Generally speaking, captains, even in retirement, don't speak up to majors and colonels.
But, everybody knew Captain R.E. “Hell To Pay” Ludlow was no ordinary man. Capt. Ludlow had a reputation, as did his cousin Colonel H.F. Lee: rank made no difference as to actual power. They didn't need the rank to stand flat-flooted and let you know where you stood with them.
“Sir, I tell you what I'll do for you, sir. You go on and put me in the stockade for telling you the truth, and I'll come out and salute you silently to please your ego as you and the division go down in quicksand, sir,” – this was the incident with a general that had possibly capped Capt. Ludlow at that rank, but he had kept his rank and received no demerit because it was at that point that the general realized the captain was throwing his entire career away to try to save him from a mistake that would have cost the division everything. Three days later, the temporary stockade would have been all that was left of that position!
In retirement, Capt. R.E. Ludlow was known to not even bother to add the “sir” on to men also retired – “you're not even in command of yourself right now, so don't even think about trying to pull rank. Pull your pants up and try to sober up, but do not try me.”
So, at the first officer core support group videoconference call after the death of Major Thibodeaux, certain friends of Colonel Falstaff, the man who had killed Major Thibodeaux in a truly unneccessary accident in which he had died himself, knew they were going to get it. Colonel H.F. Lee was already clearly going to have something to say – and when you could see on that marble perfection of a R.E. Lee mirror of a face that he was about to say something, he was indeed about to say something. Capt. Ludlow also came upset, and he never held his tongue.
The officer core leader for the evening was retired General B.E. Grover; the death of Major Thibodeaux was just that big of a deal, and things were bound to get hot because of the circumstance. So respected and respectful was General Grover that his presence alone cooled things down, and he had a strategy to keep things productive.
“So,” he said, “there's no beating around the bush: Colonel Falstaff and Major Thibodeaux are dead. We all have our feelings about why. Let me remind you, however, we already have a situation in which one of our number has accidentally killed another. That's enough friendly fire. Take five minutes each to express what you loved about either man, and what you think we should do differently to help protect each other more in the future. Falstaff was a colonel. Thibodeaux was a major, so Falstaff's group first.”
The Civil War was in the room, because the people that liked Thibodeaux did not like Falstaff, and vice versa, and the Thibodeaux contingency was ready to jump the Falstaff contingency – but, General Grover had ended it, just that quick, and gave space for people to respectfully express themselves.
Colonel Falstaff's friends in the officer core were devastated by his loss, and they needed that space … many stories of how the late colonel had been a friend, though a troubled one, came forth, and they needed to be heard. Some did reflect on how they would in future encourage their friends to seek more help, and that helped a great deal to calm the anger down in the room.
The Thibodeaux contingency stopped just short of blaming his death on the Falstaff contingency – enough listening and learning had taken place in the room to keep that from happening. Capt. Ludlow found himself much calmer than he actually wanted to be when it became his turn, but, worked with it.
“I never met Major Thibodeaux in person, but I live daily as a sane man not cussing half of you out right now because of the 20 years of work he put in here to make sure I would get the help I need.”
Everybody chuckled … the value of the major's work demonstrated readily, given that everybody knew “Hell To Pay” Ludlow's reputation.
“About what we can do to protect one another more – a lot of you have said that what we would have needed to do to protect Colonel Falstaff and thus Major Thibodeaux was to encourage the colonel to do what he needed to do. What we don't want to talk about is what I learned from a wise bag lady, who made it into senior housing from homelessness and mental health problems.
“Many of you knew and loved Colonel Falstaff. I'm not here to quarrel with any of you about that. We carry our friends as long as we can … but the thing is, they are not going to make it up the stairs to a better life, carrying a cart full of bags. Nor can we get them up there, with all that weight. We have to get better at insisting that our friends let go of the things that are killing them, be willing to walk with them while they do it, and walk away from them when they are refusing. It is better that we make each other uncomfortable than we let each other be comfortable doing what will destroy us and others. Colonel Falstaff, with his habits, is supposed to be dead. That's not the problem. The problem is that we didn't challenge him enough to be innocent in that outcome for his life, and thus for Major Thibodeaux's as well.”
“Well, you can't make anybody do anything, Captain,” Major Harvey snarled.
“So, we just enjoy the good times while they last with basically a dying man and then come cry about how it ended, like we actually loved him more than we loved hiding our brokenness around him?” Capt. Ludlow retorted.
Major Harvey stopped as if slapped through the Zoom.
“I am a retired captain,” Capt. Ludlow said. “While we were on active duty, any major would have told you that I never gave any major an order, but I had a tremendous amount of influence on what my superior officers did, through both my work and what I would tacitly agree to over and above the orders I received. Every one of you in here has that influence over those in your circle.
“The question wasn't what we could have done to save Colonel Falstaff. The question was, how do we protect each other more in future? Not everyone wants to be protected. Fine. We can't make anybody do anything. But we influence those we love by how we live and what we tacitly agree to as they share our lives. If you didn't know, now you know. I don't worry about making you uncomfortable by confronting you and us with that, if it helps you and us not lose another friend.”