you might have with your wife, I mean)?
Where is your SELF placed?
I am here.
My home is my family, where ever we reside. My SELF is placed in no particular area. At some point in my youth, I left home. I didn't settle in any place for almost 13 years. I spent my time going from job to job until just before I got married. It's during that new era of my life that I began to grow roots.
Thank you so much for your answer. I am glad you have your loved ones with you. I am still a life wanderess...