Over the course of the last year, I have been doing mushroom trips once a month. Those trips have ranged from all sorts of different doses. Over the last year or so, I have had so many different experiences during these trips. I can honestly say that mushrooms have pretty much changed the course of my entire life. They have helped me work through things in my life and given me the ability to have compassion for myself and what I have been through in my 42 years here on this planet.
The last week or two leading up to this trip have been a little hard for me. I have been thinking a lot about my childhood and how growing up in a military family has made being an adult pretty challenging. Growing up, I didn't live anywhere for more than three years or so. So every two or three years, I had to say goodbye to everyone I had met, pack up all my stuff and move on to the next home where I would be forced to meet new friends, learn a new city and try to find myself in a brand new school.
As a result, I have no life long friends. The internet didn't exist back then, and as a kid, I can't remember the names of all my childhood friends. Also, not living around where I grew up makes it to where I can't revisit old places from my childhood, so it is hard to remember a lot of my early years because I don't have landmarks to bring back any memories. One of my favorite parts about mushrooms is their ability to activate so many parts of the brain and as a result, I usually have a flood of memories come through after my trips. It is kind of like going down memory lane.
For this trip, I decided to do 3.5 grams of a strain called Smurph TAT. It is a cross between Albino Penis Envy and a variant of Golden Teachers called True Albino Teachers. I ate a gram of this mushroom last month and had a pretty cool time. One gram of it gave me some pretty cool visuals and an overall fun experience as I went about my day. 3.5 grams is a totally different experience and one that I knew I was going to need time laying down.
Making my mushroom tea for my trips has become a ceremonial ritual. I measure out my dose and then chop it up as my water begins to boil. Then I mix it in and let it steep for about 20 minutes. As it is steeping, I take time to really think about what I want out of the upcoming trip. For this one, I was hoping to get some confirmation about the direction I am heading in life and to release any old emotions and stored energy that I have been holding onto.
Once my tea is ready, I started sipping on it. I try and take 20-30 minutes to drink it so that the effects don't slap me in the face. It is better to ease into these experiences because things can get very overwhelming as the world begins to change. I say I try and take 20-30 minutes to drink it, but that is never really what happens. I usually end up finishing it in under 10 minutes, no matter how long I try to take.
As I drink my tea, I make sure my space in my room is ready. I hang up my tapestries and get my black lights set up. It is super cool to have things to look at as the mushrooms begin to take effect. About 20 minutes after finishing my tea, I begin to get the nervous stomach. It is sort of like anxiety building in my stomach and my body begins to shake and shiver. This feeling used to be pretty overwhelming, but I have gotten used to it and it doesn't bother me as much.
Then I begin to see movement in the walls and ceiling. As I stare at the ceiling, watching it breath, I know there is no turning back and that I am in for whatever the mushrooms have for me. I start to warm up some cannabis and get ready for my trip to really start. As I take deep breaths of my cannabis smoke, bright colors are dancing around me and I am starting to see geometric shapes and patterns begin to emerge around me. Then I turned on my music and laid down in the safety of my bed and wrap myself in soft blankets.
The first song on my playlist is sort of a meditation. It's a song called "Listen" that talks about listening to the world around you and teaches you how to ignore everything around you as you get into the meditative state. As I was listening to this, the world began to fade away around me and I started going deep inside my mind. It is a strange feeling as you begin to fade away into nothing.
I can't remember everything that I was thinking during this time. My mind was all over the place, but it was at peace at the same time. My body was beginning to shake and I could feel the waves of energy wanting to be released. Normally I spend the first hour or so shaking uncontrollably on my bed for a while, but this time I was able to ignore those feelings. I would feel the shakes beginning but I would not react to them or pay them any mind and they eventually subsided.
My body began to feel like it was filled with helium and began to float outwards in all directions at once. Then I began to lose feeling around my entire body. Kind of like it was disappearing. My arms of legs would try and remind me they were still there by shaking a bit, but I ignored those sensations. As my body disappeared, I felt as if I was in the great expanse of space. It was so dark and massive. I focused on breathing and ignoring all sensations that my body was trying to feel.
Then I saw a great white light in the distance and I began flying towards the light. As I got closer to it, it looked like a massive comet or sun that had a long tail flowing behind it as it flew through space. It was strange because it felt like my body and mind were aligning and then I merged with the light. I felt like I was a monk meditating in a temple somewhere and I knew I was connecting to existence, or God, itself.
When I was connected I felt an immense love and bliss. I knew that I was the light. I knew I was everything that has ever existed and ever will exist. I remembered thinking about the human body that was laying in my room at the moment and wondering how I could ever go back into that body knowing what I know now. It was like all the answers to the universe were being revealed to me, but there were no words I could put them in to explain these secrets. Then I was overcome with compassion and love for the human that I am at this moment. I felt the love that I, as God, had for person I am. Then I had love and compassion for every human. I knew that everyone is a physical manifestation of my true self.
I have a few songs in my playlist that I put in there to think about the love I have for my kids, but this trip, those songs took on an entirely different meaning. There is a song called Heartbeat by James Arthur where he is singing to his new baby. As this song started, there is a heartbeat that makes up the rhythm for the song and it felt like it was the heartbeat of the universe. The song felt as if it I were singing the song to myself. I felt as if I was cradled in loving arms as it was sung to me.
The next song that came on is a Liquid Bloom song called "Ceremony of the Heart". This song was like I was telling myself how to live my life. It speaks about how life is an ancient gift passed down from ancestor to ancestor. It was such a cool experience to be connected to the Divine as it sung this to me. "You are the medicine" is one of the lines of the song that really sticks with me. It showed me that even though I am just one of 8 billion people here on this earth, I am still special and loved by my higher self. I am not a forgotten person existing here. I don't really know how else to explain the love I felt for myself knowing that my higher self has always been there along my journey and that my higher self will provide anything I could ever want.
As the songs continued to play, my mind was filled with memories from my childhood in Illinois. I was there from like 5th to 7th grade. Illinois was one of my favorite places as a child. I had some really great friends and lived in a pretty cool neighborhood. I was reminded about all the times fishing with my friends at the neighborhood pond. Playing flashlight tag and other fun times with my friends. I had forgotten about so many of these memories, so it was really cool to experience them again.
As I was connected to my higher self, it was like time didn't move in a linear pattern, but instead, I could visit any moment of time. It was like seeing all of existence at once. I had a lot of compassion for my parents and their roles that they play in the eternal timeline. I felt a great love for babies and thought how they are how I am able to continue existing after the physical body I am in dies off. My kids and grandkids are the future versions of me. We are all on this journey together.
I made a book of my grandson's birth with pictures that my wife and I had taken. As I was looking at the pictures, I thought how cool it was that I am able to document existence in such a beautiful way. Photography has become such a huge part of who I am and I am so grateful for that gift. I love that I can take pictures for people and give them such beautiful snapshots of their lives.
After a few hours, my wife came in the room and brought me a bowl of fruit to eat. It was interesting because throughout the entire trip so far, I had not really cried, but once she came in the room, it was like the floodgates opened. I began to cry for what seemed like no reason. It was as if I was realizing how beautiful this experience had been up to this point and my wife was my safe space to really take it all in and process it.
After eating my fruit, my wife and I went out on a walk. The visuals werent as intense as I was expecting them to be, but I think that is because I had spent the majority of the trip with my eyes closed. As we went on a walk, when I stopped, the trees and ground were moving and breathing. It really is such a cool thing to see the world come alive and breath with you.
As the effects of the mushrooms began to fade, I spent the remainder of the day thinking about my experience. Growing up, I was part of a very strict religion that promised to many things, but never delivered any of it to me. I was told that if I prayed, God would listen to me and speak with me, but throughout my life, it was as if God had forgotten about me. Being able to connect with what some consider God was such an amazing experience.
Psychedelic experiences are all in your head, and people that have never experienced them are quick to dismiss them. But these experiences are very real for those that go through them. They become memories that are as real as going to work. They become a part of your reality. One thing I had always wanted throughout my life was to feel connected to a higher power. Some of my previous trips, I saw that higher power, but I had never become one with it. This trip aligned me and showed me my true purpose here. Love is the key to everything. Go out and shine your light for others. We are all in this together. All anyone wants is to love and feel love.
Very amazing brother! Your story made me feel like I was there with you! I understand where you're coming from in the spiritual sense because I experience some of the same things when I go on a journey! Ascending to a higher frequency allows for self to see truth.
I am so happy for you my brother! Let your light shine!!
Thank you. It's really cool how so many people have similar experiences. It's really cool how mushrooms can aid in spiritual growth.
Yeah what he said. Ditto for me.
That's awesome. I'm glad you have had a similar experience of healing.
My experiences have been mostly ones filled with euphoria and strong visuals. The most I have done is 20grams of who knows what type of shrooms. The last one I had was beginning of last year about 5 grams. After which I have been micro dosing ever since, since then to about 2 months ago. I ran out.
But I have definitely seen a positive change in my confidence and stress levels have gone down dramatically and I feel overall more at peace.
Thank you for the kind words.
20 grams? That is an insane amount. The most I’ve done is 5. That was pretty intense for me. I can’t even imagine what 20 grams would be like. One of these days I will do a larger trip than 5 grams but I don’t know when I will.
It was by accident actually. I thought they were for protein because they belonged to a friend of mine at the time who was into bodybuilding. So while he was in the shower I sat down in the living room and there was this big box filled with mushrooms. And I said fuck it I'm hungry ass hell I haven't eaten in two days due to fasting. Next thing I know he comes out yelling me "how much did you eat!!!"
What's the matter? A few hand fulls why?
"Dude! That's magic mushrooms!"
He examines the box and he estimated I must have eaten at least 20grams half of what the overdose requirement.
It was my first time. It was the best and the worst trip I ever had. About an 2 hours in, I was throwing up and having diarrhea in his house. I don't remember how but I ended up taking a shower too. Each single drop fell down the tub in super slow motion. I don't remember but he told me he was banging on the door are yelling if I was ok but by that time I was shivering either from cold or hot Idk, but I could hear my own thoughts being echoed in my head and bubbles were coming out of ears when I started laughing. I then looked into the mirror and noticed that I was super ancient. I mean OLD brother. I was super OLD. my face was crunched up in wrinkles. And when I moved slightly it was brand new like a baby again and then quickly old again. And that's just scratching the surface. The floors were sinking in and up like waves in the ocean. The door nob to the bathroom was far away. When I reached for the nob I was now at the front door naked. I kept hearing devilish laughter that echoed into eternity (it was him) but when I turned around to look at him, all I saw was that he appeared to look like a tree ent from LOTR. I then passed out (he told me) and fell into a deep sleep where I had a very lucid dreaming of out of body experience. And in the room were a bunch of eggs that changed shapes dramatically and we're bouncing up and down. It startled me and I woke up still under the effects but a bit more mellow. Walls were growing Vines and I could see energy growing through everything, on everything and connected to everything through these vines that were everywhere. The room turned into a forest.
It was wild man.
That sounds pretty crazy. I know what you mean about looking old in the mirror. A few trips ago, I spent a lot of time staring in the mirror. I love doing it. My face was morphing into all different faces as I looked in the mirror. I was old, young, a baby, a man, a woman and all different ages. It was pretty interesting how my mind made up so many new faces.
Awesome trip report man.
The way you set your intention prior to the trip and how you prepare with tailored playlists really shows the level of discipline and dedication you put towards your psychedelic healing journey.
I appreciate as well your level of introspection both during and after the trip, as this really exemplifies just how powerful of a journey this is that you've embarked on, and it also takes a great deal of courage because you're taking doses of shrooms that most people just wouldn't be able to handle without some experience with lower doses first.
Not only dismiss them, demonize them. I find it kind of ironic that the strict religions you speak of demonize this type of spiritual healing the most but yet preach on a concept of the practice of religion connecting one with a higher power... It's almost hypocritical in a sense to demonize mushrooms this way, especially when all one needs to do to experience this connectedness is just take the shrooms, no membership/label/ programmed belief system necessary. Fear is what holds most back from judging without being willing to give it a try.. They'd hate to have the shrooms tell them they're wrong about their beliefs lol.
You have a way with words when it comes to these trip reports and I always find myself excited to read your latest experience. I'm looking forward to see how far you go with the shrooms and what other types of healing medicinal compounds you try in the future as well.
Thanks man. It's really been a life changing journey over the last year or so. I never thought I would get this much out of eating a few mushrooms each month. I agree with you that fear is one thing that is keeping more people from taking part in mushrooms. The fear of your own mind is what keeps a lot of people from doing it. I also think that there needs to be more education about how to properly use these mushrooms. When used correctly, they can really benefit people in so many ways, but used incorrectly, they can do serious damage to someone's mental well being.
Great read, would love to go on such a journey as well one day.
I hope you are able to one day.
I am really glad you have had some profound experiences from psychedelics. Its something I think many of us will remember forever.
Thanks man. These experiences have been some of the most impactful of my life.
Love is the key to everything... it is.
I really enjoyed reading about your experience. It is very intense.
Thank you. I appreciate you stopping by and checking it out.
Connecting is a true eyeopener,so you the shroom expert here lol, i once did shrooms when i was younger but i dont need them to connect. Its the direction you follow in real life, detach there and you will find your inner self even more easy. At least that how it worked for me..
Ive even seen the palace but got caught by a huge lion and woke up, idk if you can relate to this !! Its a nice journey it never ends.
Enjoyed reading your experience🙏
I wouldnt consider myself the shroom expert. I just enjoy the experience and have learned how to get the most out of it. Hopefully the next time you see the palace, you are able to make it past the lion and make your way inside.