There's good and bad in everyone, it's subjective and a matter of perspective but what people see, how they react to it, isn't always valid and some see bad where it doesn't exist due to disgruntlement and other such things; this is something most leaders will face at some stage whether it's professional manager or leader, sporting coach, school teacher and even family...anywhere a person leads, guides and directs others. It's not always the leader's fault that they're seen as bad although it's always the leader's responsibility to deal with the ramifications of that in the most productive and effective way.
I've seen leaders be quite expert at their role and also incredibly bad and, as a leader myself thrust into the role in my early twenties, have done things really well and occasionally not as well as I should have. I learned over time and as my leadership experiences and responsibilities increased (and implications of them) so did my understanding of what it takes to be a good leader. One of these critical elements is the right dialogues with the team or subordinates and the need to deliver them in the right ways.
With this in mind, and some recent events that have transpired in my professional life, I thought I'd share a few of the wrong dialogues with the right one in counterpoint as a demonstration. Note, I don't represent that these dialogues should be used verbatim, they are an example only.
You'll do it my way because I said so and I'm the boss
What should be said here is something like: "I trust your judgement, skills and expertise and that you'll seek my assistance if required. I believe you have a focus on the goal and will move confidently towards it."
You're not paid to think
It's better to say: "I value your input and ideas and look forward to hearing them because it's through collective pooling of thought and action that we'll find better results."
I want this done by tomorrow
I'd prefer to use: "How about we agree on a timeline that works for all stakeholders and set a plan and schedule around it?"
That's not my problem, it's yours so work it out
Nope, that's wrong and this is preferable: "I'm here to support you as best I can so never hesitate to come to me with thoughts and ideas you feel may work best so we can investigate and find the right way forward."
Here's how we're going to do this
That's not building ownership or empowering the team, this will though: "How do you think we should approach this task and why?"
If this fails I'll hold you as responsible
Try instead: "We're a team so succeed and fail together, you're not alone in this matter."
I'll run this past upper management and get back to you
That's not empowering the team, this will though: "It would be great if you'd present this to upper management because it's your work and I trust in your ability to present it in the most favourable manner."
Leader or fucken wanker?
If you put yourself in the position of a worker/team member/subordinate I think it's clear how the above dialogues would be received in each case and which would be preferable. I think, if you're a leader and take that role seriously and want to build a strong, cohesive, productive and happy team it's also clear which dialogues would be most appropriate and you'll remember that the tone and body language used in communication is even more important than the words.
Naturally exact situations have to be considered here and the dialogues above may not match every scenario that arises but these should go some way towards demonstrating the differences between good and bad dialogues and I believe phrases like, or similar to, the above could be used as effectively in the workplace, socially and at home with family.
I wonder what you think after reading the contrasting dialogues and considering which style you'd respond favourably to and which you feel would lead to better team/workplace outcomes. So tell me about your thoughts and any experiences you've had in such matters below in the comments if you'd like.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
[Original and AI free]
Image(s) in this post are my own
I've always used the carrot and not the stick. Besides, if I'd said any of those things in red to my staff, they'd've poked me in the eye!:)
Yep, I agree but there's still managers/leaders out there doing it so very wrong. It's nuts to think it but it still happens and the effects are quite severe on the poor buggers on the wrong end of it.
Great topic you bring up! And I have a recent experience
Recently, I've been under the command of nothing but wankers, making the work environment very negative and toxic, and the results are never what we want. However, if those so-called leaders (wankers) fulfilled just 10% of what you say in the post, the results would be better. So you are absolutely right in what you say, and I love these posts.
Idk when I'll be in front of a team, but your posts have significantly changed my mindset regarding leadership—it’s pure gold!
A bad/ineffective team member can bring a whole team down. A bad/ineffective leader means there's no team at all. Teams/units need leadership, that's very clear, but the leader(s) need to be building the team and not dictating to it. This is the case in sport, social and professional environments.
So many people use the term born leader but it's only part of the story. No one comes out if the womb with leadership skills, they're acquired and that happens through study, experience, failure, self-reflection, honesty, humility, ownership, discipline, focus, effort, leaning into the role, selflessness and such things. Maybe a person might have tendencies/traits that help them find and do such things, but leadership isn't innate, it's learned.
So many leaders don't learn though, too selfish, egotistical, greedy and eager to self-promote instead of team-promote.
Anyway, I'm pretty passionate about it I guess and, because leadership is something I was thrust into and had to become expert in, have put a lot of effort into. Fucked it up a lot though...but learned.
Been in contact with both kinds of leader/bosses and decided when I became my own boss, that I would guide people as gently as possible. Emotions and all. What's the phrase - more bees with honey?
Gently is a way to go, better that than with a heavy hand. I think it's about setting the tone, the expectations.
I won't hesitate to act in respect of a team member who is not performing and have no qualms in cutting them loose with a clear conscience - that's a leaders responsibility to their team...but not before working to bring them up to standard using methods that empower them to want to lift performance rather than vindicively or through abuse. (The latter just disenfranchises the rest of the team as well.)
Anyway, it's a broad topic I've taken over thirty years working with and learning so a short comment can't cover it; thanks for commenting and it seems your team would probably survey well if asked about your management style which speaks highly of a manager.
Appreciate it man.
Hi @galenkp, I understand the idea you convey to us. Moreover, I have known bad coordinators unable to delegate or with bad manners at the time of addressing any of his subordinates. I think that in jobs related to social issues, where reports are usually manipulated at the end of the year and where it is easier for incapable people to achieve tasks of responsibility, it is easier for incapable people to succeed. In these cases the team environment is not good. I am a witness of this.
I don't like to lay blame on the leader all the time, I am one after all, however I believe there's so many leaders/managers that are ill-equiped for the role and are only promoted due to favouritism or longevity with the organisation; it's bloody ridiculous really. Promotion should come to those most suited to, and capable of, doing the job.
It's (general) human nature to try and avoid blame but it takes a stronger person to accept it; leaders need to understand what's going wrong (even with themselves) and make the changes so that the team can succeed. To do otherwise makes them a bad leader. Of course, I always expect ownership from my teams and have guided them all down that path. I'm pleased to say it's mostly worked and with those who have resisted...well, they tend to cull themselves from the flock naturally.
My experience is limited to the world of NGOs and public projects. And I believe that here leaders with leadership skills are more likely to take on management roles. When I did my first volunteer work, I saw how the annual reports of the activity of the association I was in were falsified. If the objectives were presented as achieved, then the subsidy arrived. In such an ecosystem, it doesn't matter if the leadership is good or bad. I was not trying to generalize.
As I was reading the dialogues I was thinking about the tone of voice used and definitely the second options are the most harmonising and the best to create a good working atmosphere and to unite the team. Those are the ones I would use, and with other words I have used something similar once.
The first options only provoke discomfort and distancing between the leader and the others. The work would be more complicated.
That's right, and while harmony isn't always the objective and is not always possible, a leader should know how to speak to each person individually and the team generally with the view to getting the best of them, uplifting and empowering them and providing support without removing responsibility.
As everyone is different, it is necessary to know everyone and to support them in the best possible way.
I try to give my worker quite a bit of autonomy. Probably too much at times. I think he gets frustrated that I don't help him more, but I was a one man shop for a long time and learned pretty much everything I know the hard way. I'm always willing to give him advice, but I'd like him to try to figure things out on his own first.
I expect my teams to bring me solutions not problems, but I've had to teach them that, to empower them along the way and give them the trust, support and ability to think with that mindset; it's also meant I've had to accept failures on many levels, that's part of the process. I've never been comfortable making them learn by themselves though as in my line of work, especially in the past, can have catastrophic effects.
It comes down to the situation though and that's when the leader needs to determine the best way forward and then lean into it.
That makes a lot of sense. We aren't really dealing with much mission critical stuff here.
Yeah, I understand, I was just speaking generally. We each have our situations so need to play it the appropriate way; the same principles apply usually.
I feel what you said should be the standard though as a leader. I know it's not the case in real life but doing things through that standard will get things done better in the long run. And most non-leaders probably won't take that kind of treatment from those in higher positions. They will just leave for another company where they feel they belong.
I think it's more of a mindset thing of opening up, trusting and supporting others, less I/me and more we/us. The true leader will make it work as a team and focus on everyone's strength~
I'm a leader and it's my standard; sure the dialogue doesn't come across as formally as I've written it here, but it's essentially the same. It's the minimum in my opinion for any leader or manager and, in some situations, a parent as well.
A true leader will uplift the team, help them be their best as individuals and as a unit, and never take the credit away from them for any success they have.
There's a lot more to it as well, of course. If a leader hasn't built a good team, empowered them and supported them the leader will fail miserably, as will the team/unit. A bad leader will blame the team for that despite it being the leaders' fault.
It's a good standard and should be a minimum benchmark for someone to take a leadership position.
100% agree. The leader will make the team rise and give credit where it's due. Win together mentality
Ya there's definitely a lot more to it but I think you've covered the basics. For me, I don't think I'm ready yet to be a leader. Need more experience and get better at being social
The problem is that one can't just download the skills, they're learned. Sure, one can read a book, go to class, but good leaders grow into it, they don't click their fingers and become it.
Your last line is sensible.
Everyone likes to think about the additional income or standing leadership comes with and often get it wrong because that's their focus. In reality, it's lonely, extremely confronting, selfless and usually all-encompassing. Jumping into it too early/to soon is a big part of why people are monumentally bad at it.
not yet but I feel the day will come with the technology! They'll figure out a way to wire our brain or control us who knows haha.
As for now though, ya it's something that can't be downloaded but instead learned through observation and hands on. Not everyone is cut out to be leader though; some are just better at following despite that everyone should be trying to be a better version of themselves throughout their life.
Everyone loves money haha and with those leaders getting paid more, they should be doing a better job! I believe you that it can be lonely especially those that are high up in the ladder and those that do the silent work keeping our world better.
I think the end goal of leadership is nurturing the next people. Those that are retiring are looking for those that can replace and properly guide the next and so on. Something like what parents do that is probably under looked since they don't get paid monetarily but more with that proud feeling of seeing their child succeed in life. I feel parents are like the number 1 leaders in the world.
Wankas!
also how the fuck did you red text?! That is bad ass.
So many wankers.
Here's the thimgamybob for the red text.
<div class="phishy">insert your text</div>Ah! I didn't realize there was classes allowed in our element tags.
Thank you for the info captain!
No worries. I'm usually pretty clueless but when it comes to red text...well, let's just say I know what's up.
Klye is a veteran in the HIVE community and development, but he can't write in red yet LOL
Leader should be that person who have the quality to speak to control and take over all the work he should have that type of skills that no one other have. That's why he is the leader. Anyways there is thousand of responsibility too on the leader.
Being a leader or manager is a difficult job and unfortunately many people who are unqualified seem to get into the position, probably as other bad leaders promote on time served rather than merit.
Can very well lead to malicious compliance. And then the boss, "who's paid to think," would have to think even harder. Seen this a lot, and it's the boss who gets frustrated in the end with certain employees.
I always get rid of people who feel they're "not paid to think" as they're destructive to the team. I want everyone to think. A leader who says such things is not thinking and needs to go.
The points you made here are very important and should stand true for any leader in any field because communication is an important and necessary skill needed for better understanding among individuals, groups, organisations.
When there is a good means of communication between a leader/boss and his employees, the organisation or company moves well and motivation steps in also because despite the hierarchy in command, the Chanel and means of communication does not indicate oppressiveness or a bossy attitude all the time demanding things to be done at your own will without regards at all
I believe if all leaders will at least exhibit some of this points, they will experience significant growth and smooth sailing of their company, organisation, groups or industries.
You've paraphrased my post completely.